[mcl6136]

Yes, I know Halloween is behind us now, but a ghost has reappeared.

My therapist -- who left the city to deal with a family problem -- has reappeared and called me to say it's time to resume therapy. I had not heard from T for a couple of months when our occasional phone sessions had deteriorated badly.

I didn't feel like putting together the pieces back then, and I *really* don't feel like it now. So I called back and said, no, I don't think I'm going to continue.

My question/issues are:

Is it commonplace for a T to interrupt care like this, give no notice of their plans, and then...boo...reappear, with the expectation that their client base would simply be waiting for them, after months? I wasn't in a crisis situation, but if I was, I shudder to think of how I might have fared. I feel this T did a disappearing act, and it really felt confusing and yes, it stung at the time. I had put it behind me, and now THIS.

If you were in my shoes, would you book a "closure session" in which to explore the end of the therapy, even if you had come to the conclusion that your therapeutic relationship was in your rear-view mirror..by virtue of the T falling off the edge of the earth? The "closure session" was offered, and I'm not wild about doing this, but I'd like your thoughts.....

[Rive1976]

I would me pissed and just be like screw you but thats probably not a healthy way to be and just me personally. I guess it depends on if you have anything you feel is unresolved between you two.

[mcl6136]

Originally Posted by Dnester

I would me pissed and just be like screw you but thats probably not a healthy way to be and just me personally. I guess it depends on if you have anything you feel is unresolved between you two.

Trust me, it's not just you, it's me too.

[LonesomeTonight]

Can't answer the first question except to say that would really bother me as well. For the second one: When I left ex-T, the plan was either to just see current T for a couple months, then return to her, or else if I opted to continue with him, then I'd go for a termination session with ex-T. Well, I never went back for a termination session. I kept thinking, "What's the point of going for a termination session now?" I felt I'd be doing it for her, not me, and it seemed dumb to go for that reason.

I talked with current T about termination sessions in general at one point, and he said they're taught about them in grad school, but in his experience, there's rarely an official "termination session" in the sense of spending the session going over your work together and how far the client had come. He said for him, it's usually a client coming in and just saying, maybe near the end, "OK, this will be my last session" or else a client just not coming back. Or if it is a planned termination, the last session is just like a normal therapy session.


So, if you don't see a point in doing it, then I'd just skip it.

[AllHeart]

No it isn’t commonplace and no I wouldn’t waste my time doing a closure session. You don’t owe her anything. Do what you want and need to do.

[here today]

If you're not wild about doing a "closure session", why do it? Maybe you have all the "closure" you need, what with having to deal with her disappearing act, which you obviously did. I don't think that this therapist has demonstrated any kind of good judgment, so. . .go with your own feelings and ideas about this. She left you for months to do just that, so. . .why bother with her. What on earth does she have to offer? If it were me, no I wouldn't bother. Unless to tell her off. But what good for anything would that really do.

[RaineD]

It sounds like you're angry with her. Do you want to explore that anger?

If you just want it to end, just end it.

If I were in your shoes, I might find it interesting to explore the anger.

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

I talked with current T about termination sessions in general at one point, and he said they're taught about them in grad school, but in his experience, there's rarely an official "termination session" in the sense of spending the session going over your work together and how far the client had come. He said for him, it's usually a client coming in and just saying, maybe near the end, "OK, this will be my last session" or else a client just not coming back. Or if it is a planned termination, the last session is just like a normal therapy session.

Does this impact on how you feel about your eventual termination session(s) with him? If my therapist had these experiences of termination, I would feel apprehensive about how she would handle the end of my therapy. It all sounds a bit nebulous and uncaring.

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by SorryNorma

Does this impact on how you feel about your eventual termination session(s) with him? If my therapist had these experiences of termination, I would feel apprehensive about how she would handle the end of my therapy. It all sounds a bit nebulous and uncaring.

Hm, not really. I just got the sense he was talking about the idealized "here's how therapy should end" vs. the reality. I don't think he'd be unwilling to have an actual termination session with me. Plus I think he was more trying to help me with feeling guilty for not having one with ex-T, thinking it's what she would have wanted and what I'm "supposed" to do, having seen her for 6 years.

And I also had been talking about how, before the rupture with ex-MC that ultimately ended things, I'd had this image of what our ideal last session with him (ex-MC) would have been like, just going over where we were and how far we'd come. When instead it was basically a regular session (a few months after the rupture), then in the last 5 minutes I was like, "I think we need to terminate now." And then that was it. (Aside from a few email exchanges after.)

So in my experience so far, no termination sessions either...

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

Hm, not really. I just got the sense he was talking about the idealized "here's how therapy should end" vs. the reality. I don't think he'd be unwilling to have an actual termination session with me. Plus I think he was more trying to help me with feeling guilty for not having one with ex-T, thinking it's what she would have wanted and what I'm "supposed" to do, having seen her for 6 years.

