[nottrustin]

It has gotten to the point where I have accepted T has passed and she it is okay to move on. I miss her dearly bit better able to function. Then something will happen to remind me of T and then it all good down hill emotionally and I cant believe she is really gone.

Today my daughter college yearbook arrived. It made me think of T because she attended the same college. I know she would have loved to see her. Also today were discussing communication and how a person may hear what somebody else and misinterpret the meaning. T and I discussed this a lot because I tend to have one meaning for a word even though it has many meanings.

Then there is a patient on my program with the same pdoc as me. She started our program because pdoc us out on medical leave. She didn't feel like she had any support and was struggling.

Which brought up my fear of losing pdoc...between the two I feel like my safety met is being wriped to shreds. Leaving me feeling like I am once again on my own.

[DP_2017]

Grief is tough. When i went through grief last year, my T reminded me that there are no rules in grief and there is no timeline. So I pass that to you as well. It's ok to still have these struggles. I feel for you so much. Your story caused me to bring up my fears around this with my T. It was a good thing for me to express.

I'm sorry that you have all these reminders. I wont compare my grief to yours, but my loss was over a year ago and I am still struggling, there are many things I can't do still and many triggers that set me into depression or tears. Hang in there the best you can.

[nottrustin]

Originally Posted by DP_2017

Grief is tough. When i went through grief last year, my T reminded me that there are no rules in grief and there is no timeline. So I pass that to you as well. It's ok to still have these struggles. I feel for you so much. Your story caused me to bring up my fears around this with my T. It was a good thing for me to express.

I'm sorry that you have all these reminders. I wont compare my grief to yours, but my loss was over a year ago and I am still struggling, there are many things I can't do still and many triggers that set me into depression or tears. Hang in there the best you can.

Thank you DP... it sucks. It triggers my abandonment issues. However. Then I remember the grief work we accomplished. She always reminded me that it was better to have loved and had a relationship with a person even with the pain of loss than to never had the relationship.

That is how I feel about her. I just wish it didn't hurt so friggin much.

[RaineD]

It is really hard. When the pain is bad, I wonder how I'm supposed to live the rest of my life this way. When I feel better, even for five minutes, I'm terrified that if the pain lessens I would lose him forever. Sometimes it feels like the pain is all I have left of him, and I have to hold on to it, lest I lose him forever.

[DP_2017]

Originally Posted by RaineD

It is really hard. When the pain is bad, I wonder how I'm supposed to live the rest of my life this way. When I feel better, even for five minutes, I'm terrified that if the pain lessens I would lose him forever. Sometimes it feels like the pain is all I have left of him, and I have to hold on to it, lest I lose him forever.

That's right, you are going through this too Your posts have been really heartbreaking to read. I've gotten a lot of anxiety about losing my T again since this but I haven't brought it up again.

I'm so sorry both of you had to go through these loses. I can't even imagine. Hugs to both of you

[coolibrarian]

Originally Posted by DP_2017

That's right, you are going through this too Your posts have been really heartbreaking to read. I've gotten a lot of anxiety about losing my T again since this but I haven't brought it up again.

I'm so sorry both of you had to go through these loses. I can't even imagine. Hugs to both of you

I teared up just reading this.

[RaineD]

Thanks. Losing him is definitely the hardest thing I've ever experienced in my whole life. Although it wasn't an acute/traumatic loss (since I had known it was going to happen for months before it actually did), it was definitely the most long-term painful...

[nottrustin]

Originally Posted by RaineD

It is really hard. When the pain is bad, I wonder how I'm supposed to live the rest of my life this way. When I feel better, even for five minutes, I'm terrified that if the pain lessens I would lose him forever. Sometimes it feels like the pain is all I have left of him, and I have to hold on to it, lest I lose him forever.

YES!!!! This...on the days where I am able to function without the sadness I feel like I am not honoring her and forgetting about her ... I have struggled with the same issues since mom passed away.

