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#51
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I hope, your T will work extensively on this with you in your next session. You absolutely have to bring up the memory from your childhood as well next time you see her. |
#52
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I didnt take it as T thought it was a big deal. She would have went on about it more if she did. Like talking to me over email about boundaries etc because she knows I see him nearly everyday weekend. I spend friday night through monday morning with him.
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#53
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To me when someone says that something is inappropriate and asks me how I am managing it means that it's a big deal. Look, I am not going to argue with you over it any longer. You are clearly invested in seeing this as not a big deal and, if that's what you want, that's how you will continue to see it no matter what anyone says. Any further questions or details from you make no sense because you clearly will not accept any opinions that are different from how you want to see it. Good luck in whatever you want to do. |
![]() growlycat
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#54
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Dnester, it's your right to see it any way you want. But if your father's behavior bothers you, and it sounds like it does, your feelings are not wrong or unjustified, they are important and maybe they are telling you something.
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![]() growlycat, kecanoe, LonesomeTonight, Rive1976
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#55
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I guess I would rather stuff inside than make it more awkward.
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![]() kecanoe, LonesomeTonight
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#56
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Your father is the one making things awkward here, not you. If you tell him to cut it out, and he does, that will make things less awkward, not more.
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![]() growlycat, kecanoe, LonesomeTonight
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#57
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No one expects you to change your beliefs overnight but maybe start to consider the strong possibility that you were abused as a kid and continue to be abused.
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![]() kecanoe
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#58
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Rather than the possibility of you lying about it what I wonder more is this: That maybe your parent/s (certainly your father and maybe your mother too) have been covertly sexually abusive towards you. Covert sexual abuse is where instead of obvious acts of abuse a person repeatedly invades personal boundaries and makes sexually inappropriate comments or gestures so that you have a very clear sense of something being "wrong" but have no clear memories of acts you can absolutely say "that was abuse". That kind of scenario could well lead to the symptoms you are experiencing. A lifetime of that kind of inappropriateness where you know something isn't right but are so confused about what exactly is wrong can really, really screw with your mind. |
![]() growlycat, kecanoe, LonesomeTonight, Rive1976
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#59
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Bad news ... coming from a Father ... bad news.
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#60
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Going to my dads today. Wish me luck I can speak up if it happens again.
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![]() LonesomeTonight, Salmon77
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#61
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I wish you luck and I think you can do it. You can just say it calmly and firmly.
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![]() Rive1976
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#62
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I am also going to look through his phone. My mom said I need to see if he took any other pictures I am not aware of and delete them.
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![]() kecanoe
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#63
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Wishing you strength today. Remember that this situation will likely get worse unless you address it. Honesty improves relationships, it doesn't hurt them. You can do this.
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![]() Rive1976
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#64
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I wonder if I need to forward the pic if I find it to my phone in case I never need prove of anything before I delete it?
Last edited by Rive1976; Dec 07, 2018 at 10:20 AM. |
#65
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Might be a good idea. Be careful going through his phone though so that he doesn't catch you... |
![]() Rive1976
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#66
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I will, thanks
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![]() growlycat
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#67
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Well, its not on there anymore so thats good news.
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![]() growlycat
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![]() LonesomeTonight
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#68
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Well I think my mom told my sister because today we were at my dads side Christmas party and looked over and my dad was video taping me. My sister said dad what are you doing!? Here take a pic of all of us. So I know she knows but hasnt mentioned it. She was trying to make the situation less uncomfortable. She must of saw the look on my face.
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![]() here today, LonesomeTonight
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![]() here today
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#69
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Just out of curiosity, are you financially dependent on anyone from your family? I am asking because if you are, this complicates things further.
Also, I think, you've mentioned in some of the other threads that you are married. If that's correct, I wonder if your husband knows about what your father does to you, and, if he does know, what has been his reaction to this? You don't have to answer if you don't want to. It just seems to me like the entire family is complicit in what's going on, like no one wants to rock the boat and there is one big cover up. |
![]() growlycat
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#70
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I am divorced. I live in a group home of 90 people. Its very hectic. I come to my dads friday through monday to get away. I have no peace. I work the front desk there to get money and I also have various other jobs there. So people are always coming to me for things. Staff and residents. Plus aside from the things he does he is my emotional support. I have been at this place for over two years and my mother and sister have only come to see me four times. I do see them outside this place but mainly only holidays. When I get upset about them I talk to my dad. My therapist and mother have both text me again over this. They are concerned. So far nothing has happened today other than what I mentioned that my sister saw but I really havent been with him alone. He went with my sister to a 5k and I opted not to go because I smoke. So he has been gone for four hours.
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![]() kecanoe, LonesomeTonight
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#71
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Sorry, if it seems intrusive, but who is paying for your therapy? I am guessing that if you are in the group home then you have some sort of disability, so maybe Medicaid covers it.. I am just thinking that if you had a job and your own place, it'd make things a little easier for you, but I don't know if it's possible.. |
![]() growlycat
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#72
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I am on Medicaid and I have a mental health grant to live where I am. I cant live off the little bit I get from ssdi and I get paid under the table and its not much. I told one perdon there and they just said d***
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![]() kecanoe
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