[justbreathe1994]

If you are looking for a new T and/or could go back in time with your current T, would you want to be super attached to them (I.e. experience transference or wish they were your mom or dad)?

Why?

For me, I go back and forth between wanting to find a T who I attach to and experience all the maternal transference for (like replacing old T) and not wanting to ever experience that dynamic again.

[RaineD]

I picked option one. It sounds weird, but I think that's the only way therapy is going to work for me. While transference can be painful, it is also lovely.

[ArtleyWilkins]

I’ve never been super attached to a therapist, not in the way you describe. I don’t think I would want to be. It sounds too intense; too painful to be desirable. I wouldn’t choose any of the options. I simply choose a therapist relationship that is supportive and secure. I never really thought of my therapists in terms of attachment - wasn’t even a term I was familiar with until I came here.

[Amyjay]

My parents were awful, I do not wish for any form of parent or parent figure at all. I do not want any T or anyone else to act like a parent towards me. That would make me does make me run for the hills.

[koru_kiwi]

i've been there....overall it was incredibly heartbreaking, sad, shameful and most of all frustrating. in the end, being painfully attached to my ex-T really didn't help me with my attachment issues besides re-open and repeatedly reenact old painful childhood wounds. knowing what i know now, post therapy, i would never choose to put myself through that kind of hellish dynamic again. in my opinion, the therapeutic relationship is too restrictive with its strict boundaries and limitations to effectively help one successfully overcome or heal deep attachment issues. best to find someone or something (a beloved pet) in your real life, who can provide true reciprocated love, to help in this regard.

You don't choose.
Plus, therapy isn't just about what you've exaggerated.

[Echos Myron redux]

Of course I wouldn't choose attachment. I also wouldn't choose cleaning my house or exercise. But for me working through my attachment in therapy is important and an investment in my long term mental health. So I believe it is in my interests. For me, therapy without attachment would be like paying for the gym without getting on any equipment.

What's best for you or anyone else I can't say.

[ChickenNoodleSoup]

While I don't think it can be chosen like that, I'd certainly not mind having transference again. I always had issues getting attached to people. It helps to have a T who is fine with it and who helps me deal with it in a way that I feel next time it happens with a 'normal' person it won't be so bad. Plus it's really nice to have a kind of secure attachment to somebody for once.

[unaluna]

In the beginning i was very much like amyjay - in horror of the idea of parents - yet i stuck on anybody who happened by - romantically, therapeutically - like a prickle-bur: not by choice, more by accident. And always an unwelcome, unpleasant experience for all involved. Until i figured out that attachment was the vitamin i lacked.

[Amyjay]

What did you do when you figured that out.

[unaluna]

First i was horrified. And mad. It was something that my parents - mother mostly - purposely did to me. Then i started reading about it. Like honestly i knew NOTHING about attachment. (I never had a kid myself, but i always knew i would never want my mother anywhere near my delivery room!) And about Childhood Emotional Neglect. And talked with my t about it a lot.

[nottrustin]

Emdr T and I discussed this. With T I needed that attachment in order to be able to trust her and slowly open up to her.

I think one of the struggles with EMDR T is we do not have attachment. Not sure I want it for the most part.

[Elio]

I would want it to become whatever I need it to become at the time to help move me along towards my goals. So, it would really depend on my goals.

There are times where I miss what things felt like when I had that longing for T and wonder if I lost something when the longing feelings stopped happening or when the feelings of missing T switched from being painful longing to sad missing/wanting. Mostly I wonder because I also do not experience the highs I used to. I think it is that part of the dynamic I actually miss from that period in my life.

I also wonder if I've gained something with this switch that ultimately will be a crucial part of my process. I don't understand what has caused the switch and that causes me much distress - is it the natural progression of my process or am I repeating old patterns that will lead to me disconnecting from her.

[toomanycats]

Attachment can hurt, but I will choose it over and over and over, because that is the only type of life I feel is worth living.

We will lose everyone. In the end, we die alone - and those we love will die or leave us one way or another. yes, I could choose to minimize pain and loss by not attaching..but at what cost?

What's life without attachment and love?

So, yeah... I will choose attachment and depth and connection in ALL of my relationships over and over and over even though it also means pain.

[Rive.]

No attachment. Attachment hurts like hell.

[lucozader]

I really don't know. Sometimes it feels so good and sometimes it feels so bad. When it goes away for a while I miss it and then when it comes back and is so intense and painful I wish it would go away again. So I guess I don't have an answer. I know that a part of me seeks it out and will continue to do so.

[stopdog]

For me, getting attached to a therapist would be like getting attached to a broken toothbrush. I hired them for a specific purpose. I would not say I am attached to the dentist or my accountant either - I like them well enough but I am not attached to them in any way that I would define the term.
Real people who are in my life I get attached to and it is fine.

[DP_2017]

Never. Even for money

I'd rather be able to walk away as easily as he can

[Lemoncake]

Yes I would. Not only specifically with T but with all the other relationships I've had and been in. I've spent a lot of time crying, and feeling like my heart would break and that I'd never get over it, but each of them changed me and lead to me being where I am now. There's something only pain can teach us.

[toomanycats]

A lot of people seem to think that avoiding attachment is some sort of sign of strength... that a strong person doesn't get attached/doesn't need other people. I used to think this way too, honestly.

I now believe it takes far more strength to attach and need others. That's vulnerability, and the willingness to be vulnerable is real strength.

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by lucozader

I really don't know. Sometimes it feels so good and sometimes it feels so bad. When it goes away for a while I miss it and then when it comes back and is so intense and painful I wish it would go away again. So I guess I don't have an answer. I know that a part of me seeks it out and will continue to do so.

This is pretty much exactly how I feel about it.

[Deejay14]

I would choose healthy attachment in my relationships

[velcro003]

i chose no attachment. i really like my T, but am not super attached to her, which i am okay with.

[satsuma]

This is an interesting and difficult question! Therapy has been incredibly healing for me - lucky for me - and I think it has worked so well *because* of my attachment to my T. So I am very grateful and would definitely want to choose the same again from that point of view. But it can be very painful!! We had some really difficult ruptured a few years ago and I definitely would not want to go through those again. But then, perhaps going through and coming out the other side is what has helped me to move forward and improve my life so much overall. It's tricky!! No to the painful parts but yes to the healing and learning to relax and self soothe for the first time ever in life and all of those kind of things

Attachment and transference are not interchangeable concepts so I am not sure that the poll makes any sense.