Physical Contact with Therapist

AllHeart · Sep 09, 2018 at 04:33 PM

My ex-t and I used to hug every time we met and every time before we parted ways. I will admit that the hugs helped me to get over my fear of hugging other adults. Hugs are a-ok!

Current t...well, let's just say I feel like I have the plague with her so even if I ever want a hug from her, no way I'd ever ask her.

88Butterfly88 · Sep 09, 2018 at 04:34 PM

I'm not big on touch since I have sensitive skin and t knows this so we usually avoid physical contact. A few of my former ts hugged me on our last session however, we couldn't help it since we were so emotional.

Out There · Sep 09, 2018 at 05:36 PM

EMDR T has shaken my hand three times - I'd quite like handshakes from both my T's. Touch is such an interesting subject in therapy - I would've liked my main T to have held my hand for grounding earlier on , but I don't think he would have and I noted the stories of things going wrong when introducing touch so I've been wary of it. I have noted things going well though too.

Anne2.0 · Sep 09, 2018 at 06:02 PM

I couldn't vote on the poll as there was no "none" option. I'm a hugger in real life but I've really never been interested in physical contact with therapists. Sometimes when my son was young I felt touched out from all the ways parenting is physically intimate. So I think the emotional intimacy in therapy is enough for me, physically therapy would have a negative impact.

MoxieDoxie · Sep 09, 2018 at 06:09 PM

I am female he is male. Male therapist have to be verrrry cautious in the "Me to" world so no he does not dare even come close to me. If he has to even get up and pass me to get to a file he will narrate every move his is about to make. That is a little obnoxious I have to say.

PurpleBlur · Sep 09, 2018 at 06:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by susannahsays

I'd think this poll would be more informative if a "no touch" option had been included for comparison purposes. The therapist has never touched me in any way. I did witness her shake hands when meeting a client for the first time, but she didn't do that the first time C saw her or the first time I met with her.

lol i realized that right after i hit the post button, but it would not let me change it

stopdog · Sep 09, 2018 at 06:30 PM

The pollster's lot is not an easy one.

SheHulk07 · Sep 09, 2018 at 06:52 PM

My Emdr therapist shakes hands after almost every session. I never asked to, but it doesn't bother me.

None of my previous Ts have ever did any touch. Maybe a handshake when we first met but that was it. I don't know if I would want any touch in therapy other than a handshake...touch is a big trigger for me anyway.

velcro003 · Sep 09, 2018 at 07:30 PM

We shook hands on the first meeting, and recently she has started hugging me. I literally ran away from her last week. Oops.

velcro003 · Sep 09, 2018 at 07:38 PM

When I was inpatient, the T held my hands after I re-counted a trauma, and kept telling me I was safe and okay. It was bizarrely not weird. He also touched me on my shoulder as we were walking out and I jumped, so then he would say "Coming in for a shoulder touch." Apparently was a PTSD thingy.

Sep 09, 2018 at 07:57 PM

she and i are both very affectionate people; its part of our culture. Whenever we see each other in person, we hold hands or hug or sit next to each other, when we go for a walk we often hold hands. Its not unusual here.

Sep 09, 2018 at 08:45 PM

I picked "shaken hands" though actually we high fived. She initiated a fist bump, I jokingly shot down then she offered the high five. The only weird thing was how hard she did it lol. Like it was def harder than how I do it with friends. I mentioned something about it right after but I don't recall her saying anything. It happened after almost a year of seeing her and after a rupture, after she'd had me put in inpatient.
It didn't have an effect, she hasn't offered any high fives. And the amount of hand sanitizer she uses and the actual distance she sits away from the couch makes me think she's like a germaphobe or something.
I've never really wanted anything else like a hug, it doesn't seem like something she'd do in general. I just remember the times I've cried and how it's when I feel more alone and it's like she disconnects and is a bit cold, but I guess because she seemed unaffected. Where I could see sympathy in the eyes of my Psychiatrist and even her assistant.

