Gifts for T? What do you all think?

OT You know what I think? Just like the whole relationship category for a therapist/psychologist is different than any other relationship we can know, I think the term "love" falls into the same category. Yes, I do believe that therapists can "love" their patients...but that love they have is different than any other kind of love we can experience.

Dustin, if what you really want from your T is a hug, etc. why not give your T a "coupon" (homemade) for a free hug?

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_Sky said:
OT You know what I think? Just like the whole relationship category for a therapist/psychologist is different than any other relationship we can know, I think the term "love" falls into the same category. Yes, I do believe that therapists can "love" their patients...but that love they have is different than any other kind of love we can experience.

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actually my former t often told me she loved me in emails and once in person. that is not something i take lightly and can't return. in fact, hearing it in person brought out a really angry alter who then cut that night.
=(

On the subject of buying a gift for your therapist, I have been racking my brains out for weeks! I like her alot, she's about the same age as me, and I could see us being friends outside of therapy if we could. I want to get her something nice, but not pricey. She's religious, so I thought a nice ornament might be OK. I did, however, buy her a bread tray that says "Give us this day our daily bread". I thought I might add a nice loaf of fresh bread from a bakery to it. The reason behind this, is that she and I both love bread. And she once mentioned that she had thought of me while eating bread. Is that a stupid gift? I was ready to return it today, but my husband says I'm putting too much thought into it, and just give it to her. I just want her to like it.
Someone please tell me if it's too silly of a gift.
Any other suggestions?

I think it sounds perfect. REALLY! Perfect!!!! It's not too personal or pricey, yet you know it's something she likes and she has told you that she associated it with you.

YUP......Perfect

tulips

I've been following this thread since it began. The first time I saw it I thought.. Damn, it never occurred to me get her a Christmas gift. My interaction with my therapist had been all business and I was not interested in any type of emotional attachment. In fact, I really didn't understand what a lot of you were talking about in other posts related to attachment. However this past month for some reason my defensiveness and anxiety about therapy has started to subside and I'm starting to see how skilled and how much she really seems to "get" what's going on with me--even though I don't really get what's going on with me. With this realization has come a genuine desire to show my gratitude for the profound impact therapy is having on my sense of self and my relationship with my children. I don't know if what I'm experiencing is just some transference thing or if it is a real sense of affection and appreciation for her as a person. Other than my kids its been a long time since I even considered showing affection towards someone--so I am still a bit stunned by it , but also don't want to look like an *****. As of last week I was just considering a card with a simple statement of thanks, but now I'm thinking its not enough. I really don't know much about what she likes and dislikes and don't want to minimize my appreciation with a simple gift card or meaningless gift. This decision was so much easier when I didn't really care very much and was just going through the motions. Do you think a card with short letter thanking her for helping me and my kids is enough?

mckell, a card is wonderful! Remember, you're progressing, so where you didn't even think before, now you do, and that's great! So, with that in mind, a card is all that is "necessary" and will do wonders for the T. (((hugs))))

Hello All,
For those of you still struggling with what to give or if to give, I just wanted to pass along at positive experience.

I wanted to let my T know that I appreciated her help over the past few month. I didn't know if she would accept a gift or not and like most of you didn't want to be rejected or feel foolish giving her something.

Yesterday I gave her simply a card with a heartfelt letter saying thank you. I simply gave it to her along with my co-pay. She accepted it. I felt good about it afterward so I think simply a card was a good option for me.

Just wanted to pass along a positive outcome.

I just gave T a birthday card last week so I think I'll pass this time. It was funny and musical one and he liked it.

It's not that I don't want to give him anything because believe me, I do, it is just that I don't know how he'll take it because this is going to be a hard session for me tonight and I don't want him to think that I am trying to influence him or anything.

My gift for T was my lovely presence in session.

Pink, you crack me up! Were you erotic too?

Hey McKell,

I think you are way ahead of the game. Last year at this time I did not even CONSIDER giving T a gift. I had been seeing him for 3 months. This year.....today...i don't know. Maybe some cookies.

Peace.

