Has the therapist ever said these things to you?

nottrustin · Sep 06, 2018 at 09:29 PM

T said some form of many of these over a 10 year period.

Emdr T haa said she really enjoys working with me. I have incredible insight, and that I am doing the really hard work.

guilloche · Sep 06, 2018 at 09:29 PM

OMG... I actually had to check a bunch of them. And, it makes no sense... It often seems kind of random when they say these things. Except for the thing about "I like you!" - that was in the context of, "I like you! But I feel like we're not working, and I want to help and don't know what to do!"

This week... my poor regular T. I was telling her about the visit with the neurofeedback T (a "meet and greet" to see if I liked her) - I had tried to explain my horrible history with T's of yore to NFB T, who commented that she was surprised (that these Ts thought I was difficult), because I seemed to have a... (and this is a direct quote) "delightful personality".

I found that hilarious, and relayed it to current T... thinking she'd understand (being on the receiving end of my not-so-delightful-personality for the last year)... and her response was, "Wait? Didn't I tell you that I found you delightful? I thought I said that!?"

No. No, dear T. You have not called me delightful. Please do not. All it's going to do is make me think understand me even less!!!

guilloche · Sep 06, 2018 at 09:31 PM

Wait a second... 91% of us have been told that we're bright/smart by our Ts?

Maybe we have all tapped in to the therapy hive mind via the forum. Or we look smarter, since we've read so much about how therapy is supposed to work, from our time here?

atisketatasket · Sep 06, 2018 at 09:39 PM

I’m finding the percentages very illuminating. There seem to be standard therapist compliments, keyed to what most people want—to be thought of as smart, to be liked, to be seen as brave.

Not to say that the therapists don’t mean them when they say them, they probably do, but wow...it kind of seems like a mind****.

feralkittymom · Sep 06, 2018 at 09:47 PM

Score another plus for former T: not a one!

Current T, however, has said a couple. I don't think she's insincere, just...naive.

stopdog · Sep 06, 2018 at 10:15 PM

I always found the empty. And baffling - they chose the oddest times to interject those things.

WarmFuzzySocks · Sep 06, 2018 at 10:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

I’m finding the percentages very illuminating. There seem to be standard therapist compliments, keyed to what most people want—to be thought of as smart, to be liked, to be seen as brave.

Not to say that the therapists don’t mean them when they say them, they probably do, but wow...it kind of seems like a mind****.

Or this forum attracts likeable smart brave people in higher percentages than one would expect from a random sample?

WarmFuzzySocks · Sep 06, 2018 at 10:35 PM

Mine has said several of those or variations of.

I believe her. She doesn't seem the type to throw out random platitudes or compliments just because.

ETA: I believe that she means it. I don't necessarily believe that her belief in my, say, bravery, means that I am actually brave. I'm pretty chickensh** about a lot of things...

CantExplain · Sep 06, 2018 at 11:17 PM

It's an honour to work with me, but probably not a pleasure.

Sep 06, 2018 at 11:24 PM

My therapist has said many of these things. They didn't seem genuine but I never thought about what she says to other clients. Though I guess I do think about what responses are genuine and which are generic therapists responses.

Sep 06, 2018 at 11:28 PM

my t has said these:
You are brave/strong - I do not believe this one.
It is an honor/pleasure to work with you - I don't know how I can believe this one. I KNOW that I am a right pain in the ***.
you work really hard - this one is absolutely true
you are insightful - this one I sorta believe
"we" (meaning therapist and client) get along well - this one I believe
you are very smart/bright/intelligent - this one I do not believe
I am not impervious to clients (or words to that meaning)- her words were that I have had a profound effect on her - this one I cannot fathom how

and stop talking about percentages y'all are reminding me of my stats class ugh!!! haha j/k this is a good application of the stuff I'm trying to learn!!!

Myrto · Sep 07, 2018 at 02:50 AM

My ex therapist told me that it was brave to share X (it wasn't), that she couldn't work with people she didn't find interesting which meant she found me interesting (I thought this was so gross the way she put it: my problems have to be interesting otherwise **** off) and that she was attached to me (so basically a version of "caring"). I mean it's obvious therapists just peddle that ******** so that clients will come back because that's what a lot of people who go to therapy want to hear: oh you are so strong, so smart, so unique. Barf. Truth is: nope. I don't believe anyone is unique for instance. Usually people who think they're so "unique" are insufferable. As for being smart, my experience is that a lot of people are not smart at all. The fact that therapists can even say those things with a straight face is kind of hilarious. This is meaningless feel-good nonsense.

LostOnTheTrail · Sep 07, 2018 at 04:24 AM

R has said a number of these things to me, and I gather strength from our relationship...so to believe them insincere would be detrimental to me.

The first time she called me brave, I couldn't speak afterwards.

After a moment's silence, she said 'I'm wondering what's going on for you at the moment...and I must admit, part of me is wondering whether I have said something bad.'

I'm still not sure the word brave fits, but she has used it twice. 'I think you're really brave..and it's nothing to do with what you're going through, but with how you are pushing yourself to confront this difficult stuff.'

nottrustin · Sep 07, 2018 at 04:40 AM

Has any of you Ts explained the the compliment or just thrown it out there and continued on?

