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#1
Dec 24, 2018, 03:24 PM
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So I was invited to play some instrumentals on my guitar, tonight, as part of our Christmas Eve service at my church. But due to ongoing depression, I hadn't taken my guitar out for months. Still, I assumed that I could just pick up where I left off, so last night I took it out and could barely play anything. I'll get to the church early, so we can decide where, logistically, I should be, i.e., down with the choir or up in the balcony.
You may be wondering why I'm writing this in this forum. I once had an interest in attending my T's church. She and I have mutual friends who also attend that church. I asked my T if it would bother her if I was there, and she said it was fine, as long as I wasn't expecting "more" from her during the service or afterward, at coffee. She said if I wanted to attend the church for spiritual reasons, that was fine. But she wouldn't interact with me there. It's been a week since she took texting away, and I really needed to talk to her about some stuff. It's been over a month from the time of her surgery, and I've made it through, with a few stretches of very bad depression, which might actually turn out to be Bipolar II. Although my Pdoc and my wife want me to start not being so dependent/attached to my T, I don't want to, at this time. But it feels almost like a rupture, and I've never really had one with T. So, I am afraid. I am also afraid that my music will suck at church, and I'll melt into a puddle of tears. My wife won't be with me tonight, as she is ill. After the service, I'll attend a small get-together with friends. I hope I can get through everything I need to get through, without having a panic attack, anxiety attack, a lot of crying, or all three. If you celebrate, Merry Christmas. If not, enjoy a day off. --Cool |
 Anonymous41006, Anonymous43774, ChickenNoodleSoup, chihirochild, LonesomeTonight, precaryous, rainbow8
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#2
Dec 24, 2018, 06:19 PM
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I wish you well too.
I'm sorry your T took away texting, I don't like the "taking away" things T's do. It's really ridiculous and messes with trust. I am sure you will do fine at church 
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Grief is the price you pay for love. |
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#3
Dec 24, 2018, 06:36 PM
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Oh, Cool...
What sucky timing for everything. I really relate to this post. I have struggled with music since realising the extent of my experiences two years ago. 'Will I be any good or will I be a puddle?' is the question I find myself asking too. I hope your performance exceeds your expectations. I'll hop into your pocket, if you would like. Take care, Lost
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'Somewhere up above the great divide Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few A man can see his way clear to the light 'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin |
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#4
Dec 25, 2018, 02:15 PM
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Cool how did it go?? Thinking about you
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#5
Dec 25, 2018, 05:41 PM
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Quote:
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#6
Dec 25, 2018, 07:41 PM
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Well, it sucked, as I predicted, but the acoustics of our sanctuary are great! So everyone heard my suckiness.
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| chihirochild, LonesomeTonight, nottrustin
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#7
Dec 25, 2018, 09:12 PM
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Cool was it really that bad or are you being hard on yourself?
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 LonesomeTonight
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#8
Dec 26, 2018, 02:43 PM
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Quote:
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| chihirochild, LonesomeTonight, LostOnTheTrail, seeker33, SlumberKitty
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| Reply |
This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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