how can i tell if T will ever give me what i am thinking i need? how can i tell if he can speak back to me in the way i need?

he says i dont need to feel the same things i felt at the times i was hurt in order to heal from them... is that true? i feel like i need to..

[Perna]

It's a "wall" you can't know if he's chipping away on the other side or not. You can only work from your side and look for signs of "Spring".

I realized my walls were good protection for me. That gave me courage to risk a bit more. I knew I could raise the drawbridge, drop the portcullis, cue the hot oil on the ramparts and the alligators in the moat before the "other" guy could blink :-) So I quit "worrying" about it and started letting people know what I "really" wanted and spent more time with what they gave me (if it was going to bite, I could close up in time so I gave myself more time to "explore" what it was and why they'd given it to me), etc.

You are really well able to take care of yourself. So let your head and heart explore a bit more and if it's "too much" then you'll close up like a clam before more damage can be done. Risk!