PurpleBlur · Sep 09, 2018 at 08:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Anne2.0

I couldn't vote on the poll as there was no "none" option. I'm a hugger in real life but I've really never been interested in physical contact with therapists. Sometimes when my son was young I felt touched out from all the ways parenting is physically intimate. So I think the emotional intimacy in therapy is enough for me, physically therapy would have a negative impact.

Anne, its fixed! You can vote "my therapist never touches me" now.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Argonautomobile

We have never had physical contact of any kind. I've never asked; he's never offered.

you can vote now, i added the no touch option.

Quote:

Originally Posted by susannahsays

I'd think this poll would be more informative if a "no touch" option had been included for comparison purposes. The therapist has never touched me in any way. I did witness her shake hands when meeting a client for the first time, but she didn't do that the first time C saw her or the first time I met with her.

its been added susannah- you can vote now.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Salmon77

I have never had any kind of physical contact with my T.

To me holding hands is not cheating but it's something you do only in a very close and intimate relationship. If I saw my partner holding hands with someone you can bet I'd think they were cheating.

You can vote now, I added the no touch option.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Starry_Night

she and i are both very affectionate people; its part of our culture. Whenever we see each other in person, we hold hands or hug or sit next to each other, when we go for a walk we often hold hands. Its not unusual here.

are you comfortable sharing where "here" is?

RaineD · 10:34 PM

We hug at the end of every session. It didn't start happening until I had seen him for a year. Previously, he would only hug if I asked for it. And I hate asking for things.

It's helped me feel closer to him.

peacelizard · Sep 10, 2018 at 12:07 AM

I can't see the poll — must be because I use Tapatalk on my phone — so sorry if it's already there, but I'd be really curious to know gender as well.

I'm a guy and I feel like guys who have male therapists have a much different experience, especially in regards to physical touch beyond a handshake. At least in the U.S. I have no idea about gender "norms" in other countries.

On the one hand, I'd like to believe we've evolved enough that this would be less of an issue, but at the same time I wouldn't be surprised if it hasn't.

I can only speak for myself obviously, but I was raised in a family where you learned that men were supposed to be the strong, silent type — very little emotion — and two men didn't hug, they shook hands.

That being said, I don't have any physical contact with my current therapist, not even a handshake, which is fine. If he wanted to hug me, I'd be a little weirded out as a guy. With my current psychiatrist, we always shake hands at the end, which I appreciate, not so much for the touch, but the genuine respect and caring I feel.

PurpleBlur · Sep 10, 2018 at 12:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by peacelizard

I can't see the poll — must be because I use Tapatalk on my phone — so sorry if it's already there, but I'd be really curious to know gender as well.

I'm a guy and I feel like guys who have male therapists have a much different experience, especially in regards to physical touch beyond a handshake. At least in the U.S. I have no idea about gender "norms" in other countries.

On the one hand, I'd like to believe we've evolved enough that this would be less of an issue, but at the same time I wouldn't be surprised if it hasn't.

I can only speak for myself obviously, but I was raised in a family where you learned that men were supposed to be the strong, silent type — very little emotion — and two men didn't hug, they shook hands.

That being said, I don't have any physical contact with my current therapist, not even a handshake, which is fine. If he wanted to hug me, I'd be a little weirded out as a guy. With my current psychiatrist, we always shake hands at the end, which I appreciate, not so much for the touch, but the genuine respect and caring I feel.

ooooh interesting perspective. the poll doesnt include gender...

LostOnTheTrail · Sep 10, 2018 at 02:06 AM

We have been working together since the 5th of January 2017. I first asked to hold her hand on the 24th of August, but the first hug was on the 21st of December. We talked about what I would like to happen if I cried, and though I haven't...I have reached for her hand in moments where I felt as though I would not be able to continue to speak.

