[rainbow8]

I am still miserable from my pain and anxiety. It's almost a year now, and nothing has changed much. I'm trying Buspar for anxiety because I feel shaky inside almost constantly.

I told T this is the worst thing that has ever happened to me. She agreed it was horrible but said "you WILL get better." I wish I believed her and others who tell me that.

Near the end of the session I told T that I don't have transference feelings for her anymore. I just love her in a normal way. She immediately replied "I love you too."

So what? I just want my life back! It's nice that T expresses love for me but it's irrelevant now. I don't even know if she's helping me so much but she's here with me in this horrible place I'm in now, and I'm grateful for that.

[SlumberKitty]

I'm glad you're not going through it alone. It's nice to know your T cares. I'm sorry you are struggling. I hope the medicine starts to help you. Hang in there.

[rainbow8]

I emailed T because I'm in so much pain but she probably is asleep. She turns off her phone at night. She couldn't help anyway. I can't sleep because my leg hurts when it touches my sheet. It's getting worse, and CBD oil doesn't seem to work, unfortunately.

[here today]

Pain is such a . . .pain. Anxiety sucks, too. Sorry you're having to go through this.

[growlycat]

You must be in so much pain. In the past you would have felt buoyant about her saying that maybe even for days afterwards. I’m sure you are seeing a pain management specialist.

My old t had back problems he was told would require surgery but he tried acupuncture very skeptically. But after a few treatments he was shocked that his pain was gone and didn’t need surgery. Have you tried that route? I’m so sorry you are in a bad place right now.

[Citrine22]

Hi Rainbow,
I have PTSD, severe anxiety, and chronic pain at times. I do a variety of things to help, one of them is The Rosen Method. You could google to see if there is a practioner in your area?It is not a panacea, for me, but it has helped give me a break from pain and anxiety......for sure.

Having someone whose important to you say "they love you" may feel irrelevant. But is it?
That in itself sounds like transference.

[DP_2017]

I'm shocked she said it, I've heard T's are not supposed to say it to clients.... and most wont.

Sorry you seem to be struggling though Hopefully you can get back to the place you were

[Taylor27]

Hugs so sorry you are struggiling with pain and it's not getting better for you. I am so glad you have a very caring therapist.

[rainbow8]

Originally Posted by SlumberKitty

I'm glad you're not going through it alone. It's nice to know your T cares. I'm sorry you are struggling. I hope the medicine starts to help you. Hang in there.

Thank you, SlumberKitty. I hope something helps me too!

Originally Posted by here today

Pain is such a . . .pain. Anxiety sucks, too. Sorry you're having to go through this.

Thank you! Yeah! It's a nightmare!
T

Originally Posted by growlycat

You must be in so much pain. In the past you would have felt buoyant about her saying that maybe even for days afterwards. I’m sure you are seeing a pain management specialist.

My old t had back problems he was told would require surgery but he tried acupuncture very skeptically. But after a few treatments he was shocked that his pain was gone and didn’t need surgery. Have you tried that route? I’m so sorry you are in a bad place right now.

Right! I used to care a great deal when my T expressed love for me. Now my anxiety and pain overrule any other feelings. I tried acupuncture a few times but it didn't seem to help. It's hard to lie down but maybe I will try again. I'm getting an epidural cortisone injection today with a different pain doctor. The first one didn't help at all, but the doctor is injecting it in a different spot in my back. They work for some people, not all. I have an appointment in November at a pain management clinic. It's a whole program, so we'll see. They're booked up til then, just for the evaluation!

Originally Posted by Citrine22

Hi Rainbow,
I have PTSD, severe anxiety, and chronic pain at times. I do a variety of things to help, one of them is The Rosen Method. You could google to see if there is a practioner in your area?It is not a panacea, for me, but it has helped give me a break from pain and anxiety......for sure.

I googled the Rosen Method but there isn't anything in my state. Thank you, though!

Originally Posted by Trace62

Having someone whose important to you say "they love you" may feel irrelevant. But is it?
That in itself sounds like transference.

It never used to feel irrelevant. I needed to hear those words, but now I'm immersed in my pain. I know T loves me! I've been telling her I love her, which may be transference because I didn't say it to those I did love in the past.

Originally Posted by DP_2017

I'm shocked she said it, I've heard T's are not supposed to say it to clients.... and most wont.

Sorry you seem to be struggling though Hopefully you can get back to the place you were

Well, my T has always been "out of the box" and signs all her emails to me "love." She didn't always do it. We're "heartmates" and it works to have love as part of our therapeutic relationship. T doesn't care what you're not supposed to do. Thank you for your wishes!

Originally Posted by Cheryl27

Hugs so sorry you are struggiling with pain and it's not getting better for you. I am so glad you have a very caring therapist.

Thanks, Cheryl. Yeah, my T is always caring though she doesn't know exactly how to help me now.

