Memory...What's Going On? (a little long)

I know that this topic has been discussed before, but it didn't seem to be relevant for me at the time. It is now.

When discussed earlier, some said their Ts couldn't recall anything from one session to another, and others said their Ts had minds like steel traps...they remembered everything.


In a nutshell, here's my question: How do other forum members rate their Ts memory? Excellent (recalls nearly everything), Good (doesn't remember everything, but does the major stuff), and Poor (can't recall the day of the week).

I've been with my T for three years. It never occurred to me that T wasn't recalling certain important things from therapy; T takes copious notes during our sessions. The first indication that T wasn't remembering things was when I mentioned that my adoptive mother would threaten to return me to the hospital if I didn't behave - T didn't recall that. This was a serious abandonment issue and one of the core issues in my therapy.


Recently, I mentioned a serious problem we had in 2016 called Projective Identification (PI), which lasted six weeks, then took me six weeks to get back to feeling cautiously optimistic the PI wouldn't derail our therapy again. At that time, I asked for certain behaviors from T to help me feel comfortable that we were "okay" - T would wait for me at the top of the stairs to the office, and T would walk me to the office door when I left our appt. The clues that therapy was off track during Projective Identification was that T would come down stairs to talk to the secretary and tell me to go on upstairs to the office (every week), and when our session was over, T would go straight to his desk without saying 'goodbye' or give any indication the session was over. And the sessions consisted of T telling me I always made him ask what was going on with me, he had to drag information our of me, and never looked at me, etc., none of which was true. T didn't recall that happened, though he still waits for me at the top of the stairs and walks me to the door when our session is over.

T is my age...not yet 70 yo. I recall every little thing, which makes me crazy at times. Should I be concerned? Everything else about our therapy is so on target, that I can't imagine there's an age-related serious issue, like dementia. T's highly intelligent, very present in session, gives appropriate responses and asks incredibly insightful questions. (Just as an aside, T is an Aries for any astrological types here) Aries can juggle many things at one time and are usually highly successful in all they do.

Any thoughts anyone might have regarding this situation would be helpful and appreciated. I'm confused what might be causing this lapse in memory.

I'm sorry this is concerning you. It might be age related , I've noticed memory lapse with older friends sometimes where others of similar age are still as sharp as anything. But you're just noticing it - so it could be slow onset now creeping into your awareness. My main T has the memory of an elephant but does forget odd things. EMDR T is not so good at the little things but certainly does remember the main things. I only lasted two sessions with a T with a bad memory ( major thing she didn't remember and took notes as well ) among other things it was a deal breaker. Try talking to your T about it , if things are bothering you it just gets in the way of therapy. But you may have to look at these might be " senior moments " and how you feel about that.

Mine is good.
But if she does forget something "important" she will say that's interesting that I forgot that. I wonder if other important people in your past forgot "you" too.
I'm adopted also. Abandonment/being forgotten, was/is a big part of my therapy. But it's whether the T is skilled enough to follow the clues as to what happens in the therapy space to my story.

My Ts memory is pretty average I'd say. He remembers most things that are important, some he forgets and unimportant stuff he usually forgets to a large part.

I remember absolutely everything about everything. My Ts memory is reasonable but often needs reminding a little which I’m not a fan of because I don’t like to say something again if I’ve said it before. Just a stubborn feeling I guess.

My T's memory is better than excellent. He remembers even little things that I say, turns of phrase, names of people... It's one of the things I really appreciate about him.

I think that is rare, though. My previous T remembered f*** all and that really bothered me. My impression was that it was because he was working too much, had too many clients (including supervisees)... Perhaps that could be the case with your T too.

My T's memory is good. She doesn't remember all the details, but remembers most. What she is really good at is keeping track of the conversation. We easily get off track, and somehow she remembers where we were originally. Maybe that's normal?, but I can't do that. My memory is horrible!

My former T had a really good memory until the last six months or so that we worked together, but that is when she got MS and she was battling major fatigue. I think I noticed a few months before that maybe that she wasn't remembering like she usually did but up until then she remembered all the important stuff and most of the unimportant stuff. New T, I've only seen her three times. She reads my file in front of me before we start so she should be able to remember stuff! She does have a huge caseload though so although reading my file in front of me kind of bothers me, I do understand it. Kit.

Thank you, Trace62, for responding. Interesting that you wonder if other important people in my past forgot me, too. T is about to go on a 2-week vacation and we've been dealing with why this absence is affecting me so dramatically, talking about object constancy, etc. Last week, I journaled, out of the blue, that it wasn't T who disappeared, it was me. We only had a few minutes to touch on this yesterday, but I told T that as a toddler, Dad kept leaving (for work) every day, over and over and when he was gone, I no longer existed. T asked me where I went. That question is still open...I don't know where I went, or even go today when people leave me.

I know T is skilled enough to follow me in the therapy space, but he may be too close to his own history...he was adopted and he adopted his children. There's more to the story unfolding, but his memory issues are my main concern right now. I have the 'gut' feeling (intuition) that some of the difficulty is rooted in things going on in his life. As much as we all would like for our Ts to leave their issues at the door, sometimes it just doesn't work that way.

Thanks, again...I hope the best for you and your T and that what happens in the therapy space is, indeed, picked up by your T.

My T’s memory is excellent. I don’t know how she does it, as she takes notes while i’m there, and does back to back clients. Tuesday she remembered a tiny detail that I probably told her the first few months of therapy, and we are now at year 3. It amazes me bc i have such a horrible memory.

You might be right, Lucozader. I don't know if T has supervisees, but he has two offices - one here and one out of town two days a week. (Sigh)

I understand your feeling...

If his not done his own personal work. Then he may not be skilled enough to help you.

A T that has gone through their own analyst will be able to tell what is there's and what is yours.
In 16yrs there was only once that T's stuff showed up in the room.
By the next session she knew this. Apologised and told me it was something from her.

My T has an incredible memory. She never takes notes in session and sees me as soon as the previous client leaves but I have never known her to forget anything. I have no idea how she does it. I have never experienced this level of memory in a T before.

That's how I feel about my T!