[sidony]

So the other night we had a new guy in group. He tells his story and it's about his recent marriage ending, how difficult a time he had with it then and afterward, etc. And it reminded me a lot of my own hard time in dealing with my last breakup (which I still dwell on constantly). In fact, his story seemed very familiar to me. But when T asked me how I felt, I just said that it sounded really hard and sad. I never even implied that it was very similar to my own story. I don't know why I didn't. T asked me about it the next day in individual therapy. I couldn't even think of a reason why I didn't share that. Sometimes I don't say the most obvious things. Things like "oh look, we have that in common." I think I was partially nervous because the situation was different with someone new in it. But I'm not sure why else. Maybe I thought it would detract from his story somehow if I implied that it was similar to mine. Or something. Ultimately it's probably that I still feel self-conscious in group, makes it hard to talk naturally. I don't know if I'm ever going to get over that! But it's no wonder I can't be close to people when I fail to even mention that we have things in common.

Did I mention I don't like change? T said he was going to have to change things more often for me so I'd carry things over more from group into my normal life. I don't know how much I carry over. I do know social anxiety is not as bad as it was for me, although that wasn't my primary reason for entering group. I don't know if I'm really learning to be closer to people or not. Sometimes I feel like I'm being more natural when I'm making small-talk in the lobby. At least I'm not self-conscious then. I don't know.

This is just a rambling collection of thought about Monday's group. It interests me. I do tend to feel less depressed after group.

Sidony

[nowheretorun]

we have this story in common... Happy Thanksgiving

[sidony]

Good response! Happy Thanksgiving to you too!

Group sure is an interesting beast. If nothing else, it gives me something to think about.

It was funny -- this past weekend I attended a party called the "Gender Fishbowl Party." In it, everyone wrote out a question for the opposite gender. Then the women sat in the middle and answered their questions, followed by the men answering theirs (very interesting and a lot of fun!). I was telling T about this, and he pointed out that it was out of character for me to be willing to talk in a group like that. After he said it I realized that a year ago I would have bailed rather than have to answer questions in a group. This time it didn't even occur to me to be bothered by that. I forgot that would have even made me anxious! And yet even just 2 years ago I was bothered by the simple act of having to say my name in a group setting (when we'd introduce ourselves at one of the events in my social circle). I didn't even notice when that became easier, but this is no doubt an effect of group...

Sidony

[Perna]

I often don't go "further" and tell similarities because then the conversation opens up and includes me and who knows where it will end? I'm always afraid it will get out of my "control."