Couch 185: The Labyrinth

I wonder if there's some kind of company you could hire to go thru the stuff and give you a list of what they found? And they could be in charge of selling what you don't want so you don't have to deal w it. I don't know if such a thing exists.

NP I honestly think you are very brave and strong for coming out of everything you have been through.

This might be one of those highly irritating phrases, but I believe everything has a time and a place. The boxes will be sorted out when they're sorted out. Try to go easy on yourself. 9 boxes is still better than none regardless of the timeframe. I can barely get my cleaning and dishes done when I'm at my lowest, so I don't. I focus on keeping myself together everything else can wait. I think the wrenches could come in handy when fixing stuff (sorry I really don't know what they're used for but pipes come to my mind)

There's a few that will help organize your stuff, but I do think it would be possible to find someone to come in and help like that.

Well, I'm in a really awkward place now. My T's wife just posted in a local autism group...and it's a biomed group. I've been in the group I think since before I even started seeing T. Do I say something to him about it? (For a couple reasons, I have no doubt it's his wife.)

Honestly I wouldn’t say anything-if your T is keeping your sessions confidential as he should be-the his wife won’t be able to identify you. I would maybe just avoid commenting on her posts if your sure it’s her but I don’t see a need to say anything especially since you were in the group first. Do you feel a need to say something? Because I’m betting your T isn’t going to confirm it’s her...

Judging by his "will not confirm nor deny" stance, I would probably just leave it well enough alone. Although, I'd love to see him squirm a bit if you do bring this up.

Yeah, just in an awkward place. Because, OK, right before I started seeing him, my ex-T was like "Oh he has a kid on the spectrum, too!" And I eventually told him she told me that, he was annoyed with her, but did not deny it. I felt more comfortable talking with him about stuff regarding my D because I figured he "got it." Then a month or two ago, something came up about it, and he said his son wasn't necessarily on the spectrum (he hadn't realized the "narrative" I'd built about it), that he wasn't going to say, that my ex-T may have had old information. It caused a bit of conflict.

I'm not concerned about her knowing who I am. It's more that now I may have info that he wouldn't want me to know. And feel awkward about it.

Though looking more closely at group description, it could also be biomedical treatment for ADHD, allergies, and seizures. So possibly he just has one of those conditions? But she said something that suggested she's anti-vaccine, so...

Based on the recent tension (if that's the right word) that this has created between the two of you lately, I'd be more inclined to think that it would be better to bring it up.
If it ends up becoming a bigger issue and you bring it up later, he might, in light of recent events, unjustly, feel that you had been concealing something and there might be some trust issues.
But more so than that, I know if it were me it would also just be a source of stress that he didn't know. I'd feel a million times better after telling him because then it would be his responsibility to figure out how to respond, rather than trying to make a judgement call and feeling responsible if it ends badly, like you find out something upsetting.
I guess what I'm saying is the burden of these kinds of internal struggles and decisions should be something you should be able to put on him, not deal with yourself to protect him/them from them.

Also if I found out my therapist's spouse was an anti-vaxxer
(controversial potentially inflammatory opinion)

Hugs, LT. Your t isn't in charge of information that's out in the community, nor would it be reasonable for either you or his wife to restrict community activities on the off chance you might interact accidentally.

Best course of action is to just act, as near as you can, the same way you'd act if you had no idea who she is.

It might be better if he doesn’t know you may have information he doesn’t want you to know. I know how awkward that could feel. (I was in more than one situation
Where I had information I shouldn’t have) it felt awkward at first but faded with time. Maybe give it more time? See if it fades? If not then make a choice if you want to tell him or not. But it really seems like your probably not going to find out from him that it’s her.

First, .

Second, you may call it passive-aggressive but I love the giving your therapist wrenches. Let them reap the fruits of their advice when it’s bad.

(Also, it reminds me of ancient oracles: “Follow the first animal you see and where it lies down, you will build your city.” Etc.)

