Couch 180:

I also agree with the meetup.com thing
Support groups can also be a way to meet people, especially if you're looking for friends who "get it."
I've made a lot of friends through SMART Recovery meetings (non 12 step CBT based recovery group), and I know a lot of people who made friends through AA/NA. I've also met some people through our local Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance meetings, but I don't attend those as regularly because I already have kind of a community that I'm comfortable with within SMART.

My girls weekends are with my high school friends, so with women I’ve known longer than I haven’t. But I hit a point when I looked around and realized that as the kids got past the hanging out at the park while the kids play stage, I kept a couple mom friends but wasn’t really forming new friendships, and I wanted to.

It’s taken a few years, but I’ve continued to slowly develop friendships. I started suggesting “We should go have coffee sometime,” to people I volunteered with or enjoyed chatting with at church or waiting for my kids at classes or wherever. People are busy, I’m busy, sometimes we liked each other but didn’t “click,” but a short coffee hour or two helped us figure out what else we had in common and I’ve slowly developed strong friendships with some of those people. Some have become walking/hiking friends, some drinks and dinner friends, etc.

I'm off to bed, goodnight everyone

I agree that it’s hard to make friends as an adult—most of mine have been through work or grad school, but I now work from home. I recently made a friend through a local Facebook group for parents with kids on autism spectrum. We’ve met in real life a couple times. It can be good to connect online first. So maybe see if you can find local Facebook or other online groups to connect with.

This is another site to meet people, but it's only for women.

Where Women Make New Friends - Girlfriend Social

Also I know the dating app Bumble now has a friendship section as well called Bumble BFF, that one is coed.

Thanks for all the social tips. great idea about the Meetup groups. I only have a couple phone/long distance friends I kept in touch with over the years. My current friends are more acquaintences, which is superficial and unrewarding to me. I feel alone even around people. The advice around slowly forming friendships and the coffee was also very helpful. I've also never thought of using facebook for that purpose but may check it out.

I was actually kind of leery about meeting people online but this is good to hear others' success in that area.

I'm checking out the meetup groups in my area.

So, lets talk about dual relationships with our ts for a min. I have talked about it before, and recently something came up that made me think about it again. Really, since the beginning T and I have had a dual relationship. I started teaching at the small private school his kids went to, shortly after I started seeing t. Through school and dance I met his wife and his kids. We have had little to no problems, we see each other outside of the office at a school function, or dance things and its a friendly hello, or sometimes a light conversation. The thing that I find the hardest to navigate is the fact that over the years his wife and I have struck up a friendship. We aren't close friends, but it's more than acquaintances at this point. This year, my daughter and their daughter are learning a dance duo together that they will be competing in multiple competitions. Through that we have started to talk a lot more. And let me just say, I wanted t's wife to know that I am his client, so I asked him to tell her. I just felt like she should know, because I think as friends sometimes there are things that you may share about your husband that I ok with. But since her husband is my t, I don't want to know them. I just wanted her to know. anyways.. .

It was through her as we were setting up practice time for the girls that I found out t was going to be out of the country. If you recall last week I shared on the couch that it upset me a bit that t went out of the country and didn't tell me he would be gone. Only because he had asked for me to start coming back to therapy a little more often because of recent stress, and SI getting worse. He knows full well that he is part of my safety plan. So, it was upsetting that he didn't say anything to me. I didn't say anything to him because I only knew he was going out of country because his wife told. I felt like somehow that was bringing in my outside "privileged" of knowing something about T because of his wife into our T relationship might be messed up or something. IDK.. does that make sense to anybody? Now, I have to confess because t knows that I Am pissed at him and he is going to ask why next time I see him. I would really not like to dwell on this because of current stressors in my life I kind of feel like I am going off the deep end and would like to focus on that in my appointment.

Would you have felt weird bringing up the fact that you knew your T was going out of country because wife told you? Does it make sense that I feel like I am crossing a boundary?

In preparation for my daughter moving (as she does most of our cooking) I actually made dinner tonight. Mmmm cabbage sauteed with garlic and onion and sausage. It's so good this way! Probably because I made it so I have to love it.

Hope you all have a restful evening, couchies.

Your T knows that you are friends with his wife, I assume. So I think it's completely fine to bring up the thing about his being out of the country. It's not like you figured it out by some underhanded method. If he didn't want clients to know, he should have told his wife not to tell anyone (I assume he eventually told her you were his client?). You haven't done anything wrong here.

