[wheeler]

I’ve always thought of my T as special, more that just keeping her on a pedestal. It was a painful desire to be close to her, even to just be in the same room. And it was her ‘specialness’ that drove me, that overwhelmed me.

Recently she’s said some things and made some directives that have really bothered me and I no longer see her as perfect. Now I suppose that’s sort of a good thing but it also has seemed to have diminished my drive to work with her.

So do you see your T as special and is that why work with them?

Not at all. I don't really see anyone more special than others (and certainly not perfect), or we can say everyone is special and unique in many ways. There are people I personally like more than others or find that they are more compatible with me. There are also people I find especially repulsive. I think it's all very subjective. My view is that putting people on pedestals and projecting "extraordinary" traits onto them usually predisposes relationships to fail as no one really can stand up to those expectations. I like to cultivate some ideals but more for myself, just use them as value schemas to draw from when trying to develop myself. But not with the idea of perfection or ever completely matching those.

I understand the diminishing motive when we find out that something or someone is not as ideal as our mental images can be. I think what often drives relationships of all kinds, especially in the beginning, is seeing (or projecting) potential. And when experience gradually brings reality across and weakens the mental projections or wishes, it inevitably leads to diminishing belief in the potential and motivation goes with it at least a bit. I think it is very common and not a bad thing at all, it's a process that helps to adjust expectations and work on more realistic goals. I think there is disappointment in every relationship but it does not have to kill it - what's more important is the balance, the sum of what we get out of it. In therapy, I often feel that many clients expect the therapist to behave perfectly and provide only good things - that's impossible. The problem is that Ts often try to sell an ideal image and promises as well and clients do buy them. Of course that will lead to frustrations. For me, what helps when I start a new endeavor is seeing and accepting from the beginning that potential and product (outcome) are two different things and pretty much no one and nothing ever realizes its full potential.

[88Butterfly88]

Current t I don't see as special, just not super close to her. Former ts I've seen as slightly special because they knew a lot of my secrets and helped me with them.

[DP_2017]

In a sense ya. I have a T that many dislike because of how he does things with me but for me, I'm GLAD I have a rare T like this, one that was willing to meet me where I felt comfortable..... without a T like this, I'd not be as trusting, assertive or comfortable as I am with him. I also would have quit ages ago

This is not why I see him though. We would be better off as friends, no doubt in my mind, but "rules" and all that jazz, so if the only way to keep him in my life, is in therapy, then I will keep going. He means that much to me and it's super rare I find someone with my same type of humor...we work great together

[stopdog]

No, not at all.
I think both of them thought they were. They would say things like "... and I am Your Therapist..." like that made some sort of a difference to me (It did not). It always baffled me when they would emphasize that they were a therapist I had hired. Then they seemed baffled when I would point out that 1. I did not view them as My Therapist and 2. why would they think it mattered to me.

They were not even close to being usual, let alone special.

[wheeler]

Originally Posted by stopdog

No, not at all.
I think both of them thought they were. But they were not even close to being usual, let alone special.

Do you think that you’ve made progress(whatever that means to you) without them feeling special to you?

[stopdog]

I don't think therapy is a vehicle I looked to in order to make progress on anything.
The therapists were not unuseful to me in terms of using their office as a place to vent and grieve when my person got sick and then died.
Therapy was not useful in any way for the reasons I first hired a therapist and I do not believe that was based on whether I considered any part of the experience to be special or not.

[ChickenNoodleSoup]

Depends on what you mean by special. I think every human being is special in some way. There's things I think are special about my T, such as that he seems to only have heard of the internet around 2015 or more therapy related that he doesn't have tissues out in the open, yet offers them to me every single session and has to get them from somewhere. But I don't think he's special as a T overall, as in he can do things that others can't or won't. He's not perfect by any means, but I still feel that working with him helps me overcome my own issues.

[Carmina]

Yes, she's amazing

[lucozader]

Yes, he's very special. And now I'm being forced to see someone new instead.

[Rive1976]

No not really

[SlumberKitty]

I felt like my former T was very special. My new T I don't feel that way but I've only seen her three times. My former T was special because of the insights that she had into my life and the care that she gave me. Maybe she was special because she made me feel like I was worth caring about. That's a special feeling to me. It's not one that I feel often.

