Physical Contact with Therapist

lol i realized that right after i hit the post button, but it would not let me change it

The pollster's lot is not an easy one.

My Emdr therapist shakes hands after almost every session. I never asked to, but it doesn't bother me.

None of my previous Ts have ever did any touch. Maybe a handshake when we first met but that was it. I don't know if I would want any touch in therapy other than a handshake...touch is a big trigger for me anyway.

We shook hands on the first meeting, and recently she has started hugging me. I literally ran away from her last week. Oops.

When I was inpatient, the T held my hands after I re-counted a trauma, and kept telling me I was safe and okay. It was bizarrely not weird. He also touched me on my shoulder as we were walking out and I jumped, so then he would say "Coming in for a shoulder touch." Apparently was a PTSD thingy.

she and i are both very affectionate people; its part of our culture. Whenever we see each other in person, we hold hands or hug or sit next to each other, when we go for a walk we often hold hands. Its not unusual here.

I picked "shaken hands" though actually we high fived. She initiated a fist bump, I jokingly shot down then she offered the high five. The only weird thing was how hard she did it lol. Like it was def harder than how I do it with friends. I mentioned something about it right after but I don't recall her saying anything. It happened after almost a year of seeing her and after a rupture, after she'd had me put in inpatient.
It didn't have an effect, she hasn't offered any high fives. And the amount of hand sanitizer she uses and the actual distance she sits away from the couch makes me think she's like a germaphobe or something.
I've never really wanted anything else like a hug, it doesn't seem like something she'd do in general. I just remember the times I've cried and how it's when I feel more alone and it's like she disconnects and is a bit cold, but I guess because she seemed unaffected. Where I could see sympathy in the eyes of my Psychiatrist and even her assistant.

Anne, its fixed! You can vote "my therapist never touches me" now.

you can vote now, i added the no touch option.



its been added susannah- you can vote now.



You can vote now, I added the no touch option.



are you comfortable sharing where "here" is?

We hug at the end of every session. It didn't start happening until I had seen him for a year. Previously, he would only hug if I asked for it. And I hate asking for things.

It's helped me feel closer to him.

I can't see the poll — must be because I use Tapatalk on my phone — so sorry if it's already there, but I'd be really curious to know gender as well.

I'm a guy and I feel like guys who have male therapists have a much different experience, especially in regards to physical touch beyond a handshake. At least in the U.S. I have no idea about gender "norms" in other countries.

On the one hand, I'd like to believe we've evolved enough that this would be less of an issue, but at the same time I wouldn't be surprised if it hasn't.

I can only speak for myself obviously, but I was raised in a family where you learned that men were supposed to be the strong, silent type — very little emotion — and two men didn't hug, they shook hands.

That being said, I don't have any physical contact with my current therapist, not even a handshake, which is fine. If he wanted to hug me, I'd be a little weirded out as a guy. With my current psychiatrist, we always shake hands at the end, which I appreciate, not so much for the touch, but the genuine respect and caring I feel.

ooooh interesting perspective. the poll doesnt include gender...

We have been working together since the 5th of January 2017. I first asked to hold her hand on the 24th of August, but the first hug was on the 21st of December. We talked about what I would like to happen if I cried, and though I haven't...I have reached for her hand in moments where I felt as though I would not be able to continue to speak.

Ex T shook my hand upon our first meeting and offered a hug (accepted) when we terminated.
Current T and I have never touched and I can't imagine a scenario where it would ever feel appropriate to do so.

We shake hands at the beginning of every session and, for the first year, also at the end. Now we hug before I leave. It was terrifying to ask for it but I am glad I did. It helps ground me before I leave

we hug now and then
it has never been discussed

She never touches me. She sits as far away as possible, even moves her chair away if I sit too close. She says she does that so that our feet won't touch, as if there were a danger that might happen.

In terms of gender, I'm female, and the T's who shake/shook my hand are both male. Ex-T who hugged me sometimes is female.

that would make me feel bad :-(

my t comes closer if i ask. or if she wants to come closer she will ask me first if its okay.

all of my t's have been female as I dont think i could work so closely with a man.

all of the above except "never touches me"

Both of my Ts shook my hand once when we first met, just like any other regular introduction. Nothing else, and I never wished anything else in therapy. I am not really a hugger per se but not averse to ordinary physical contact with people that I have a close relationship with or even occasional hugs with professional partners I particularly like or have substantial history with. But I never crave physical contact with anyone except intimate partners. If it wasn't the posts here on PC, it would most likely have never occurred to me that touch in talk therapy sessions can be a thing (other than client fantasies).

i’m not a huge hugger, but i’m not against them. i do find it more awkward and weird than anything else.

An awkward, limp handshake (she offered) before the first session and that’s it.

I once told her — mostly tongue-in-cheek when I was wearing a temporary defibrillator — that if it ever looked like I’d passed out and was getting an electric shock, to not come anywhere near me as she’d get shocked as well.

She assured me that she has no intention of ever moving out of her chair.

That’s the only touch related conversation we’ve ever had. Shocking.

My former T hugged me, but not right away. Probably a year or so into our relationship. She offered a hug long before I took her up on it. But we didn't hug every session or anything, just when I asked for one, she never refused. I wouldn't have wanted to hold her hand or anything, but sometimes I wanted her to sit closer to me.

mine took two years to touch me at all (except our hands touching by chance when handing something to each other) and she hugged me once and said, essentially "its the exception not the rule" but every time i've asked since she has always said yes...I asked her why she said yes and she said she doesn't know.


i think she doesnt care if we hug shes just being careful bc of US rules....where shes from hugging is expected.

My T has never touched me. Not even a handshake when we first met. Kind of hurts to know that this is unusual. She often feels very far away in session. It especially sucks because I don't have anyone else to touch me, either. I don't have family where I live, no friends, so nobody ever touches me in a caring way.

My longtime T touched me. But she cared about me a lot. With T, I am just another client. She cares about me in a distant, professional sort of way that doesn't really count. I'm sure it wouldn't ever occur to her to hug me.