I am so sorry that the pain still hasn't lessened, rainbow. I know it would drive me crazy, I've never had chronic pain but have a low threshold even for minor pain and physical discomfort, I always find it very distracting and affecting my ability to focus or to experience things that I otherwise like very much and find engaging. I am sure your T feels for you very much, she always sounds like a caring person with integrity from your posts. It's probably not irrelevant per se, just that your focus is taken totally by the pain - how else could it not be?

[rainbow8]

Originally Posted by Xynesthesia

I am so sorry that the pain still hasn't lessened, rainbow. I know it would drive me crazy, I've never had chronic pain but have a low threshold even for minor pain and physical discomfort, I always find it very distracting and affecting my ability to focus or to experience things that I otherwise like very much and find engaging. I am sure your T feels for you very much, she always sounds like a caring person with integrity from your posts. It's probably not irrelevant per se, just that your focus is taken totally by the pain - how else could it not be?

Thanks very much. Yes, my focus is on how bad I feel. The anxiety and/or panic attacks are almost worse than the pain. I'm shaky inside much of the time and it's scary and exhausting. I hope the Buspar works. I'm on a low dose so far. I thought my shakiness was a blood sugar issue but tests are all normal, including heart monitor. All Drs. say it's anxiety! Plus pain. Yeah, it sucks!!!!

[zoiecat]

Sorry you are continuing to struggle. What happened to the touch technique your T was using a while back? It sounded like that was helping you.

[rainbow8]

Originally Posted by zoiecat

Sorry you are continuing to struggle. What happened to the touch technique your T was using a while back? It sounded like that was helping you.

I forgot to ask her to do it yesterday. I was talking about grieving my losses and the time flew by. Last session was different. She came and sat next to me to do it when I was talking about anxiety when I was a child.

[Anne2.0]

When I had a chronic pain experience about five years ago, it very much reactivated old losses and grief. I also felt that my body was betraying me for continuing to have so much pain I couldn't sit down for more than a few minutes even though there was allegedly no medical reason for it and no medical treatment (that I was willing to do, which was basically be doped up) that would cure it.

If you feel that there is nothing more you can do to cure your pain and/or feel better, I think the next step may be to accept that this is your new normal and find a way to live with it. I personally can think of many things you can try, especially topically so they would not interfere with any other medication, but it feels to me that you don't want those kinds of suggestions. I will also say, in the spirit of attempting to be kind and honest, that I'm not sure you've given the things you have tried a long enough trial to see if they work. In my opinion, if you haven't tried CBD oil for at least three months, at either double or triple dose, it hasn't been long enough to see if it would help. Same for acupuncture.

[rainbow8]

I think it's my second month of CBD oil. Not giving up yet, though 1 small bottle is $175! If it works u don't care about price.

Biofreeze, topical roll-on helps. I use that a lot! It's hard to endure lying down for acupuncture. I'm sticking with the Buspar even though I think it makes me dizzy.

My Dr. says medical marijuana is an option. It's legal in my state.

I pray that the epidural cortisone injection I got yesterday will take effect in 1 to 2 weeks!

Thanks, Anne. I hesitate with treatment because I get so exhausted and weak and can't figure out what it's from. Melatonin may be making me tired too. I have to take my Zyrtec for allergies but could be adding to fatigue. Lots of factors! Of course T says the anxiety causes fatigue, as well as the pain.

How did you get better from your chronic pain? If you don't mind sharing? My doctors and T say stress has a lot to do with the extent of pain. I've read Dr. John Sarno's book about his theory.

Originally Posted by rainbow8

I think it's my second month of CBD oil. Not giving up yet, though 1 small bottle is $175! If it works u don't care about price.

Biofreeze, topical roll-on helps. I use that a lot! It's hard to endure lying down for acupuncture. I'm sticking with the Buspar even though I think it makes me dizzy.

My Dr. says medical marijuana is an option. It's legal in my state.

I pray that the epidural cortisone injection I got yesterday will take effect in 1 to 2 weeks!

Thanks, Anne. I hesitate with treatment because I get so exhausted and weak and can't figure out what it's from. Melatonin may be making me tired too. I have to take my Zyrtec for allergies but could be adding to fatigue. Lots of factors! Of course T says the anxiety causes fatigue, as well as the pain.

How did you get better from your chronic pain? If you don't mind sharing? My doctors and T say stress has a lot to do with the extent of pain. I've read Dr. John Sarno's book about his theory.

I can chime in here since I know a bit about PT.

The way to cure pain, if it can be remedied, is to find out what is causing it. Perhaps a simple pinched nerve that physical therapy or massage can fix. Medical tests such as imaging aren't sophisticated enough to show what's going on, especially as they are given lying down but sitting and standing up causes the discs in the back to press on the nerves which are then irritated and still activated when you go to lie down. Ask any PT who will tell you half of patients' imaging doesn't show the problem. Half might even be an understatement since it's much higher if you account for the number who show an issue that appears minor but when those same people get surgery, a major problem is discovered that did not show in the tests.

