[LostOne369]

Something happened in my session this week that has been bothering me...

One of my diagnosises is PTSD. We were talking about nightmares and she asked if I was having any more. I said "yes" and that they were increased due to some things going on in my life. I then said that they were about "past stuff". I said that so she knew they weren't about more present things or things like a spider chasing me, etc.

She replied with something like "well really, no kidding" in a really sarcastic tone. T then backtracked a little and said that she didn't mean to be flippant, that PTSD nightmares are about past things and apologized, saying maybe I wasn't aware of that. I really didn't say anything and the session continued.

Too late, T. That sarcastic comment really hurt. What makes matters worse is that T is going to be gone for 2 weeks due to some surgery (I see her weekly). So this last session was kind of odd because she wanted to keep things lighter and not get into any trauma work. I usually email her a lot between sessions and she's okay with that. Well, now I don't fee like saying anything. I guess the comment hurt not because of what she said, exactly, it was the tone of her voice...and the fact that it seemed to slip out. It's like I feel she was fed up with me or doesn't like me or something and it accidentally showed.

I feel like disappearing from her life for 2 weeks and not communicate via email so she will wonder about me. But then again, she has her own life and probably wouldn't wonder at all, right? Am I overreacting? Too sensitive? I'm not sure what to do for the next two weeks.

[Out There]

I don't think you're overreacting or being too sensitive - those things can affect someone with trauma quite easily. But it seems she's caught herself and backtracked quickly. If this is out of character for her and she has things on her mind ( like her surgery ) try to understand what's happening. I can hear my T saying use DBT skills here I think we always process things a little more when we get triggered ( much as we don't like getting triggered ) I don't think she's fed up with you or wants to get rid of you - it's easy to read all sorts of things into a tone of voice that often aren't really there if we take pause and look at what's happening. But I get the feeling of wanting to avoid - it does come from the past. Hugs that you're feeling like this.

[Travelinglady]

Yes, her reaction was uncalled for and I can understand why it hurt, but since she was aware of that after the fact and apologized, then I encourage you to try to move on. T's have bad days as well. She might be worried about her surgery. Please try to forgive and forget. It'll be healthier for you as well. Okay?

I'm so sorry.

I've noticed that when I am vulnerable, things that would ordinarily would not be a big deal feel enormous. I don't think descriptives like 'too sensitive' or 'overreacting' apply to therapy, which is basically a vacuum of reactions of all magnitudes.

Are you able to write or email your therapist and explain what you are feeling? It seems to be a healthier outlet than trying to hold in strong feelings for many weeks.

[Anne2.0]

I work with people with a lot of trauma (though I'm not a T) and sometimes I try to be funny (and use sarcasm for humor). Many times it works well to help communicate understanding and emotional support to the person, but sometimes my timing or execution is deeply flawed. If I can realize it, I will say that I apologize for being "flippant" about it (exactly the right word IMO).

However you feel is just fine, but I guess I would offer the perspective that she wasn't trying to be hurtful, she made a mistake, and she recognized it and owned up to it in the moment. It sounds like it might be helpful to you to hold onto her mistake and the negativity associated with this because it might make missing her in these oncoming weeks easier, or at least it seems like it does.

Sometimes it has been true for me that the more I focus on other people's mistakes, the more I hold their feet to the fire even if it's inside my own head, the harder I am on others, the more I am focused on my own mistakes or am hard on myself. This has caused me suffering, and as I've learned to be more forgiving of myself it is easier to let go of mistakes others have made.

You can try on cutting other people some slack for not being perfect. Recognizing and apologizing for something said pretty much in the same moment is as close to perfect as I'll ever get. I know plenty of people who have trouble with that and have trouble with recognizing and apologizing for their mis-speaks even after it's pointed out to them. There are tons of threads about T's who can't even do what yours just did.

Holding onto other people's mistakes is a form of revenge, as is your desire to have your T "wonder" about you. There's that truism/cliche about this that goes "It's like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die."

Other people's "mistakes" or other negative attributes can be helpful in changing your relationships (i.e. getting rid of people who are not healthy for you) but IME letting go of this stuff is a far better option than steeping in it. It's been better for me and better for my relationships.

That flippant remark would upset me.
Make me angry and also feel like walking away.

[Argonautomobile]

Sometimes people **** up. My T's done the exact same thing - made a sarcastic comment and then walked it back. It's okay to be hurt. Talk about it the next time you see her.

[SlumberKitty]

I think it's good your T realized her comment was hurtful, and apologized. Anyone can have an off moment or an off day. It doesn't mean she doesn't care about you or that she is tired of you or anything like that. It just means she had an off moment. Try to not hold it against her and try to not beat yourself up over what it might mean.