Amyjay · Sep 10, 2018 at 02:25 AM

Ex T shook my hand upon our first meeting and offered a hug (accepted) when we terminated.
Current T and I have never touched and I can't imagine a scenario where it would ever feel appropriate to do so.

kaleidoscopeheart · Sep 10, 2018 at 04:39 AM

We shake hands at the beginning of every session and, for the first year, also at the end. Now we hug before I leave. It was terrifying to ask for it but I am glad I did. It helps ground me before I leave

junkDNA · Sep 10, 2018 at 06:10 AM

we hug now and then
it has never been discussed

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Physical Contact with Therapist

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AllHeart Magnate Member Since Feb 2015 Location: USA Posts: 2,024 9 2,132 hugs given	Sep 09, 2018 at 04:33 PM #21 My ex-t and I used to hug every time we met and every time before we parted ways. I will admit that the hugs helped me to get over my fear of hugging other adults. Hugs are a-ok! Current t...well, let's just say I feel like I have the plague with her so even if I ever want a hug from her, no way I'd ever ask her.
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88Butterfly88 Moderator Community Support Team Member Since Dec 2015 Location: New Jersey Posts: 54,300 (SuperPoster!) 8 10.5k hugs given	Sep 09, 2018 at 04:34 PM #22 I'm not big on touch since I have sensitive skin and t knows this so we usually avoid physical contact. A few of my former ts hugged me on our last session however, we couldn't help it since we were so emotional.
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stopdog underdog is here Member Since Sep 2011 Location: blank Posts: 35,049 (SuperPoster!) 13 1 hugs given	Sep 09, 2018 at 06:30 PM #27 The pollster's lot is not an easy one. __________________ Please NO @ Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live. Oscar Wilde Well Behaved Women Seldom Make History - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.
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SheHulk07 Magnate Member Since Oct 2013 Location: CO Posts: 2,305 11 871 hugs given	Sep 09, 2018 at 06:52 PM #28 My Emdr therapist shakes hands after almost every session. I never asked to, but it doesn't bother me. None of my previous Ts have ever did any touch. Maybe a handshake when we first met but that was it. I don't know if I would want any touch in therapy other than a handshake...touch is a big trigger for me anyway.
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velcro003 Elder Member Since Oct 2008 Posts: 7,368 16 25 hugs given	Sep 09, 2018 at 07:30 PM #29 We shook hands on the first meeting, and recently she has started hugging me. I literally ran away from her last week. Oops.
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velcro003 Elder Member Since Oct 2008 Posts: 7,368 16 25 hugs given	Sep 09, 2018 at 07:38 PM #30 When I was inpatient, the T held my hands after I re-counted a trauma, and kept telling me I was safe and okay. It was bizarrely not weird. He also touched me on my shoulder as we were walking out and I jumped, so then he would say "Coming in for a shoulder touch." Apparently was a PTSD thingy.
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Anonymous47147 Guest Posts: n/a	Sep 09, 2018 at 07:57 PM #31 she and i are both very affectionate people; its part of our culture. Whenever we see each other in person, we hold hands or hug or sit next to each other, when we go for a walk we often hold hands. Its not unusual here.
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RaineD Grand Member Member Since Aug 2017 Location: United States Posts: 950 7 962 hugs given	Sep 09, 2018 at 09:48 PM #34 We hug at the end of every session. It didn't start happening until I had seen him for a year. Previously, he would only hug if I asked for it. And I hate asking for things. It's helped me feel closer to him. Last edited by RaineD; Sep 09, 2018 at 10:34 PM..
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Amyjay Magnate Member Since Mar 2017 Location: Underground Posts: 2,439 7 692 hugs given	Sep 10, 2018 at 02:25 AM #38 Ex T shook my hand upon our first meeting and offered a hug (accepted) when we terminated. Current T and I have never touched and I can't imagine a scenario where it would ever feel appropriate to do so.
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kaleidoscopeheart Member Member Since Apr 2017 Location: Parts Unknown Posts: 333 7 77 hugs given	Sep 10, 2018 at 04:39 AM #39 We shake hands at the beginning of every session and, for the first year, also at the end. Now we hug before I leave. It was terrifying to ask for it but I am glad I did. It helps ground me before I leave
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junkDNA Comfy Sedation Member Since Sep 2012 Location: the woods Posts: 19,305 (SuperPoster!) 12 8,152 hugs given	Sep 10, 2018 at 06:10 AM #40 we hug now and then it has never been discussed __________________
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