Sister,
Yeah, this surprised me too. When I first saw this thread I was like, "A gift, why would I do that?" Then something changed in the last few weeks. I felt a subtle need to show my appreciation so I figured what the heck, act on it. It probably doesn't mean much to her, but to me it was a start.

Last night we had our last session before the holidays and I didn't bring him a gift. Didn't really ever consider it. (He doesn't celebrate Christmas, for one thing.)

But this morning, I did want to share something with him, a pic of my youngest daughter (who has had a lot of trouble with the family split and is frequent topic of conversation in therapy) and the inside of our house, which she decorated for Christmas, putting up all of our outdoor Christmas lights on the inside of our house, over chairs and couches, wound around lamps and bannisters. It looks crazy here, but festive!

So I emailed him the pic with a little holiday message. That was my "gift." He wrote back right away. He loved it! And sent me a holiday message too. Made my heart grow in my chest, 10 sizes, like the Grinch. Womp, womp, womp.

I sort of want to give him a card, but not really. It won't be a Christmas card, but more like an after Christmas card because our session is the day after Christmas.

I don't like cards because they say stuff. I want him to know what I have to say; not what the cards says.

Maybe I will give him a card that is blank inside. I will write in it.

I want to tell him thank you. I want to tell him thank you for not letting me put my sleeve down. For making me feel beautiful and accepted as a whole.

No way. I can't do it.

If I did, I would just hand it to him and run the hell out of the room.

I got mine something humorous...I thought it would be a nice way to say thank you but avoid any awkwardness. She seemed very excited that I had made the effort and had the thought, so that made me feel good. I had no idea what the protocol was...

I have been fighting anxiety BIG TIME and ordered a stone with the word "breathe" on it to keep in my pocket. Just a reminder to make myself breathe deep & steady.

My t and I have spent many months working on trust (my lack of) issues due to a very serious break in trust from my last t. I ordered him a stone with the word "trust" engraved on it. It is in a little, silver draw-string bag. I just wanted to give him something that was sincere and related to our work. I also added a small candycane

tulips

awww tulips, that's wonderful. That is a perfect gift.

today i gave mine the DVD of movie we often quote and a home made eggnog cake. i wrapped both really extra nicely.. because i knew he would notice. i used to be so into wrapping gifts, but i stopped because no one seemed to care.

i actually asked if he was the sort who would get upset about a gift and he said absolutely not. i explained the cultural significance in my culture (of gifts to people like doctors, etc). He said he understood but wouldn't have been upset anyway. i gave him the gifts and honestly, he seemed tickled. He said he actually likes getting gifts. He asked if i wanted him to open them now and i said no. He said he was glad because he likes to put them under his tree to open at xmas! (imagine big, no HUGE smile for me)

and i laughed... he even rattled the box and then stopped himself and put it down. He seemed delighted. i did tell him what the cake was so he would not let it go stale. He said he would probably have some tonight.

all in all it was wonderful. i truly LOVE giving someone a gift that is received graciously.

I LOVE your description of how he reacted. It made ME feel good inside that he reacted the way he did. So, I know it must have been great for you! When somebody you care about reacts to a gift that way, it makes you feel so appreciated and cared about.

Remember as a child when you would color/make something as a gift for an important person? You could tell when they were sincerely delighted. It would just make you feel so warm and appreciated. I still feel that way. I imagine that's how you felt when your t was so child-like and e. xcited. Lots of adults are too self-conscious to get excited about presents. I love it that he even told you that he likes his presents under the tree.

tulips

Omg, Fluffy I'm picturing the whole thing..... It just sounds so endearing, so comfortable.... AWWWWW I just love this, I'm going to read it again now.

hmmmm to be honest, i've never really had the courage to get anything for my T, but reading around on this forum, i think i might have finally had a therapeutic breakthrough in ways haahahah. my T is running a clothes drive for a native american boy in the Dakotas, so i've decided to get that young man clothes in place of getting my T anything too fancy. also, after reading sisters lovely post about her last session, i've decided on baking my T a batch of kickass cookies!!! thank you all for your inspiration!

Melissa