[PurpleBlur]

Originally Posted by wheeler

I’ve always thought of my T as special, more that just keeping her on a pedestal. It was a painful desire to be close to her, even to just be in the same room. And it was her ‘specialness’ that drove me, that overwhelmed me.

Recently she’s said some things and made some directives that have really bothered me and I no longer see her as perfect. Now I suppose that’s sort of a good thing but it also has seemed to have diminished my drive to work with her.

So do you see your T as special and is that why work with them?

That’s just a sign that your transference fog is dissipating and you are starting to see the woman as she is, and not the all powerful priestess you saw in the transference.

I think my t is special, (Bc she’s good to me and cares for me/loves me.) I think asking a question like this is the same as asking “do you think your children are special?”

Of course the answer is yes- Bc your child belongs to you. You belong to them.

In ideal t relationships this is the same. They belong to you and you belong to them. So you think they’re special.

[fille_folle]

Hmm. This is a complex question. If you mean, is my T special compared to other therapists, the answer is that I don't know. I think unless a client has experienced a large number of therapists, this would be impossible to answer. I have only had two therapists. I do think my relationship with my longtime therapist was a bit special, because she cared about me a lot. I am identifying specialness in that instance because I cannot expect another therapist to go to the same lengths she did to try to help me. However, both of my Ts are "special" to me. How could they not be, when I share things with them that I share with no one else?

[atisketatasket]

I’ve had enough therapists to say that none of them are special as therapists. They are unique in their strengths and weaknesses is all.

Can the person become special to the client? Sure. I don’t think it’s necessary to make progress though. And sometimes it might impede progress.

[velcro003]

I feel like my T is opposite of special. She is the epitome of "normal crazy." She has shown me her life is not perfect in any way over the years, so impossible to put her on a pedastal, not that i'd ever want to.

[Echos Myron redux]

Special to me. He's someone I will always remember and be influenced by. He's not the messiah (or a very naughty boy).

ETA: come to think of it, the feedback I often get on here is that he is more willing to examine himself and be vulnerable with me than most therapists are. So I guess he's special as a therapist in that sense.

[wheeler]

Originally Posted by PurpleBlur

That’s just a sign that your transference fog is dissipating and you are starting to see the woman as she is, and not the all powerful priestess you saw in the transference.

I think my t is special, (Bc she’s good to me and cares for me/loves me.) I think asking a question like this is the same as asking “do you think your children are special?”

Of course the answer is yes- Bc your child belongs to you. You belong to them.

In ideal t relationships this is the same. They belong to you and you belong to them. So you think they’re special.

Maybe, hopefully, it is the transference dissipating. Hard to know if I'm simply angry at her or if she's fallen off the pedestal and we can still work together

[AllHeart]

No way. She is no more special to me than I am to her.

[nottrustin]

T was very special to me. We had a great relationship and she helped me in many ways. However I don't think she was special in the way of being better than anybody else or that she was perfect. She often pointed out her faults. Often because I would beat myself up for making mistakes and not being perfect. She knew I thought highly of her even with her fault. She pointed out her faults so that I would be as forgiving and compassionate to myself I was towards her and everybody else. In that sense she was perfect for me

[Salmon77]

My T has some good traits and is a good "fit" for me in many ways. We have a good relationship we've built over the years. I don't think I could switch to some other therapist and be just as satisfied. So in that way he is "special". But I don't think he's perfect and he doesn't pretend to be.

[ScarletPimpernel]

T is special to me. She's the only person who not only hasn't left me, but she's never abused me or taken advantage of me. She knows all my secrets. I do have a strong attachment to her, but I'm not sure I put her on a pedestal. I know some of her flaws, so I can see her realistically.

I have not ever had my T on a pedestal, and she is definitely not perfect. I have spent way too much time with her (in therapy and in real life) to know her faults and odd ways. However, she is very special in several ways.

[Lemoncake]

The title reminds me of the book the little prince and the conversation he has with the fox.

T is special to me.

[RaineD]

I've never seen him as perfect. He's stubborn, set in his ways, impervious to reason at times. If he believed the earth is flat, there's no convincing him that it's a sphere, lol. But he's very, very special to me.