If you've had anxiety your whole life but are only now tired and weak all the time, then maybe something else is causing the new symptoms. I did not respond well to Melatonin. We may have talked about this on the sleep forum. I'm sorry to hear the CBD oil works for you. I quit taking it as it didn't do much for sleep and it seemed to have caused weight gain (though could be a coincidence). One thing that helps sleep is going to bed early and getting up early rather than late. The difference in quality of sleep is related to hormones, which are on a schedule.

[musinglizzy]

It's nice to hear those words....

I'm sorry you're in so much pain...I know the feeling! I started taking buspar about a month ago....it seems to help some.

[musinglizzy]

Tens units are great.....you can get them at Walgreens, but oftentimes you can get a much nicer unit and insurance will cover. I quit using bio freeze when I found China Gel at my yoga studio. LOVE the stuff!

[Anne2.0]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

How did you get better from your chronic pain? If you don't mind sharing? My doctors and T say stress has a lot to do with the extent of pain. I've read Dr. John Sarno's book about his theory.

I would try medical marijuana before I tried any other pain medication. My "max strength" (although this varies from brand to brand) is about half what you're paying. Are you taking full spectrum or a CBD isolate? (I take a full spectrum, which is cheaper because it includes all the "boids" of hemp and not just a selected one. In the research some people benefit from one but not the other. I just tried the full spectrum one first and since it worked, have stuck with it.

I think you are right that stress is related to chronic pain, and there is a neurological component as well that is affected by mood and "attitude" (as they like to call it in medicine). I tried to work with my stress both in therapy, as you are, and outside of it as in mindfulness and in relationship to the pain. I found it important to meditate in a comfortable position and to work on just breath and letting go of monkey-brain thoughts about my pain and how I thought it would never go away. Being able to meditate for five minutes and let go of thinking about the pain was helpful for me. And what I mean by relationship is I began to try to learn from my pain, both about what helped and what didn't, but also as if I were trying to befriend and learn from it. I tried to develop a less adversarial relationship with it, which was definitely a day by day thing.

I also tried physically to release my muscles connected to the pain, like a progressive body relaxation, because I tend to tense up suddenly and chronically when I'm in pain. Ride the waves of it like I did in childbirth.

As to the other "alternative treatments" I tried, I had the best luck with oils and massaging/rubbing them into the affected spots as many times a day as I could stand. St. John's Wort oil (it's also sold as a salve, but I found it more potent when it was just the herb distilled in olive oil). You may be able to find it in natural food stores or you can order it online, etsy is a favorite spot of mine for these kinds of things. Also tumeric essential oil, mixed 1/1 with black pepper essential oil, with a 1/2 part of ginger essential oil, works well topically. I use just a few drops topically of the mix (you will smell like a curry factory) but it helps me even now when my knee aches or my hip hurts or whatever. Some people mix it into castor oil or another carrier oil.

The other thing I did was cut out gluten. I'm not gluten sensitive or anything else, but I'd had other women tell me that especially arthritis pain is worsened with gluten. I also cut out sugar. Once I was able to get off it for 6 months or so I realized that really helped, as did eating really good fats like olive oil and grass fed/organic/pasture raised meat and eggs. Ate a lot of vegetables and some fruit too. I lost some weight and that helped too. I exercised as much as I could, including swimming and walking.

In my experience, there were a lot of angles into the pain and its relief, and although I was tempted to do them all at the same time, I tried to focus on eating clean and healthy and one thing, like st. john's wort oil at a time.

Originally Posted by rainbow8

All Drs. say it's anxiety!

Came across this and am posting here for you or anyone interested.
Sexism in medicine, which often leads to medical gaslighting, is proven. Seems to occur equally by male and female medical people. Thankfully this mindset is coming to light post-metoo.

Maybe that is happening to you too? If you suspect the possibility, one thing you can try is going to a new doctor who doesn't know your history of anxiety. Good luck.

How Women's ‘Health-Care Gaslighting’ Went Mainstream - The Atlantic
Is Your Doctor Gaslighting You? Here'''s What to Do - Health
Maya Dusenbery, Porochista Khakpour, and Abby Norman’s Books Reflect Growing Chronic Illness Awareness | ***** Media

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by DP_2017

I'm shocked she said it, I've heard T's are not supposed to say it to clients.... and most wont.

Sorry you seem to be struggling though Hopefully you can get back to the place you were

(((((( rainbow )))))))

I’m not shocked she said that, I think she meant she genuinely cares about you.

I’m sorry you’re in so much pain

PS T doesn’t care what you’re not supposed to do.. I like it