[PurpleBlur]

Wondering how many of you have any sort of physical contact with your T's...

Like hugs, holding hands, shaking hands, being held, putting your head in their lap, etc...or any variation I haven't mentioned.


How long before the touch was implemented in your therapy? Did anything happen where it was withdrawn?


If so, how did it affect your therapy with that T?


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Note:

I am talking about safe touch here...not inappropriate sexual interactions, so please don't post here about sex with your therapist.

[stopdog]

Never for me. For me it was nothing that I would have ever wanted. There is, to me, no point in being touched by a stranger. I actively made sure neither of the women would touch me.
I touch real people in my life as needed or wanted, but not strangers.

[DP_2017]

Hugs every session. We shook hands when we first met but that is it.... and we practiced a hand hold "comfort" type once but never again (long story there but he put a big no to that)

Hugs is kind of a personal story how it came up but I'd be happy to message you more if you want. I don't wanna get into it too much on here. Thankfully he hasn't taken hugs away, that would be the end of it all for me.

[ChickenNoodleSoup]

We do hand shakes as is culturally expected here. He explicitly said that he'd think it's unethical to hug, without me ever mentioning it. He also thinks holding hands falls under cheating, so that'd probably also not happen.

[downandlonely]

Mine does a handshake at the start of each session.

[PurpleBlur]

Originally Posted by DP_2017

Hugs every session. We shook hands when we first met but that is it.... and we practiced a hand hold "comfort" type once but never again (long story there but he put a big no to that)

Hugs is kind of a personal story how it came up but I'd be happy to message you more if you want. I don't wanna get into it too much on here. Thankfully he hasn't taken hugs away, that would be the end of it all for me.

yes please! i sent you a PM

Originally Posted by ChickenNoodleSoup

We do hand shakes as is culturally expected here. He explicitly said that he'd think it's unethical to hug, without me ever mentioning it. He also thinks holding hands falls under cheating, so that'd probably also not happen.

falls under...cheating? huh? are you in the US?

[skeksi]

None. I would not be at all comfortable with it. Maybe a hug when I leave my very last session.

[ChickenNoodleSoup]

Originally Posted by PurpleBlur

falls under...cheating? huh? are you in the US?

No. I tend to agree if it's not for comfort, and I'd personally not find it comforting to hold hands if I were upset, so I'm fine with it.

[PurpleBlur]

Originally Posted by ChickenNoodleSoup

No. I tend to agree if it's not for comfort, and I'd personally not find it comforting to hold hands if I were upset, so I'm fine with it.

why would there be hand holding if it wasnt meant to comfort the client?


is there a sexual attraction between you and your T that would make hand holding not for comfort reasons?


i never hold my t's hands just because..its always to help me...

[stopdog]

I do not find holding hands with anyone comforting, not even my partner. If I am upset, the last thing I want is someone holding my hands.

[LonesomeTonight]

Handshake with T at end of each session. Was same with ex-marriage counselor. With ex-T, no contact for like the first 4 years, but occasional hugs in last 2 years (like maybe 15-20 hugs total).

[nottrustin]

Both T we did the handshake a few times in the beginning. With T after about a year T asked if she could give me a hug at the end of a painful appointment. She co ti urd to ask at the end of the next few appointments and I always shook my head yes. Then she stopped asking and we hugged at the end of every appointment.

Emdr shook my hand at the end of the first few appointments. Then it stopped which I am fine with. Shaking hands seem so formal and impersonal. About a mo th and a half ago as I stood up she said after last weeks discussion could she give me hug. I dis but it was kid of half arse because all I could think about was who didn't she have the discussion with because it certainly was not me. I was shocked as well. She has not asked since. Not have we hugged. Part of me would like to but am also scared to become to close and also Fraid to ask.

[ChickenNoodleSoup]

Originally Posted by PurpleBlur

why would there be hand holding if it wasnt meant to comfort the client?


is there a sexual attraction between you and your T that would make hand holding not for comfort reasons?


i never hold my t's hands just because..its always to help me...

