Therapist's choice of language

How would you feel if your older male therapist told you to "be a *****" in your angry letter?

There’s several words I could insert in there possibly with different nuancing in UK than US so I’d need more of a clue to think on

I'm guessing it starts with a "b"? If so, I understand why it could bother you, as I assume you're female, so it might seem like a sexist thing? At the same time, if my T (who's male, but not that much older) said something like that to me, I'd likely be fine with it because of the relationship we have. Like I would figure he was trying to be funny and/or encourage me to let my anger out in the letter (since I'm not good at expressing anger). If it starts with a "p" (which I don't think makes sense in this context, with the angry letter), then my answer would be different. If it's something else entirely, then I don't know!

Wouldn't bother me in the slightest, but my family swears like truckers and T and I were very open about cussing etc sometimes.

There really isn't enough context in there (what's an angry letter? To who(m), if anyone? What is the plan for sending it and when (like after a 2nd draft?) What is the purpose of the letter? What does "b****", if that is the word used, mean to him?

Once I was doing my lawyer thing, and ran into a bureaucrat both lazy and stupid and suggested she do her job in haste and correctly. I was not rude in words or tone. Later she saw my client by herself and said, "your lawyer is a real b****." My client said thank you, and I was pleased.

In this context, b**** meant someone who was an advocate for another, who accepted no S***, and who got the job done. Some people use this as a proud beacon for women who are "assertive" if they were men, or who otherwise refuse to accept poor treatment from anyone.

Do he call you that word? Or did he tell you to act that way (perhaps in some context you haven't shared)? Makes a difference what the context was.

For me it's kinda descriptive; I wouldn't be offended. But I would hope that she had better descriptive words to use. I do swear with her but unless it's to make a point, add emphasis etc I think swearing can be a lazy way of speaking.

I swear like a sailor around my T, and he’ll drop the occasional f bomb back to me. Doesn’t bother me in the least.

I have no idea tho what to think of your question, because there’s not enough context

I’m afriad I’d need a bit more context to interpret that. My T is also quite a bit older than me and male, but it doesn’t bother me in the slightest when he swears and indeed, he often nonchalantly uses the “c” word (not in relation to me).

Sounds like a euphemism for " be assertive " , maybe pay less attention to the word itself and more to the expression , this is how I would interpret this.

It all depends on the context. Depending on your level of trust for your therapist, on the situation, on how good a connection you have with the therapist to understand what he means, this word can be either validating and encouraging or sexist and inappropriate. The devil is in the details here

It would bother me because I do not swear and definitely hTe that word. Neither of my Ts swear either so it would be totally out of character. There wort I have said is is something su*@s!