LonesomeTonight · Sep 07, 2018 at 06:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by guilloche

Wait a second... 91% of us have been told that we're bright/smart by our Ts?

Maybe we have all tapped in to the therapy hive mind via the forum. Or we look smarter, since we've read so much about how therapy is supposed to work, from our time here?

That is interesting--maybe this forum just attracts really smart/bright people?

In my case, current T said he was concerned I might be more intelligent than him. He's also otherwise commented on my intelligence (like in terms of when I was applying for PhD program). And ex-T has often said I'm very bright and competent.

LonesomeTonight · Sep 07, 2018 at 06:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nottrustin

Has any of you Ts explained the the compliment or just thrown it out there and continued on?

Yes, when mine said his version of the brave/strong comment, "I think you're very resilient," he explained it. He said how I've dealt with anxiety and OCD all my life, but have still managed to function and am trying to work on it by being in therapy. I really appreciated that comment.

healinginprogress · Sep 07, 2018 at 08:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nottrustin

Has any of you Ts explained the the compliment or just thrown it out there and continued on?

My T almost always surrounds her compliments with the reasons why she's saying them. I think it makes it more genuine and believable on my part.

healinginprogress · Sep 07, 2018 at 08:14 AM

My T uses most of these and yes I believe she is being honest. She fits them in to our conversations well and uses specific examples of things that I've done or are doing when she compliments me.

atisketatasket · Sep 07, 2018 at 11:09 AM

Again, not saying therapists aren’t being honest, but looking at the list, some of these statements about client characteristics—how can the therapist really know? In the space of an hour you might be able to pick up on intelligence, and over time whether a client is working hard, but brave, honest, show their true nature in therapy—how does the therapist know when they see the client for such a small percentage of the clients’ lives and they are dependent on the client for information about what happens outside of therapy? After years together, perhaps, but before that?

Sep 07, 2018 at 11:23 AM

I think these are quite good examples for the superficiality of many therapists. They throw up these generic meaningless phrases, and if they please a small percentage of clients, they perhaps think they are doing a good supportive job. But many other professionals and sales people say similar things as well to clients. They may or may not be true for a particular case but are more often not specific or carry any deep message at all. I do like positive reinforcement but more sophisticated and tailored than these.

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nottrustin Grand Magnate Member Since Jan 2014 Location: n/a Posts: 4,819 10 375 hugs given	Sep 06, 2018 at 09:29 PM #21 T said some form of many of these over a 10 year period. Emdr T haa said she really enjoys working with me. I have incredible insight, and that I am doing the really hard work. __________________
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guilloche Magnate Member Since Jun 2014 Location: US Posts: 2,734 10 2,704 hugs given	Sep 06, 2018 at 09:31 PM #23 Wait a second... 91% of us have been told that we're bright/smart by our Ts? Maybe we have all tapped in to the therapy hive mind via the forum. Or we look smarter, since we've read so much about how therapy is supposed to work, from our time here?
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atisketatasket Child of a lesser god Member Since Jun 2015 Location: Tartarus Posts: 19,304 (SuperPoster!) 9 12.4k hugs given	Sep 06, 2018 at 09:39 PM #24 I’m finding the percentages very illuminating. There seem to be standard therapist compliments, keyed to what most people want—to be thought of as smart, to be liked, to be seen as brave. Not to say that the therapists don’t mean them when they say them, they probably do, but wow...it kind of seems like a mind****.
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feralkittymom Grand Magnate Member Since Aug 2012 Location: yada Posts: 4,415 12 1,974 hugs given	Sep 06, 2018 at 09:47 PM #25 Score another plus for former T: not a one! Current T, however, has said a couple. I don't think she's insincere, just...naive.
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stopdog underdog is here Member Since Sep 2011 Location: blank Posts: 35,051 (SuperPoster!) 13 1 hugs given	Sep 06, 2018 at 10:15 PM #26 I always found the empty. And baffling - they chose the oddest times to interject those things. __________________ Please NO @ Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live. Oscar Wilde Well Behaved Women Seldom Make History - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.
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CantExplain Big Poppa Member Since Oct 2011 Location: New Zealand Posts: 19,616 (SuperPoster!) 13 19.7k hugs given	Sep 06, 2018 at 11:17 PM #29 It's an honour to work with me, but probably not a pleasure. __________________ Mr Ambassador, alias Ancient Plax, alias Captain Therapy, alias Big Poppa, alias Secret Spy, etc. Add that to your tattoo, Baby!
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Anonymous42076 Guest Posts: n/a	Sep 06, 2018 at 11:24 PM #30 My therapist has said many of these things. They didn't seem genuine but I never thought about what she says to other clients. Though I guess I do think about what responses are genuine and which are generic therapists responses.
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nottrustin Grand Magnate Member Since Jan 2014 Location: n/a Posts: 4,819 10 375 hugs given	Sep 07, 2018 at 04:40 AM #34 Has any of you Ts explained the the compliment or just thrown it out there and continued on? __________________
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healinginprogress Member Member Since Jul 2017 Location: USA Posts: 394 7 69 hugs given	Sep 07, 2018 at 08:14 AM #38 My T uses most of these and yes I believe she is being honest. She fits them in to our conversations well and uses specific examples of things that I've done or are doing when she compliments me. __________________ Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
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