Reasons for termination now revealed - I appreciate support on this

I´ve posted about my termination and now finally the reasons for it are revealed. It´s a sad story but at least I don´t need to feel abandoned to the same extent as I did some days ago.

When I talked to my therapist she revealed that she had knew we had to end, perhaps as early as before this summer, but that she couldn´t bring herself to do that. She said she didn´t want me to feel left or disappointed.

She said she had pushed the limits and "gone too far" as she actually isn´t allowed to see clients within church where she works. She´s allowed to give a maximum of 20 sessions of general counselling, not therapy, and she wanted to give more.

When I sent her my e-mail she had went to her supervisor, working in the same church, and suddenly it became clear to that supervisor that my therapist had offered me therapy when she actually isn´t supposed to.

My therapist said she needs to look into this why she acted like this and see her supervisor to find out why she couldn´t end it earlier with me.


She said it had nothing to do with the actual content in my e-mail, it was more of an unlucky situation where she had to reveal how many times she had seen me.

Unprofessional, yes, but at least I now know it was partly out of her control. She said several times she should have ended it and given me a real termination, like during a month or so, but she couldn´t bring herself to say that to me.

I appreciate she did this for me, she took the risk to see me many more times than allowed and of course the sorrow is still there as I can´t meet with her again. She offered a couple of phone sessions so that was at least something.


I appreciate support on this.

I'm glad she was honest with you.
Very sorry she can't see you anymore.

I'm glad that you at least got that info... although I'm sure it's still difficult to go through this. I wish I had the right words that could help sending safe hugs.

I had wondered if maybe the problem was that she wasn't able to give you the kind of therapy you need in the church/support-only setting. I'm glad it didn't have anything to do with you personally. I was in a similar situation with my T before she moved to private practice, and it's really frustrating to have a good connection with your T but for your treatment to be limited in certain ways by outside forces.

Now that your T knows you and has an idea of what you need, do you think part of the transitional phone sessions can be about her helping you find other therapists or resources that will work for your particular situation?

you see! I told you it was her supervisor.


not your fault at all.

Hi Sarah, I'm also very sorry that your therapy can't continue and it must be very painful, but also glad that your T was able to be honest and share the real reasons. This saves you from imagining the worst, that she hates you or doesn't care or other places that our imaginations can take us when we just don't know...

How are you doing now?

I'm SO GLAD for you that she had enough compassion for you that she went above and beyond. SO GLAD there are people like that still in the church, even though they had to put the limits that they eventually did. SO GLAD that you had the good times that you did, that you had the positive feelings for her that you did, that you could experience that and, yes -- unfortunately, then, the loss and the sorrow. But the sorrow can pass -- I'm learning that, slowly. Hope things will look up for you soon.

I'm glad you got some answers and clarification. It still hurts but it allows one to not have to wonder about all the whys. I'm sorry she had to stop seeing you but it does seem like it was truly out of her control. ((Hugs))

Thanks. Yes, even if it´s hard to now know I´ll never see her again, even if we can talk on the phone a couple of times, I´m glad she could explain things and not be defensive. I also now know she saw something in me that made her go beyond what she was supposed to do, that is she gave me therapy instead of just general counselling. It also has a value in knowing it´s not me who "feel too much" or that I need to worry about some diagnosis.


Hugs back to you.

Thanks. Yes, hard to believe it before I now had this talk with her but now I´m glad it was the church and her supervisor that was behind the final decision.

Hi Satsuma. Thanks. Yes, it is painful but some of the pain was taken away when I now know I wasn't just a "nobody" to her but someone she cared for. Which of course makes it very hard to grapple I won´t see her again.


I´m not nervous anymore for what will happen or how I´m going to be able to talk to her. I think I feel a kind of quiet sorrow and a relief that I now know and that it was right to trust her. I´ll feel a longing for her but at the moment I know I´m going to have like two phone sessions with her which makes the longing less acute.

