[Rive1976]

Recently I was at my fathers on my phone not paying attention. My dad comes up to me and says I took a picture of you with your legs open and shows me. I had pants on and not paying much attention to the way I was sitting. I just felt uncomfortable and didnt say anything. He also started this new thing when I sit next to him. He has only done it twice but he puts his hand up my pants leg and starts rubbing my leg. He used to only do it in the car. Is this even worth mentioning?

[SlumberKitty]

Yes, it's worth mentioning. That is very uncomfortable and inappropriate of your father. I'm sorry that happened to you. Kit.

[InnerPeace111]

Yes, it is. Without a doubt.

[imnotbroken]

Definitely. His behavior, to me, is not appropriate at all.

[ArtleyWilkins]

Remember, you are an adult now. In no uncertain terms, stay away from him. Break off contact with him. Yes, tell your therapist and expect that she will probably report if he has any possibility of contact with children.

[justbreathe1994]

Wow, yes that is very inappropriate. I am sorry you are experiencing this kind of behavior from your father. How does it make you feel?

[downandlonely]

I would definitely mention it. That would creep me out. If your father is making you uncomfortable, would it be possible to stay away from him? It sounds like he doesn't respect your boundaries.

[Rive1976]

Originally Posted by justbreathe1994

Wow, yes that is very inappropriate. I am sorry you are experiencing this kind of behavior from your father. How does it make you feel?

Uncomfortable but I always think I am over reacting.

[Rive1976]

Originally Posted by ArtleyWilkins

Remember, you are an adult now. In no uncertain terms, stay away from him. Break off contact with him. Yes, tell your therapist and expect that she will probably report if he has any possibility of contact with children.

Why would children matter I am an adult? I didnt mean they dont matter. You know what I mean.

[growlycat]

If your dad has any contact with children like cousins nieces nephews etc his behavior seems like the mark of a pedophile and he could be hurting them. You are his daughter even though you are an adult his is showing predatory behavior. Please tell your t and report him if he has access to kids

[JaneTennison1]

As soon as someone asks this question my answer is yes, before I even read it, usually yes.

Also this is not for us to process, as in it doesn't matter what we are saying or not, please process with T

[Ididitmyway]

Yes. It is disgusting. It's beyond "inappropriate". When it comes from a father, it's sexual abuse even if you are an adult, makes no difference. With this kind of behavior, I'd also wonder about how he behaved toward you when you were a child. If he had behaved the same way (which would not be surprising to me at all) it's a crime.

I can't tell you what to do, but if I were you, I'd do everything I could to break off all contact and to live on my own. I know it's easier said than done, but I'd make it my goal. At this point, I'd definitely tell him to cut it out and would threaten to report him to the police if he doesn't.

Generally speaking, it's extremely important to discuss those things with a therapist, but, to be honest, your therapist doesn't strike me as someone I'd trust. But if your question is if it is worth reporting, the answer is a big yes, absolutely.

In fact, as others have mentioned, it may be a good idea to report him immediately if he has access to children. I'd consider him dangerous to be around kids. Therapists are not the only ones who can report. Anyone can do that.

[Rive1976]

I dont know maybe I am in denial. He acts like that but yet when I go to hug him sometimes he acts strange like Im going to touch him or something. When I am angry with him he doesnt do that stuff. Its only when we are in a good place.

[growlycat]

Normal looks different when that’s all you’ve ever known. Just as an outsider, it raises alarm bells for me. I hope you can discuss with t.

[Rive1976]

Originally Posted by growlycat

Normal looks different when that’s all you’ve ever known. Just as an outsider, it raises alarm bells for me. I hope you can discuss with t.

Well I sent her an email a minute ago. I really wanted to tell her this stuff in session today but couldnt get it out. I had a memory several nights ago that when I was around 8 or 9 I played with my dads nipples. Why I dont know and I feel ashamed and like my T will just think I am the stupidest for mentioning it. Idk maybe I am.

Given how interested you are in exploring things related to your sexuality, this is definitely something to keep in mind and discuss in therapy that addresses the topic. Like others, I am also not sure I would trust the perceptions of a T like yours (based on your posts) but if you choose to work with her... As far as reporting your father (that was suggested here), I am not sure it would be valid based on what you described in the OP, especially assuming that he might behave similarly with children. You are not a child and don't have any memory of his inappropriate behavior in your childhood. I would definitely not allow the behavior and comments you describe though. I understand (from previous posts) that you can have ambivalent urges as well, but allowing something like that would probably just feed them or make you even more confused.

[Rive1976]

Originally Posted by Xynesthesia

Given how interested you are in exploring things related to your sexuality, this is definitely something to keep in mind and discuss in therapy that addresses the topic. Like others, I am also not sure I would trust the perceptions of a T like yours (based on your posts) but if you choose to work with her... As far as reporting your father (that was suggested here), I am not sure it would be valid based on what you described in the OP, especially assuming that he might behave similarly with children. You are not a child and don't have any memory of his inappropriate behavior in your childhood. I would definitely not allow the behavior and comments you describe though. I understand (from previous posts) that you can have ambivalent urges as well, but allowing something like that would probably just feed them or make you even more confused.