[saidso]

I think saying something sarcastic or irritable can say more about the stress of the person saying it than about their relationship with another person. When I'm stressed I am easily irritated, that's me - and I'm irritated with 80% of every person who I meet.

It wasn't good therapy, but given she's in need of an operation I don't think you should believe that it reflects on you personally.

I think we can't depend on others always to make us feel ok about ourselves, or not ok about ourselves. Can work with that feeling ok or not okness ourselves, owning it as our own stuff, as well as accepting love and care from others.

She acknowledged her mess, and you can acknowledge yours: I mean that as empowering you to have agency, just for now, until you see her again.

[Ididitmyway]

I can understand making a mistake in the moment. If the person can own up to it and apologize, which she did, then it's forgivable.

However, what I find more of a problem is her strategy to avoid discussing anything trauma related the next session. I think, she should've done the opposite. Knowing that you were hurt by her remark, she should've started the next session by checking in with you and asking you to tell her a little more about how her mistake made you feel. This would've made you feel validated and heard and would've really repaired the rupture.

As a therapist, who, I assume, knows how trauma operates, she should've known that whenever ruptures happen with trauma survivors, no matter how minor they may seem, the best way to repair it is to revisit what happened and give the person an opportunity to express fully how they felt about it and to listen to them without getting defensive. When she "made a light" out of it, she dismissed it as a "no biggie", even though for you it was a"biggie". This is a classic "empathy failure" in therapy, which is a major mistake, not a minor one. I'd forgive her if she owns this one.

So, I don't blame you for being upset. She apologized for her initial mistake but your pain was dismissed when it shouldn't have been.

You might be only hurting yourself if you disappear for 2 weeks. I'd talk with her about it. It's understandable to be upset.

Recently my T laughed at something I said related to a trauma. I called him out for it right at the moment and expressed my disapproval. Not sure why it came out that way as that's not his normal style. he never really had an answer. But it is not characteristic for him, so it was only a fleeting moment and easy to let go.

If you are reacting strongly, it might be worth exploring.

[SalingerEsme]

That would also deeply hurt my feelings. Following that up seems important. Being insensitive about PTSD, no matter how worried about herself the T might be, is hurtful and the opposite of therapeutic. It seems to me she is probably resentful of being "giving" situationally bc of the surgery in her private life? Just a guess if she is usually supportive and deft. I love my T but a few times he has said really rough comments- and it hurts more because he normally is on perfect pitch. We did survive them, but it took time. I would be very upset with that sarcastic comment from my T as well.

Originally Posted by LostOne369

Something happened in my session this week that has been bothering me...

One of my diagnosises is PTSD. We were talking about nightmares and she asked if I was having any more. I said "yes" and that they were increased due to some things going on in my life. I then said that they were about "past stuff". I said that so she knew they weren't about more present things or things like a spider chasing me, etc.

She replied with something like "well really, no kidding" in a really sarcastic tone. T then backtracked a little and said that she didn't mean to be flippant, that PTSD nightmares are about past things and apologized, saying maybe I wasn't aware of that. I really didn't say anything and the session continued.

Too late, T. That sarcastic comment really hurt. What makes matters worse is that T is going to be gone for 2 weeks due to some surgery (I see her weekly). So this last session was kind of odd because she wanted to keep things lighter and not get into any trauma work. I usually email her a lot between sessions and she's okay with that. Well, now I don't fee like saying anything. I guess the comment hurt not because of what she said, exactly, it was the tone of her voice...and the fact that it seemed to slip out. It's like I feel she was fed up with me or doesn't like me or something and it accidentally showed.

I feel like disappearing from her life for 2 weeks and not communicate via email so she will wonder about me. But then again, she has her own life and probably wouldn't wonder at all, right? Am I overreacting? Too sensitive? I'm not sure what to do for the next two weeks.

[SummerTime12]

My T had said his fair share of poorly worded, poorly timed jokes when we were talking about super serious things. Although it’s tough to do, I always mention it to him the next time I see him and tell him how his words affected me. He always apologizes sincerely and explains what his intentions were, while still acknowledging that he made a bad call. I always feel so much better after these discussions, and actually usually end up feeling closer to him than I did before. It also helps me to remind myself of all the times my T has made jokes that DID help during sensitive conversations, and to remember that those were all risks, too.

[LostOne369]

Thanks everyone for your feedback, you've given me a lot to think about and your replies and perspectives helped me calm down a bit. Thank you again!