[TrailRunner14]

I’ve wanted to put this here for a bit and was reluctant. I thought it might be too “woo woo” but my curiosity won.

There is a blue light that I can see/feel inside myself and it strains to be bright.

This light feels like it’s covered in layers of the hurt and wounds that I’ve been working through. It’s really calling to me now.

I know about the layers of healing being like the layers of an onion.

I know about having to peel them back and heal them.

I know that it takes time and the slower you go the better it is.

I know that.

I also know that this is calling my name.

I talked with my counselor about it and he told me that he has clients that have told him about this light too.

I don’t want to peel the layers back.

I want to ignite that light and push the layers away.

It feels suffocating and I want to do something.

I don’t want the pain of peeling the layers away one at a time.

Does anyone else know this light?

[Out There]

I know that light - people from time immemorial have known this light when they look inside themselves , as difficult as that is. The video helps me with this feeling. It calls me - if I go there's just no telling how far I'll go !

[koru_kiwi]

when i read what you shared, the first thing that came to my mind and thought it may be relevant is a song called 'Jimmy' by the band Tool. if you are not familiar with Tool or the lead singer, Maynard James Keenan, he too is a survivor of childhood sexual abuse and many of the subjects in Tool songs seem to delve heavily into themes about ones healing or the healing journey. anyway, the song 'Jimmy' seems to be about Maynard's inner child who is at the age of 11 when some of the abuse happened to him. in the song he is reuniting with his inner child and it is the inner child who is the one carrying the light:

Hold your light
Eleven
Lead me through each gentle step by step
By inch by loaded memory
I'll move to heal
As soon as pain allows so we can
Reunite and both move on together
Hold your light
Eleven, lead me through each gentle step by step
By inch by loaded memory
'Til one and one are one, eleven
So glow, child, glow
I'm heading back home

what an interesting topic. thanks for bringing it up. it will be fascinating to read what others share.

[TrailRunner14]

Originally Posted by Out There

I know that light - people from time immemorial have known this light when they look inside themselves , as difficult as that is. The video helps me with this feeling. It calls me - if I go there's just no telling how far I'll go !

Thank you for this!

[TrailRunner14]

Originally Posted by koru_kiwi

when i read what you shared, the first thing that came to my mind and thought it may be relevant is a song called 'Jimmy' by the band Tool. if you are not familiar with Tool or the lead singer, Maynard James Keenan, he too is a survivor of childhood sexual abuse and many of the subjects in Tool songs seem to delve heavily into themes about ones healing or the healing journey. anyway, the song 'Jimmy' seems to be about Maynard's inner child who is at the age of 11 when some of the abuse happened to him. in the song he is reuniting with his inner child and it is the inner child who is the one carrying the light:


Hold your light

Eleven

Lead me through each gentle step by step

By inch by loaded memory

I'll move to heal

As soon as pain allows so we can

Reunite and both move on together

Hold your light

Eleven, lead me through each gentle step by step

By inch by loaded memory

'Til one and one are one, eleven

So glow, child, glow

I'm heading back home


what an interesting topic. thanks for bringing it up. it will be fascinating to read what others share.

This is relevant and the lyrics spoke to me.

I’m feeling that the blue light is the core of who I was created to be, before the wounds and brokenness was wrapped around it.

I’m not a very patient person and it feels like that impatience is also coming from my core.

It’s been 5 years since the first layer was peeled away and it hasn’t been easy. Each layer has been painful and sometimes I thought that I wouldn’t be able to do it. Thinking about it now though, I’ve become stronger in the process.

I do wish that I could empower that light to shine brilliant enough to burn away the layers that are left.

I guess I will just trust the process and keep peeling.

Thank you for your replies!

[TrailRunner14]

I did find this.

Another big Tool fan, if makes any difference My fave Tool works were Schism and Vicarious. But pretty much anything else. Maynard James Keenan is yet another one of those people I think I identify with. And not even via much abuse. More thinking and expression style (the videos!).

I also wrote many short stories in my 20's involving, including a stubborn Blue Light. Mine was not about abuse or recovery, more about a certain representation of my motive, perhaps part of me. My "blue light" back then was searching its identity (my identity) and possibility for integration.

[TrailRunner14]

Originally Posted by Xynesthesia

Another big Tool fan, if makes any difference My fave Tool works were Schism and Vicarious. But pretty much anything else. Maynard James Keenan is yet another one of those people I think I identify with. And not even via much abuse. More thinking and expression style (the videos!).

I also wrote many short stories in my 20's involving, including a stubborn Blue Light. Mine was not about abuse or recovery, more about a certain representation of my motive, perhaps part of me. My "blue light" back then was searching its identity (my identity) and possibility for integration.

I wonder about the significance of the lights being blue.

In dreams the color blue can represent revelation; enlightment.

[here today]

Originally Posted by TrailRunner14

. . .
Does anyone else know this light?

I don't, but it sounds interesting. Thanks for posting and starting the thread. I could be jealous but I'd rather be curious.

[ReptileInYourHead]

Koru, what’s the significance of the number ‘eleven’ in that poem?

In dreams the color blue can represent revelation; enlightment. In dreams the color blue can represent revelation; enlightment.I can't transmit my 20's version anymore other than from memories.

Yes, and "blue" knowledge, maturity, ability to stay still. Education. To age well. Life-long search for knowledge and wisdom.

There was a "red" light for whose motivation was trying everything possible in life was everything lustful and in-the-moment. Creating beautiful gardens (my dad) or anything momentarily beautiful and pleasurable. Exploring all the senses, sexual adventures, whatever a young developing brain/mind might. Destructive energies.

I did not have much external limits to any of the above, as a child. So, it became my task to integrate the "blue" and "red", over time. I think that has worked pretty well. It was also my task to discover how limited I was in fact, and to try to use community better. Why I am still here.

[koru_kiwi]

Originally Posted by ReptileInYourHead

Koru, what’s the significance of the number ‘eleven’ in that poem?

eleven is what Maynard refers to the inner child as and is most likely his age when the abuse happened. apologies, i didn't include all the lyrics to the song on my first post and it might make more sense if i do:

Tool-Jimmy

What was it like to see
The face of your own stability
Suddenly look away
Leaving you with the dead and hopeless?
Eleven and she was gone
Eleven is when we waved good-bye
Eleven is standing still
Waiting for me to free him
By coming home

Moving me with a sound
Opening me within a gesture
Drawing me down and in
Showing me where it all began
Eleven

It took so long to realize that
You hold the light that's been leading me back home
Under a dead Ohio sky
Eleven has been and will be waiting
Defending his light
And wondering
Where the hell have I been?
Sleeping, lost, and numb
So glad that I have found you
I am wide awake and heading home

Hold your light
Eleven
Lead me through each gentle step by step
By inch by loaded memory
I'll move to heal
As soon as pain allows so we can
Reunite and both move on together
Hold your light
Eleven, lead me through each gentle step by step
By inch by loaded memory
'Til one and one are one, eleven
So glow, child, glow
I'm heading back home