Is it important to tell T this?

I've experienced childhood sexual abuse, and a couple more similar events during teenage years, however, as far as I'm aware, I'm not affected by it. What I mean by this is that I do not think about these experiences and it doesn't make me feel negative emotions.

During my teenage years, I realised more clearly what I had experienced as a child because a similar event took place, but I believe I was mostly ok. Felt things such as anger and obviously, felt, and do feel, uncomfortable thinking and discussing it. But that's it really.

During my teenage years, I did become quite rebellious and turned to substance use, was quite moody and self-harmed etc but I do not feel these were direct results of those events. I never thought of it, got upset and then got high or self-harmed. I don't know why I did all those other things, I was a confused teenager who was just angry and moody all the time.

So I don't want to share these events, as well as my past self-harming, with my T because I feel it doesn't relate to my current anxiety, low mood etc and I'll just end up sharing something so personal to another human in the world, but another part of me feels maybe she'll pin point something.

If she hears of my substance misuse, self-harming, oh and slight eating disorder developed during college, she may make me believe that I was affected by it because research shows that all these things I did during my teenage years are often experiences of people who experiences abuse. But what if that's not the case for me. Maybe I did all those things because I've generally always had low moods and can become addictive/obsessive over things.

I'm so confused.

Oh, I also spoke of losing my father when I was a child the other day and said I felt no emotions during that time, I couldn't connect, but rather, that I felt quite embarrassed about people finding it. Now if she hears I feel I am not affected by sexual abuse, she'll wonder what the hell is wrong with me. I was quite tough back then. Now I get on with life as I always have but I'm overly sensitive I think. Everything upsets me, which is very different to how I used to be.

So sorry this is long!

If it were me, I would probably tell my T about these things, although if I didn't want to talk about them, I would stipulate that. However, I am surprised it didn't come up in the intake process. All of my T's have asked questions like, have you ever used illegal substances or misused prescription medications, has there ever been anyone in your life that may have touched you inappropriately or otherwise caused you harm, etc. during the first couple of appointments. I think if you T knows your background, and knows more about you obviously, they are in a better position to help you. You can certainly say that you don't feel you are affected by it, and that it doesn't relate to your current situation. But if it were me, I would let my T know. Just my 2 cents. Certainly you are free to tell your T whatever you want or conversely not say whatever you want. HUGS Kit

Substance use was briefly mentioned at our first session when we discussed what/who I turn to, but as I currently only use nicotine, she probably just assumed that smoking cigs was all I meant by substance use. Thank you ever so much for reading and responding,

Personally I think the SA is an important part of your story. I don't mean it is necessarily the "cause" of the teenage angst or THE important part of your story, just that it is a part of who you are and where you are and why you are *you*. Ultimately what we are now is a product of our genetics and the sum of ALL our life experiences. Maybe those two things didn't have a huge impact on you (your father's death and the SA) but they are still very much part of the fabric of the story of you.