[DP_2017]

Originally Posted by RaineD

Thanks. Losing him is definitely the hardest thing I've ever experienced in my whole life. Although it wasn't an acute/traumatic loss (since I had known it was going to happen for months before it actually did), it was definitely the most long-term painful...

I'm so sorry to make this comparison but it's all I really have to go with, but my loss was my dog. While people may think it's silly or ridiculous, that dog saved me from taking my life, he helped me find a purpose. He was literally my world. I knew he was sick for months, god bless my T for his amazing support doing all that because I would have probably tried to take my own life when he passed without my T there for me. So I can relate in the sense of in my case, it was def the hardest too, even though I also knew it was coming.... but my T means more to me than any human ever has, so if I was in your place... I think I'd be incredibly lost.

I hope I didn't offend you with my comparison in this post. I realize everyone is different with grief and their journey. It's hard, it's exhausting, it's frustrating, it's heartbreaking. I hope in time you are both able to heal from this awful pain and loss. Keep their memories in your hearts forever!

[RaineD]

No, I totally understand. People can have very strong bonds with their pets and grieve the loss of their pets just as much as they would any person. My T was also a dog lover. He had four dogs during his adult life, and three of them died before he did. One of the first lessons he taught me about sadness and grief, he used losing a dog as an example.

[nottrustin]

Originally Posted by DP_2017

I'm so sorry to make this comparison but it's all I really have to go with, but my loss was my dog. While people may think it's silly or ridiculous, that dog saved me from taking my life, he helped me find a purpose. He was literally my world. I knew he was sick for months, god bless my T for his amazing support doing all that because I would have probably tried to take my own life when he passed without my T there for me. So I can relate in the sense of in my case, it was def the hardest too, even though I also knew it was coming.... but my T means more to me than any human ever has, so if I was in your place... I think I'd be incredibly lost.

I hope I didn't offend you with my comparison in this post. I realize everyone is different with grief and their journey. It's hard, it's exhausting, it's frustrating, it's heartbreaking. I hope in time you are both able to heal from this awful pain and loss. Keep their memories in your hearts forever!

I get it. We all grieve different1ly and for many their dogs are their family. I am sure most people do nt understand the extent of my grief over her death. She played a maternal role in my life. Losing her was almost as bad as losing my mother. My mom had cancer and was really sick when she passed so we knew it was coming. T was so completely unexpected.

[mcl6136]

Originally Posted by DP_2017

I'm so sorry to make this comparison but it's all I really have to go with, but my loss was my dog. While people may think it's silly or ridiculous, that dog saved me from taking my life, he helped me find a purpose. He was literally my world. I knew he was sick for months, god bless my T for his amazing support doing all that because I would have probably tried to take my own life when he passed without my T there for me. So I can relate in the sense of in my case, it was def the hardest too, even though I also knew it was coming.... but my T means more to me than any human ever has, so if I was in your place... I think I'd be incredibly lost.

I hope I didn't offend you with my comparison in this post. I realize everyone is different with grief and their journey. It's hard, it's exhausting, it's frustrating, it's heartbreaking. I hope in time you are both able to heal from this awful pain and loss. Keep their memories in your hearts forever!

Losing a pet is a stinging loss. It's compounded by the fact that in some measure, society does not acknowledge the depth of the relationship to begin with, so the loss feels like it is not as supported as the loss of a child, a mate or a sibling. But it can be a crushing loss.

I heard a term for this and it is DISENFRANCHIZED GRIEF. That made a lot of sense to me. I think that this includes miscarriages, loss of pets, loss of (in some backwards areas) same sex marriages -- all kinds of bonds that the dominant culture doesn't value or in some cases never even notices.

The loss of a therapeutic bond can be devastating as well. I have some measure of grief over the loss of the relationship with the T who ghosted me, and that r/s was kind of a ball of crap in the end, so I can ONLY IMAGINE what some of you are grappling with on this board.

My goes out....