Decision about holiday gift

My T accepts gifts. Not sure about Christmas gifts, but general gifts that aren't too expensive. She prefers the personally made gifts. I don't gift her for holidays though. We barely even acknowledge holidays/birthdays.

I generally only buy presents for my work secret Santa and my church group's white elephant exchange. My family doesn't do gifts anymore (we did when were kids, but now all the kids are grown up). I find it a relief. I hate shopping. It stresses me out.

I love this!

Update: T just sent me a message asking me how my big thing had gone. I replied and took the opportunity to ask how she was doing, and then I told her how I was expecting to give her the gift yesterday, and asked, if there's no possibility of us meeting before the break (I'll be out from this Saturday to New Years'. She's taking an extra week for summer vacations), if there was any way that I could give it to her, even if I didn't have a session.

This morning her secretary called me and said that one person wouldn't be able to make it to their session, and asked me if I wanted to come then. I said yes, and I did.

Just came back from the session, and I gave her the oven mittens.

As I was waiting for her, there was this kid in the waiting room, along with his mother. The mom was also carrying something in a gift bag. The little boy's T came out before mine did, and I watched as he gave her a box of chocolates. Then I started questioning my gift, feeling like a little kid giving their preschool teacher a gift to be acknowledged.

Right about then, my T comes out and I give her my bag, and I immediately express my feelings of embarrassment. I told her exactly this, "Now I feel like a little kid giving you a present to obtain your approval". She said, "Oh, don't you feel like that. Thanks!" She complimented the bag, I said it was a bit extravagant. Once we were inside her office, she opened the bag (with some difficulty, I must point out) and said, "Oh, these are cute! Thank you!! I love Christmas-decorated things!" then we moved on to the session.

Oh well, see you January 15th, T. Have a good break!

I'm so glad she liked it imnotbroken! Kit

I gave my T his gift this morning. He was very grateful. I was most pleased with what I wrote in the card. The wine was just extra.

Yay! I'm glad it went well!!!

I added a small gift card.It's in the shape of a bookmark, so would go with the reading theme. I know it sounds OTT but it just felt right to me.

Sounds nice.

I am giving my T Freudian Slippers (house shoes that look like a cartoon Freud). He has a really corny sense of humor, so I think he will laugh. Last year I gave him baked goods.

I am really glad she liked your Christmas gift. It sounds like you have a good relationship.

Somehow I never gave holiday gifts to former T, but I have to current T. I think in part because it's easier to come up with ideas for a female T. After spending so many years overseas, I've collected a lot of little gifts, so I'll choose something from my stash.

I just today mailed former T a handmade Christmas card because I made her one every year. Even though she's not my T anymore, I wanted to send her one. I wondered if she thought she wasn't going to get one. Kit

I mailed my T her Christmas present. As some of you know, she is out on medical leave. So, anyway, she said *I* could text her as much as I want, but she would not answer every text. That hurt at first, but I understand why she had to do that. But, back to the gift?! I sort of expected her to reach out and say "thank you," but she didn't. Then I thought maybe it got lost in the mail. Either way, I had to know. We had talked about this gift for a few weeks before she went out on medical leave (She had surgery in mid-November.), but I don't know if she thought I would send it to her. So, finally, a little scared, I texted her and asked her if she received a package from me, and she said, "Yes, thank you for the lovely [gift]." I felt relieved, happy, and a little annoyed, all at the same time. I'm glad the package got to her. I'm happy because of the nature of the gift (Don't want to say details here), but I'm annoyed because I had to ask her if she got it. Shouldn't she have just started a text to me, "Cool, thank you for the lovely gift." And maybe some other sentiment? December is an extremely hard month for me, for a variety of reasons, and she knows that, and all she could say was,
"Yes, thank you for the lovely [gift]?" My feelings are a little hurt. Comments?

I think the way you feel is perfectly normal. The very first gift I gave R he didn't mention it which lead to a loooooong rupture.It wasn't about being thanked, but just acknowledged. I tend to be an anxious person. I'd worry that it might not have arrived too.

Hi Cool, I think my feelings would have been a little hurt too if that had been me. I'm glad she got the present and I'm sure she liked it. I'm sorry December is really hard for you. Kit

Yeah: it's just rude. I don't think it's personal about you, I think it just reflects poorly on your T.


But there does seem to be a generational shift, at least in US culture. I've always received a hand written card/thank you note from my Ts when I'v given a gift. But my Ts were always older than me, of generations that were brought up to do so. I was brought up the same way: from childhood, thank-you notes were written a couple of days after Christmas to demonstrate appreciation to those who cared to send a gift. It was part of the rhythm of the holidays. Judging from what I hear from a lot of people, it's much less common now. I think it's sad, and it would bother me.

This is my 3rd Christmas with my T. The first year I got her a card game that I thought she'd really enjoy based on a comic set I had shared with her and she liked. I was really nervous as it was the first gift I gave her. She was working at a clinic with a large health center. I was not sure if she was even allowed to get it. It was a kick starter. I ordered it really early and it was supposed to arrive by Dec 1. It was late and didn't arrive until the middle of Jan. That year, every time I turned I found something I wanted to give her.

Last year, I didn't even think about it until Dec. At first, I wasn't sure if I would get her anything, then the younger parts started pointing things out. I ended up getting her 3 separate gifts, one from each of my younger parts - a remote control car for age group 4-6, magnetic thinking putty, and a jigsaw puzzle.

This year, again I wasn't sure I would get her anything. I did settle on a book about micro terrariums and a Groupon for a class at a terrarium shop. I'm not sure if I should have got it or not. I'm also now in a weird place where I'm not sure if I got her something because not getting her something would be just as weird as getting her something.

My T is 8 years older than I am. Big Cool is chalking it up to T just not feeling well in her recovery from cancer surgery. But you can bet it will be on the list of things I will talk to her about, the next time I see her.