Rupture repair stories?

Reading this thread reminds me that I did the right thing (for me) when I decided to stop emailing my T. She did allow emails, but her replies were frustratingly brief and something like: "Received. Let's discuss in session."

Despite her non-replies, I continued for a while because I did still get some benefit from the act of sharing via email (which I've since directed towards journaling or writing letters).

I guess I finally just realized that it behooves me bring that stuff to session even if it's harder than emailing. I also had to learn to "sit with it" when (no matter how painful) it wasn't session time. I had to face the fact that there would occasionally be times in life when I was all alone with no one to reach out to. This is the reality of adulthood. It's hard to face this reality but now that I've done it I know I'll survive and the pain will pass. I started using my grounding and self-care strategies more once the emailing was off the table. Of course, it also helps to know I will see T eventually and we can talk about it then. Anyway, I know this probably isn't the advice you want to hear. It was also difficult for me to break the email habit- but now I feel stronger, more empowered, less reactive, and more in control of my own therapy process.

i too started to feel this way when my T suddenly. and without prior discussion with me, decided to end responding to emails. it definilty felt like he was using it as a manipulation, to evoke anger in me, while at the same time, he was also struggling to maintain something he offered as ok to do originally. what ever the official reason was, it clearly was in his benefit and he was the one with all the control in the situation. no matter how much i voiced and shared my feelings and frustration with the situation, there was no equal respect in regard to the decision made. we were at an impasse.

funny to how similar it was to what i use to hear growing up from my parents,...'you live in our house, you abide by our rules. if you don't like them, leave!' . just like my parents, my ex-T seemed to have most of the control in the relationship when it came to decisions like this. not quite sure how therapeutic that dynamic was and still not sure what i was suppose to gain from it in the end

That smart *** T1 shut me down with harsh judgments so many times, to try to manipulate, shame and program me to edit everything I said.. to save the “support”? “Services” ? Money .. and I was never even a “heavy user” of their crumbs of “support” with their short clipped sentences, lack of warmth, inaccurate labels and limited vocabulary.

He did mirror my PUS - they all are Narcissists.

Eta ((( hugs ))) - I agree, it’s not therapeutic to edit what we say... a good therapist like your t will respect all our words and feelings ...especially if we are not a “horrible person” which clearly neither of us are.

This dynamic is very familiar to me, with T1 and my parental units.

I know he won’t shut me down and he would encourage me to talk about how painful it is. I’ve written a jillion thoughts about this in my journal, but it will be tough for me to talk about in person. I still feel hurt, but I have moments where I start to convince myself that maybe I’m just overreacting and should just grow up and get over it. I also have moments where I consider no-showing this week. I have quite intense ambivalence about my therapy sessions and my T has told me that if I ever no-show he would send a brief email saying he noticed my absence. I realize this would be a sneaky way to test whether or not he will respond to me via email. He has said he would email me in that particular circumstance, but has also said he’ll no longer email me. So which is it?

Why will it be tough to talk about in person? Because if you feel hurt, and hurt by him, then it would be tough to show even more vulnerability? Hence, maybe, some of your ambivalence?

Yeah, I think you nailed it. It seems so simple when I think about it, yet so hard to actually do.