And I also had been talking about how, before the rupture with ex-MC that ultimately ended things, I'd had this image of what our ideal last session with him (ex-MC) would have been like, just going over where we were and how far we'd come. When instead it was basically a regular session (a few months after the rupture), then in the last 5 minutes I was like, "I think we need to terminate now." And then that was it. (Aside from a few email exchanges after.)

So in my experience so far, no termination sessions either...

This is really interesting to me. You have had significant and intense therapeutic experiences and yet no termination sessions. This seems to fit with your therapist's approach to termination which sounds a bit hands-off. It makes me think that something is being side-stepped.


It's interesting to me because my therapist is always very keen to re-iterate that we will work towards termination through a careful and considered process (over weeks). I prefer to think about cutting to the end suddenly and being able to package it (her) away; she seems upset by this.


Anyway, thank you for describing your experience, it makes me wonder about the pushes and pulls which are happening.

[mcl6136]

Originally Posted by RaineD

It sounds like you're angry with her. Do you want to explore that anger?

If you just want it to end, just end it.

If I were in your shoes, I might find it interesting to explore the anger.

I *am* angry with this therapist when I think about it, but I am also even more relieved to be out of the process of therapy with her. I feel lighter, less burdened by the mind f***k ....And in terms of exploring the anger, most revolves around her inability or unwillingness to give me (and maybe other clients; I don't know) any kind of clarity about when she might/whether she would return to the city. Just ghosting and then reappearing.

I feel it is not too much to ask. I mean...based on my own experience with jobs when my father passed away -- I was able to take a few days off for bereavement, but there was always an expectation that I would give clear signals about when I would return to work, given that people were relying on me and it was the professional thing to do. Heck, I've even had hair stylists who had to leave town for extended periods, and they gave me clear signals. And when she DID call me and say that she was back in the city and seeing clients, it was...."well, I don't know what shape the therapy with me will take, or what my schedule might be...I don't know if I can guarantee anything." I'm ....huh?

There! I've explored my anger! haha. I am angry but the anger is wearing off and as it clears, I'm feeling relieved to be free of someone who just seems to FLAKE. Life is just too short.

[mcl6136]

Originally Posted by here today

If you're not wild about doing a "closure session", why do it? Maybe you have all the "closure" you need, what with having to deal with her disappearing act, which you obviously did. I don't think that this therapist has demonstrated any kind of good judgment, so. . .go with your own feelings and ideas about this. She left you for months to do just that, so. . .why bother with her. What on earth does she have to offer? If it were me, no I wouldn't bother. Unless to tell her off. But what good for anything would that really do.

this post kind of sums it up...welp!

[stopdog]

I would see absolutely no point in "exploring anger" with a therapist with whom I was angry. The therapist ****ed up, ****ed around, and messed with me. That makes me angry and I believe those are completely natural things to become angry at. And I don't believe it is based on some whacko thing in the past or unconscious anything. I wouldn't pay a therapist to explore why I was angry at them for things they had objectively done. I know why I am angry at a therapist.

[mcl6136]

Originally Posted by stopdog

I would see absolutely no point in "exploring anger" with a therapist with whom I was angry. The therapist ****ed up, ****ed around, and messed with me. That makes me angry and I believe those are completely natural things to become angry at. And I don't believe it is based on some whacko thing in the past or unconscious anything. I wouldn't pay a therapist to explore why I was angry at them for things they had objectively done. I know why I am angry at a therapist.

Yeah, in this particular case, I think the T just wants to keep the gravy train rolling along. I did not feel this was the case but you cannot have it both ways -- blow someone off and continue to feed at the trough.

[SlumberKitty]

I had a closure session with T3 and found the whole thing to be a waste of time and energy. Besides I was so stressed out about the closure session that I almost ended up at the ER with SI. I did have a closure session with former T on the phone (not T3, T2) and it was super hard and I cried the whole time but I am glad I got to say goodbye. I guess it depends on the therapy and the therapist but if I hadn't seen my therapist in a while, I don't know that I would see the point in having a closure session. Just my 2 cents. Kit.

[mcl6136]

Originally Posted by SlumberKitty

I had a closure session with T3 and found the whole thing to be a waste of time and energy. Besides I was so stressed out about the closure session that I almost ended up at the ER with SI. I did have a closure session with former T on the phone (not T3, T2) and it was super hard and I cried the whole time but I am glad I got to say goodbye. I guess it depends on the therapy and the therapist but if I hadn't seen my therapist in a while, I don't know that I would see the point in having a closure session. Just my 2 cents. Kit.

Thank you for this! In a way, I feel like the time period when a closure session would have been helpful would have been in September. Enough time has passed that I feel like there's so little point..I kind of wish she hadn't even made contact at this stage. Sigh!

