[darkside8]

Reckon there’s any way to tell if your T is ok with touch without explicitly asking?
On my T’s website, she has a few different pictures pop up on the home page - one of the pictures she has put up is of two hands on a table, one holding the other. I do have a history of looking too deep into things and coming up with my own conclusions (which, not all, I believe).

She’s a psychotherapist and many say that generally for them touch is a no-no (not true for all I know), but the fact that she chose a picture like this on both her advertisement website and facebook could perhaps mean she may believe it can be effective in certain circumstances and not completely put off by it?

I probably most likely give off the vibe that I’m not a huggy/touchy person, when really I think I really need it and have for a while. I’m just too awkward and come across very hard to read for anyone to ever know that.

P.S - I’m never going to ask my T about touch, ever, and I bloody hope she never reads this.

[Spangle]

You could use the example of that picture on her webpage to discuss it as a general interest thing. There could be mileage in actually asking her, if you can bring yourself too ask her.
I’m the complete opposite & don’t want anyone hugging me!

Do you want her to touch you or not?

[Salmon77]

One of the things I work on in therapy is saying what I want and asking questions directly, rather than trying to signal what I'm thinking or figure out what other people are thinking via signals. Asking is a lot faster and more likely to get you the true answer than analyzing some picture on her website.

[ElectricManatee]

I have circled back to talking about touch every six months or so. Usually it's about certain experiences and relationships from the past as well as how I feel and what I want. I think working through whatever thoughts and feelings you have about touch might get you to where you can feel comfortable asking your therapist about it directly, if that's something you want to do. Plus obviously there is the added bonus that working through your "stuff" around touch might get you to a place where you can get your touch needs met from other people in your life.

[DP_2017]

Originally Posted by Salmon77

One of the things I work on in therapy is saying what I want and asking questions directly, rather than trying to signal what I'm thinking or figure out what other people are thinking via signals. Asking is a lot faster and more likely to get you the true answer than analyzing some picture on her website.

My T drove this home with me. He encouraged it so much because I couldn't ask. I always assumed I wasn't worth anything. Asking was very tough but WITH HIM, became second nature in time. To the point, where I'd demand things from him, in a joking way but still.

He initially offered to touch me... thankfully because I'd never have asked. I don't think you can really get what you want with mind games. You gotta ask, bottom line

[koru_kiwi]

Originally Posted by DP_2017

You gotta ask, bottom line

Ts who are willing to offer safe human compasionate touch in therapy often wait for the client to initiate the topic or to ask first.

[musinglizzy]

Whenever I see a new T, I just flat out ask. Reason being, T1 was VERY comforting and affectionate with me in the beginning, then pulled away which caused me a great deal of damage. So now, to protect myself and weed people out, I flat out ask. Usually before I even meet them! And I have always gotten a "yes."

I have never touched T in 16yrs. Would love too.
Haven't talked about it much either.
But we do touch emotionally. Even that scared the bejesus out of me.

[winterblues17]

I think I had similar thoughts to you, I'm not a touchy person, I actually squirm at the idea, but as time went on with T I found myself wanting to be closer, that progressed onto wanting to touch.
I think it's actually for many quiet a normal want, but for me it threw me for quite a few weeks. It also brought on slot of shame thoughts etc. Anyway I tried to shut it away and pretend I didn't want this, but then it would come back again. So I just convinced myself she would say no and I'd feel the ultimate form of rejection and carried on ignoring it.
I was adamant I couldn't/wouldn't never say anything, but one day after a break I just blurted out if I could touch her hand. She was probably shocked I dunno because I think I'm quite standoffish and hard to read mainly, but she agreed.
So I know how hard it is to actually ask or mention the want of touch and yes you do fear the rejection and feel the shame in having to say it out loud, but I think it's one of those things in that every T is different, it's not blank or whte many, and without asking you are just not going to know the answer. I don't regret asking that day although I still cringe to myself that I did it, but thankfully for me the outcome was good and it was one of the safest moments I've had with her.

[CyclingPsych]

You can just ask. With my clients I usually keep it as a handshake as I offer one during our first session. It is up to their preference.