I didn't say that we'd hold hands without it being for comfort... I said that IF it's not for comfort, I tend to agree it's some sort of cheating (which in my opinion is a very personal definition anyways and probably largely influenced by culture), and IF it is for comfort, I would not want that since I would not find it comforting. I don't think it's bad for people to hold hands and I even think it can be done when the distress is not huge without it having any negative connotations, I just personally would not like it for myself.

[ScarletPimpernel]

We hug after every session. She doesn't do any other touch.

[Salmon77]

I have never had any kind of physical contact with my T.

To me holding hands is not cheating but it's something you do only in a very close and intimate relationship. If I saw my partner holding hands with someone you can bet I'd think they were cheating.

[susannahsays]

I'd think this poll would be more informative if a "no touch" option had been included for comparison purposes. The therapist has never touched me in any way. I did witness her shake hands when meeting a client for the first time, but she didn't do that the first time C saw her or the first time I met with her.

[ElectricManatee]

I've never asked, but I don't think she would touch a client. Not really her style. In general I'm totally fine with the lack of physical contact, but there have been a few times when I have been upset and struggling to connect with her that a hug or even just a pat on the arm/shoulder would be nice at the end of a rough session. I don't think I would like it as a regular thing, though. There are only a few people with whom I truly enjoy touching or hugging.

[Echos Myron redux]

I hug my T every session. Twice last session in fact. We occasionally hold hands which I find grounding and comforting.

The way the topic of touch first happened was that I had asked my previous therapist for a hug and he refused. I found this incredibly painful and it played a part in an accumulation of things that led to me ending therapy with him, which was very traumatic.

I assumed that my current T didn't hug (because I experienced him as quite a straight laced kind of guy) and I was never going to ask because I couldn't face that rejection again. One time, about a year and a half (i think?) into therapy with him, I was talking about the hug rejection and he said something like "I have thought a lot about what I would do if you were ever to ask me for a hug. I would not refuse to hug you". I was so surprised and blown away.

We talked a lot about what meaning any touch would have and what purpose it would serve. It was probably a month later when we hugged for the first time. I remember it feeling a bit awkward and weird. We didn't hug regularly at first.

I first asked him about hand holding around the time we started having conversations about touch. He said he would be happy to do that if I thought it might be helpful. I've held his hand maybe 4 times in the last couple of years (most recently 2 sessions ago).

We hug at the end of every session now. Sometimes mid session if I ask.

[skysblue]

Once - before she went on medical leave. Probably never again.

[Argonautomobile]

We have never had physical contact of any kind. I've never asked; he's never offered.

[AllHeart]

My ex-t and I used to hug every time we met and every time before we parted ways. I will admit that the hugs helped me to get over my fear of hugging other adults. Hugs are a-ok!

Current t...well, let's just say I feel like I have the plague with her so even if I ever want a hug from her, no way I'd ever ask her.

[88Butterfly88]

I'm not big on touch since I have sensitive skin and t knows this so we usually avoid physical contact. A few of my former ts hugged me on our last session however, we couldn't help it since we were so emotional.

[Out There]

EMDR T has shaken my hand three times - I'd quite like handshakes from both my T's. Touch is such an interesting subject in therapy - I would've liked my main T to have held my hand for grounding earlier on , but I don't think he would have and I noted the stories of things going wrong when introducing touch so I've been wary of it. I have noted things going well though too.

[Anne2.0]

I couldn't vote on the poll as there was no "none" option. I'm a hugger in real life but I've really never been interested in physical contact with therapists. Sometimes when my son was young I felt touched out from all the ways parenting is physically intimate. So I think the emotional intimacy in therapy is enough for me, physically therapy would have a negative impact.

[MoxieDoxie]

I am female he is male. Male therapist have to be verrrry cautious in the "Me to" world so no he does not dare even come close to me. If he has to even get up and pass me to get to a file he will narrate every move his is about to make. That is a little obnoxious I have to say.