[LostOnTheTrail]

Not commonplace, but I experienced something similar a few months ago. My counsellor cancelled two sessions in a row, and then I had a message from a colleague saying that she couldn't make our appointment on Thursday (It was news to me that we had even scheduled one in absentia...) but 'would be in touch' to set up another meeting.


I thought that meant imminently, but it was a couple of months before I heard from her again. It became apparent that there was a very good reason for her absence, which I would understand...but if somebody had explained it to me earlier, it would have been easier on me.


Personally, I would want to tie things up, in lieu of tying the T up...but that's entirely up to you.

[mcl6136]

Originally Posted by LostOnTheTrail

Not commonplace, but I experienced something similar a few months ago. My counsellor cancelled two sessions in a row, and then I had a message from a colleague saying that she couldn't make our appointment on Thursday (It was news to me that we had even scheduled one in absentia...) but 'would be in touch' to set up another meeting.


I thought that meant imminently, but it was a couple of months before I heard from her again. It became apparent that there was a very good reason for her absence, which I would understand...but if somebody had explained it to me earlier, it would have been easier on me.


Personally, I would want to tie things up, in lieu of tying the T up...but that's entirely up to you.

What did you do in that circumstance once she resurfaced?

[LostOnTheTrail]

We resumed our work, but it remains somewhat difficult to feel fully comfortable with her.

[SalingerEsme]

Originally Posted by mcl6136

Yes, I know Halloween is behind us now, but a ghost has reappeared.

My therapist -- who left the city to deal with a family problem -- has reappeared and called me to say it's time to resume therapy. I had not heard from T for a couple of months when our occasional phone sessions had deteriorated badly.

I didn't feel like putting together the pieces back then, and I *really* don't feel like it now. So I called back and said, no, I don't think I'm going to continue.

My question/issues are:

Is it commonplace for a T to interrupt care like this, give no notice of their plans, and then...boo...reappear, with the expectation that their client base would simply be waiting for them, after months? I wasn't in a crisis situation, but if I was, I shudder to think of how I might have fared. I feel this T did a disappearing act, and it really felt confusing and yes, it stung at the time. I had put it behind me, and now THIS.

If you were in my shoes, would you book a "closure session" in which to explore the end of the therapy, even if you had come to the conclusion that your therapeutic relationship was in your rear-view mirror..by virtue of the T falling off the edge of the earth? The "closure session" was offered, and I'm not wild about doing this, but I'd like your thoughts.....

I think you were treated in a way that is contrary to making progress in therapy- to trust, to form a strong alliance, the ceremony of the sessions . . . all neglected by your T. She is treating you like an "object" rather than genuinely seeing what you need from her. You could put this between you and process it, or walk away ( cue Ben Harper song ). I have sort of lost trust in your T for you by following her choices.

[Rive.]

I don't know if it's commonplace but it smacks of client abandonment. In my book, his behaviour speaks volumes: you can't trust him or count on him to be there. He didn't give any warning but just disappeared on me? This is not acceptable. I would not be able to work with him.

As for your second question, I would feel no inclination to book a 'closure session'. It's 'too little too late' - he left with no explanation and left me hanging. I think that speaks for itself. I would not be interested in his justifications or whatnot.

I'd even go as far as to say that it's a little presumptuous of him to expect his client-base to come running after him under the circumstances..

[scorpiosis37]

My T disappeared for a few months when we were in therapy. Then she returned saying she was 100% back. I returned. Then a few months later she lost her license. You can read in my thread how that turned out. If your T disappeared without explaining why up front, I would take that as a red flag that he could do it again at any time and is more concerned about himself than his clients. I would not personally do a termination session. I would let sleeping dogs lie.

[mcl6136]

Originally Posted by Rive.

I don't know if it's commonplace but it smacks of client abandonment. In my book, his behaviour speaks volumes: you can't trust him or count on him to be there. He didn't give any warning but just disappeared on me? This is not acceptable. I would not be able to work with him.

As for your second question, I would feel no inclination to book a 'closure session'. It's 'too little too late' - he left with no explanation and left me hanging. I think that speaks for itself. I would not be interested in his justifications or whatnot.

I'd even go as far as to say that it's a little presumptuous of him to expect his client-base to come running after him under the circumstances..

THANK YOU!!! Presumptuous is the word that I was looking for.....all along!

[mcl6136]

Originally Posted by scorpiosis37

My T disappeared for a few months when we were in therapy. Then she returned saying she was 100% back. I returned. Then a few months later she lost her license. You can read in my thread how that turned out. If your T disappeared without explaining why up front, I would take that as a red flag that he could do it again at any time and is more concerned about himself than his clients. I would not personally do a termination session. I would let sleeping dogs lie.

HA!!! These two posts are really hitting the mark with me. I am going to let SLEEPING DOGS LIE!