[coolibrarian]

It's too bad you can't have a way to display multiple moods for a given day or, for that matter, hour.

I am sitting in my office, and multitasking (which isn't unusual), but I'm getting anxious AGAIN, actually shaking, trying to figure out one part of a project, and then another one, etc. And I keep getting emails from other people working on the same projects as I am.

I actually am considering taking an Ativan, even though I don't like to, when I'm at work. But just now I am feeling very shaky. This happened to me back in, I think, October 2018?

The difference between October 2018 and January 2019? My T was still seeing clients. Now, after yesterday's surprise, I don't have ANY idea of when she's coming back!

I'd told my Pdoc that I DID NOT want to encourage a transference with him, and he said that was understandable. But I don't feel much of a connection to him, and so don't want to call him for help.

So, I came here. I feel like I won't be able to manage all my parts of the projects (and don't suggest that I should ask for help, because none of us really know WTH is going on). I am feeling anxious and somewhat of a loser.

I keep trying to remind myself that I have 3 Master's degrees: an MS Ed, MLS, and MFA. I remind myself that I am an intelligent person. But it's not helping.

Now, as often is the case, I don't want to be "fixed," I'm not looking for solutions, I WANT TO BE HEARD.

[LostOnTheTrail]

I'm so sorry, Cool.

I don't know what yesterday's curveball was, but it all sounds very frustrating. Over the last two years I have learned that you can have all the qualifications you like, but emotions don't listen to logic.

Sending hugs to you and LC.

[coolibrarian]

The "curveball" is that T STILL has the infection, was possibly in the hospital again (although now home), and so while I had the idea of "mid-January, T will be back," now I don't know when she's coming back. I guess the superbug is making her week and tired. But the area she had surgery on/in, is healing nicely.

She's offering phone sessions for her current clients, but I don't think I will ask for one, because I don't want to be anxious/sad/depressed when it's over. Besides, as she had said, she prefers (and I agree) to do therapy face to face.

[seeker33]

Waiting is the worst thing ever!

[SlumberKitty]

I'm sorry Coolibrarian. It's a sucky situation you are in. HUGS Kit

[nottrustin]

I am so sorry Cool. I know it is a difficult time for you. You are doing great. I know there are days that are worse than others, be gentle with yourself. Take care of LC.

I hope that didnt come across as advice. I am listening and my heart breaks for you.

[coolibrarian]

Originally Posted by nottrustin

I am so sorry Cool. I know it is a difficult time for you. You are doing great. I know there are days that are worse than others, be gentle with yourself. Take care of LC.

I hope that didnt come across as advice. I am listening and my heart breaks for you.

It did not come across as advice. But, did I mention? My doctors want me to eliminate caffeine completely. I am doing a slow taper. After that, I may try to cut out refined sugar from my diet. MAY.


Of course, I have to consider that my wife won't want to do this, so our cooking activities may change.