LT—I agree, don’t bring it up. He likely won’t give you satisfaction, increasing the tension, plus you might start comparing his reactions to MC’s and that usually hurts you.

I'm going to sit on the T's wife thing for a bit (likely till next session at the very least). See how I feel. It's probably better not to tell him. But there's also the element of, I feel a bit awkward having seen that and don't want that affecting things between us for me (because I know how I am). And this wasn't a case where I'm just snooping/Googling. I was just going about my usual Facebook life. Though I guess I know for sure it's his wife because of *past* googling, there's still the fact that he has an unusual last name, and he mentions her first name in something he wrote that he references in his professional CV (as in, something I read before I even started seeing him, to check him out). So even if I hadn't done the other thing, it would be completely reasonable for me to at least wonder if it was his wife. (Which of course he could just refuse to answer.)

I guess I'm trying to not feel guilty about it because I didn't do anything wrong (not that googling is wrong anyway). I'm partly saying that "out loud" here so that if I do end up bringing it up with him, I'm not doing so in an "I'm sorry, forgive me?" way. Because there's nothing to forgive.

We don’t have to be “how we are,” though. Especially if it’s likely to cause us pain. We can learn different paths that might be better for us and keep us safer.

ETA: what I’m saying is, just because we have an emotion doesn’t mean we have to act on it. When we’re angry we don’t have to punch something. When we feel dissed by someone, we don’t have to call them names. Etc.

LT:
Realizing I should have included this in my first reply. Not that you don't already know this, but there is no wrong choice. One may end up having a better outcome, but the best you can do is make an educated guess.
Whether or not you bring it up is up to you, but whichever way you decide, neither option is doing anything wrong.
Sorry you got stuck in this crappy position.

What is she doing, posting in their name anyway? My brother doesnt even want me to use my maiden name so i dont contaminate him.

And she uses her first, maiden (I assume), and married name. If she wanted to make it more anonymous, then she could change display name to first and maiden. Or even just include last initial. (I know people who regularly change their Facebook display names...which can be quite confusing at times, like who is this who liked my post!)

Goes without saying that of course I wouldn't comment on or like her post.

Oh, and if I hover over her name (not clicking on it), the landscape photo thing is totally her and T, so...

ETA: I mean, I suppose he could have an identical twin I don't know about...

At 6 I am going to write a syllabus.

At 6 I am going to write a syllabus.

At 6 I am going to write a syllabus.

Etc.

I dunno. I mean, just because she married a therapist, does that mean she can't use her own real life name? Surely there's got to be a balance between his desire for professional privacy and her need to live a normal life.

(Because internet, tone...this is more idle musing than anything else. )

I thought we already did that for you.

• For the love of all that is Roman, stop with the lame excuses
  
• Were You Raised By a She-Wolf? Chew with your mouth closed
  
• Learning from the Past: Don't Kill Your Brother or Elect Orange Tyrants

And all that stuff that CE wrote that sounded all Roman-y and smart.

No?

That was a lecture. Several, apparently. Syllabi must be more finely honed than lectures, because students who are otherwise clueless and don’t read regard them as contracts written in blood on stone.

Wait...we’re against William III? And the Glorious Revolution? Them’s fightin’ words!

Oh, I agree...but T would just need to realize that things could be found with very little effort or by coincidence

LOL - Welcome to my family, where the more ludicrous the question, the more inflammatory the tone. Sometimes i just quote them, and i forget that the rest of the world hasnt seen the same Godfather ad infinitum movies that i have in my head.

Eta - when is doc john gonna let us enable audio? That might help! "She uses her own NAME?! Is she meshugge?!" - in bernie sanders voice

Ooh! Wouldn't that be fun!

So some guy at work, asked me out tonight. It's so funny to me. I'm not used to this at all. He's over 10 years younger so I'm not interested in him like that, I just can't be with a younger guy, but I'm open to hanging out or whatever, even though he has a creepy vibe about him and talks constantly about guns and blowing things up.

I just laugh that the guys I never like, seem to like me and the guys I do like are gay or not interested