Thanks. Thanks for your support. Yes, even if her doing that now got consequences I hadn´t expected I think I already now feel she did the right thing. If she had just followed all rules we had never engaged in therapy but just counselling. The sorrow is now another kind of sorrow than I've been feeling the last days as before it was a sorrow because I felt abandoned. Now I feel grateful she did what she did even if I of course wish there was a way to continue with her.

Thanks. Yes, I really agree it´s now a relief there aren´t so many "whys" anymore. Yes, it was beyond her control even if she could have stopped it earlier on. But in retrospect I wouldn´t chose just councelling or "chats" instead of therapy even if it´s no so much harder to process the loss. As I asked her I also know that if we had been in a private practise my e-mail to her which started all this hadn´t been a reason for her to just terminate. By that I know she acted under circumstances she couldn´t control.

I'm still sorry it it had to end, but glad that you are able to see that she DID care about you. Kramar

While it is sad, you had to stop seeing her, I am glad you now know why.

I'm glad you were able to learn the real reason, and that your termination wasn't about rejection or anything negative about you and what you said/did in email or over the course of therapy. I hope this allows you to move forward without feeling like the same thing happens in therapy over again, and with a sense of value about yourself that your T would want to work with you and help you enough to break the rules at her organization. 20 sessions is not very much, but it's not atypical here in this country at public mental health agencies.

I think many people in helping professions go above and beyond for their clients when they can and when they think people can benefit from it. In your shoes I would feel grateful for the generosity of my therapist and pleased that she thought I was making good progress in therapy.

Sarah- I hope I’m not overstepping by writing this- that I know you struggle sometimes with depression and with feeling like there’s no point to anything and there’s no way to change anything. I hope from this whole experience, sad as it is for you right now, that you take that your therapist really, really, really overstepped her own boundaries, put herself at risk, with her own supervisor, really put her neck on the line which most people are not willing to do these days just to help you. All of that means that she saw and sees that you are worth those risks, worth mattering, and that there’s nothing wrong with you. I just hope you take that and carry that with you to whatever happens next and use it to help yourself continue to fight. I’m so glad you’re feeling more at peace now about the reasons for the termination, and much empathy to you for the sorrow of losing this special person who was helping you.

Im so glad she told you the reason why and that you feel better. Not many places would be that kind unfortantly. It's sad that they have a session limit. I would of hoped they would of told you from the start so you had a idea that there was a limit how many sessions they could offer you. Hugs

Thanks. Yes, I´m really glad I got to know what was behind this termination and that she admitted her own part in this and explained it had been difficult for her.


Kramar tillbaka.

Thanks. Yes, I´m very glad about that too even if my grief is now so profound. As I miss her I mean. I see it the way you describe, as I meant something to my therapist and that it was something in me that wanted her to go beyond what was allowed. We had over 30 sessions, 20 sessions was the limited amount set by the church.

I´m very grateful which in a way also heightens my grief.

Thanks. No, you´re not overstepping, I appreciate what you´re writing. Yes, I´m very grateful she did this and something made her do all this although she knew from the beginning of our contact that they actually limit the amount of sessions. She said she needs supervision to understand why she did all this, she said she got entangled in the therapy process. I think she maybe recognised some parts of me in herself or similar and that made her feel a connection to me.

Thanks for your empathy.

Thanks. Yes, in the beginning my therapist said she usually give 10 sessions with a possibility to get up to 20 sessions but no more. But after perhaps 10 sessions or so she said we could be in therapy "as long as I needed" which I found a bit strange but still took as something positive.

But here I think it was more of a wishful thinking from my therapist's side. I think she already then had felt some connection to me and that she wanted to do more for me. The 20 session limit was still there and after she exceeded that with almost 20 sessions more her supervisor got to know about it and ended it all.

how long did you see this t in all?

Thanks. I saw her for about 10 months, once a week. I'm now so sad and the grief hurts. As we don't have referalls I'm now without any support on this. Also, noone could replace my therapist even if I know an end would eventually happen.