My H just made me choose between him and my sister. And he said if she moves in, we're not doing IVF. My sister chose to leave on her own accord. I'm so depressed. You're not supposed to kick family to the curb... literally. I hate my H. I've been saying that a lot lately. All of his reasons why she couldn't stay are b.s.

So now my dad is going to move out and get a place with my sister. I'm happy she has him. Though not receiving my dad's rent money is going to hurt us more financially.

I feel imprisoned in my life.

I'm so sorry, SP...that's not a fair position for your H to put you in. I'm glad she made her own choice.

Partly this is a cultural thing.

But mostly, I suspect your H is threatened by the idea that you might love someone else as much as you love him.

I objected to my BIL treating my home as if it were his own. I need space to be me.

It's not normal for my family to take care of each other. We usually disown each other. So my relationship with my sister is special.

My sister agreed to leave the house from 7am to 6pm. And while she was here, she was going to stay in her room as much as possible.

As far as me loving her more...that might be a fear of his. But if he knew me, he'd know that everyone has a special place in my heart. I love my H differently than my family, differently than my T, and differently than my dogs. But I love them all. My sister is a priority right now because she doesn't have anywhere to go, has a 13 month old and is 6 months pregnant. On top of that, her ex is stalking her and harassing her. She has no home, no job, and only gets a little bit of government assistance.

I'm feeling kind of hurt and invisible right now. Not a single person from my family has contacted me after my father's death two days ago. I have 6 aunts/uncles on my mom's side and 7 cousins. Is it normal to just ignore the adult child of the person who died?

Do they use facebook? Otherwise the physical funeral or memorial is where people go to do that stuff, isnt it?

Maybe you;re right. Unfortunately, my anxiety/PTSD/whatever-you-want-to-call-it means I can't go to the memorial next week.

Sadly, not all survivors of complex trauma develop compassion, and some unknowingly identify with their abuser(s). Made it to a record 90+ days without self harm despite a couple of trolls on reddit instigating people to harm themselves or attempt suicide.

Event with other people with mental illnesses went well. Sad I didn't get to hear 2 of the other participants. Got a really annoying delayed reaction trigger. More baggage to work through, I suppose.

Btw, speaking of IVF, I have my consult tomorrow with the fertility doctor. I'm so excited! Everyone in my life wants me to be a mother. It's my dream! I'm so scared though. I know that the only reproductive thing wrong with me is my hormones. But I am overweight, diabetic, on a ton of meds, and over 35. However, I've lost weight, have my A1C almost to non-diabetic range, I already know which meds I'll be on and not on when pregnant, and am only 36. So it's not a horrible situation. I have hope. These guys will tell me the truth. It's their reputation on the line.

I had pcos.
I've got 3 grown children now. I had twins because of the treatment. But that's fine.
It's a scary journey. Lots of ups and downs. But so worth it.

In my family, none of the cousins know each other as adults, and I doubt my aunt or uncle would think to contact me. They would have contacted their sibling, but not me or my sibling. In my family, it would be more unusual for them to contact us.

My mother had issues conceiving and had great success with IVF. I'm an IVF baby and one of my siblings too. Best of luck, Scarlet.

I'm feeling a bit mixed up about T. He has shown me a couple of signs of discomfort with my spending the weekend on a retreat that his old therapist went to. In spite of him assuring me that it made sense cos me and his ex T are both interested in the topic of the retreat and he has no problem with it. Last week he was like "big weekend for you, meeting my ex t" even though it wasn't a big deal, he's just a guy to me. Then he sent me an unusually short and impersonal response when I emailed him to say the weekend was good. Hmm.

Is there one cousin or aunt or uncle you are or were closer to? Maybe stood up for in a wedding, or shared some special childhood memory with? You could call or email one and explain your situation as YOU want it to be presented. Tell them as much or as little as you wish.

For example, I was shocked when i found out my maternal grandfather thought my husband had divorced me, when in fact i had left him. But by my mother's logic, because i had not been able to force my husband to do my bidding, i was the loser. Frankly by my mothers thinking, i was always the loser period.

So if there is one person, even a cousin-in-law (i have almost all boy cousins, so i tg for their wives!), i can almost guarantee they will be gracious towards you.

Eta - ive missed some pretty significant family events, incl a lot of funerals, so im kinda an expert on being THAT person, unfortunately.