I dont think it would be either. I mean where I am if I did report it he could go on the sex offender registry but he hasnt done anything to outrageous. They would probably be like youre stupid as well.

[Ididitmyway]

Originally Posted by Dnester

Well I sent her an email a minute ago. I really wanted to tell her this stuff in session today but couldnt get it out. I had a memory several nights ago that when I was around 8 or 9 I played with my dads nipples. Why I dont know and I feel ashamed and like my T will just think I am the stupidest for mentioning it. Idk maybe I am.

Now, my alarm goes nuclear.

If the memory reflects the real event, then you were sexually abused as a child. I would absolutely talk about it with your T, AND I would withdraw my consent for her to talk to my mother. You are an adult now and your therapy should be your sacred, well protected personal space. In your situation especially no one should be allowed there. Again, if the memory reflects the real abuse, then it means you have never been allowed to have your own protected personal space (and it certainly looks like it from what you've described in other threads), so it is time to claim one and to defend it.

I'd tell the T about the memory and about your father's current behavior and I would pay great attention to her reaction. A therapist with any basic level of ethics and wisdom in this situation would stop all communications with your mother and would work with you on helping you separate from the harmful family dynamics you are in right now. That'd be my litmus test for whether I should continue to see the T. Also, a T in this situation should assess if your father has access to children, and, if he does, the T should report his behavior to the appropriate authorities immediately. This is another test to see if your T is appropriate for you to continue to work with.

I am not telling you what to do. You obviously can and will make your own choice, but I am not going to pretend that I don't have a strong opinion about cases like yours. I certainly do and I never hide it. In cases like that, a strong opinion indicates a moral stand. There is no "gray area" for me here. This, to me, is as black and white as it can get.

[growlycat]

This is all really important content to talk about. You were just a child and you did nothing wrong. Shame is such a hard emotion to work through. I’ll take sadness and anger any day over shame.

[Salmon77]

In general, anything that happens to be bothering you is worth talking over with your T, even if it seems like it might not be a big deal.

Your father's behavior sounds very strange. If you don't want him to continue it, you will need to find a way to tell him to stop. Your T might be able to help you learn to assert yourself if you want.

[kecanoe]

I don't have anything to add, really.


But yes, that behavior would make me very uncomfortable. Very uncomfortable.


Definitely worth talking about to someone you trust.

[Rive1976]

Originally Posted by Ididitmyway

Now, my alarm goes nuclear.

If the memory reflects the real event, then you were sexually abused as a child. I would absolutely talk about it with your T, AND I would withdraw my consent for her to talk to my mother. You are an adult now and your therapy should be your sacred, well protected personal space. In your situation especially no one should be allowed there. Again, if the memory reflects the real abuse, then it means you have never been allowed to have your own protected personal space (and it certainly looks like it from what you've described in other threads), so it is time to claim one and to defend it.

I'd tell the T about the memory and about your father's current behavior and I would pay great attention to her reaction. A therapist with any basic level of ethics and wisdom in this situation would stop all communications with your mother and would work with you on helping you separate from the harmful family dynamics you are in right now. That'd be my litmus test for whether I should continue to see the T. Also, a T in this situation should assess if your father has access to children, and, if he does, the T should report his behavior to the appropriate authorities immediately. This is another test to see if your T is appropriate for you to continue to work with.

I am not telling you what to do. You obviously can and will make your own choice, but I am not going to pretend that I don't have a strong opinion about cases like yours. I certainly do and I never hide it. In cases like that, a strong opinion indicates a moral stand. There is no "gray area" for me here. This, to me, is as black and white as it can get.

I dont understand how I was sexually abused when I am the one that did it. He probably told me to stop idk but he wasnt overly concerned about it. Still no word from T. She usually emails me around 11:30 at night.

[Rive1976]

Originally Posted by Salmon77

In general, anything that happens to be bothering you is worth talking over with your T, even if it seems like it might not be a big deal.

Your father's behavior sounds very strange. If you don't want him to continue it, you will need to find a way to tell him to stop. Your T might be able to help you learn to assert yourself if you want.

Yeah I want it to stop but I dont want to lose him. That might sound bad to you guys but he is really all I have. My mom, brother and sister dont hardly speak to me. Basically if I go 4 days without texting them they will make sure I havent committed s**cide but thats about it.

[velcro003]

Originally Posted by Dnester

I dont understand how I was sexually abused when I am the one that did it. He probably told me to stop idk but he wasnt overly concerned about it. Still no word from T. She usually emails me around 11:30 at night.

you were a child. it was abuse.

[kecanoe]

Originally Posted by Dnester

I dont understand how I was sexually abused when I am the one that did it. He probably told me to stop idk but he wasnt overly concerned about it. Still no word from T. She usually emails me around 11:30 at night.

IMO and experience, an adult in that situation would simply stop the child, move away, distract them. It's not horrible or unusual for a child to touch someone in a private area, but the healthy response is to deflect that sort of thing. We teach our kids not to pick their noses, right? Kids don't know, loving adults teach.