[darkside8]

In my next session (tomorrow), my T said she would love to look into my past - achievements, adversities, how I’ve become who I am today, for her to get to know me better etc.
I’m feeling quite nervous about this. A part of me feels that this may be important and may explain some things I struggle with now but then there’s another part of me that feels it’s not necessary. There are also things I feel uncomfortable talking about and have been trying really hard to figure out how to avoid talking about those things without my T knowing. I know if I tell her that there are some things I feel uncomfortable talking about, she’ll understand, but I don’t even want her to know that there are things I don’t want to talk about. There are other things I will discuss of course. Does this make sense? Experienced similar thoughts and feelings? Any advice?

Thanks!

[nottrustin]

Is this a relatively new T??

I would be honest and say that there are other things from your past that you need to work on but don't feel comfortable talking about it now.

I had an appointment where Emdr T asked some questions I didnt feel comfortable answering so I tried to beat around the bush and be very vague. Finally without thinking about itI told her I needed to be honest. I told her that she had been great but I needed for us to spend more time building trust. She handled it well. That evening I felt guilty and texted her to thank her for understanding and tell her it was not anything she did or didn't do.

She responded that given my situation it is common and expected for there to be trust issues (she had also spoken to a couple of weeks before and T told her of my trust issues). She said she was honored that I was comfortable enough to tell her what I needed. She felt that un itself was progress and told her a lot.

[ChickenNoodleSoup]

I had a session similar to this after about a year of therapy, though my T said he usually does it in the first or second session. Due to circumstances we couldn't do it then.

He asked me about my family history as well as my own history, so things like 'which school did you go to' and so on.
I think it's good for a T to have a general overview of the life and family of a client. Your T can put it all on one or two sheets of paper, has all the information there. I don't think it's meant as a comprehensive list of everything, just a general thing.

If it were me, I'd probably not tell a new T everything either. But I'd probably mention that there's things that I'd rather not talk about and would say 'I don't want to talk about X right now' rather than just completely step around the topics. That's because if I'd feel that uncomfortable around a certain issue, I'd probably at some point want to discuss it in therapy. Maybe not right now, but at some point in time. And the T wouldn't know there was an issue there if I'd never mention it, and then at some point it becomes weird to even bring certain things up.
I don't really have any input on how to avoid topics completely, since it will probably more be questions from your T that you answer, and you can't really avoid hearing certain questions. In my opinion, it'd be best to just be upfront if you are uncomfortable with something, but still say that.

[coolibrarian]

I talk about my past all the time; I was never limited nor limited myself to just "one session to talk about my past." As I've gotten older and grown, psychologically and emotionally speaking, I've remembered more, and then talked about it. You are in charge of your therapy. You choose when to tell, what to tell, what to answer, etc.

[SlumberKitty]

I remember telling my former T that I didn't want to talk about x. And we didn't. Until I was ready to (well she pushed me a little) but we are talking months and years before we really talked about it. In my experience, not just with that T but with all my T's is that they will honor what you don't want to talk about, just as much as they will honor what you do want to talk about. Bottom line, it's your time, it's your therapy, it's your money. HUGS Kit.

[Seelenna1982]

I think it’s important to develop trust with your T and hiding issues you’re not ready to talk about might not be the best idea. Perhaps you could go into this session with an open mind. Allow your t to direct and ask questions. If you begin to feel too uncomfortable on a topic or if something keeps coming up for you that you’re not ready to talk about, you could just reply “I’m not ready to talk about that yet”. A T will respect that. This is your work, and you decide the pace. There is never pressure to go into something your not ready to yet.

[mcl6136]

I benefited greatly from therapy with someone who never insisted that I dwell on the past.

Therapy can be about the present and future too.

My whole 16yrs has been about my past.
It's had to be rebuilt with new ears.
I'm not sure how therapy would work by not talking about how we came to become who we are.

[Elio]

I am not sure how I could have gone into my past in just one session. My therapy has been blending all of it together. We did a few sessions towards the beginning where I told her the big arching outline of my life and the who's who of my family of origin and current family. We then spent months weaving mostly through the past while building a relationship between us.

I think it is good for all T's to have some level of understanding of your past. I think it is fine for specific topics to never be talked about and/or your past not to be a focus of your therapy. It is your therapy and if you don't want it to be a focus on your past, then talking to your T about that desire, the why of it, and what they are hoping to get from it would be one way to deal with it.

Bottom line, you don't have to tell a T anything you don't want to. You also are the only one that knows if you need a T that pushes some or one that meets you where you are and lets you unfold at your pace.

[LonesomeTonight]

My first thought in reading the subject line was "session, as in singular?" As I've spent many sessions at least partly on my past. My T covered some of the highlights/lowlights in our initial 90-minute intake session, but other stuff has come out over the past 16 months, as I've trusted him more. Once, maybe a year in, I did take in a list of potentially traumatic events I've been through that we went partly through. But there wasn't just one session about the past. Again, I kept some stuff from him (or at least the details) until I felt comfortable/safe. (While other things I maybe shared a bit too soon...) If you're not ready to talk about something, you can just tell her something like, "there's more, but I'm not ready to talk about it yet." Even if you've been seeing her for a longer period of time, that's completely acceptable--clients need to go at their own pace. Hope the session goes or went well.