IFS

Can someone enlighten me on Internal Family Systems?My therapist thinks thats whats going on when I hear my "chatter" ( saying things to myself like I want to die, I dont want to be here etc.) I googled it but I dont see protector parts on there like she described. Also when you have BPD is the polarized part of your Internal Family System messed up?

Others may know more , but my T worked on something similar with me. Like he would say a part that is a " protector " will say something like " let's not go and look at the problems and what is hurting and let's go have coffee instead " or it may be something that warns other parts that want to look at something off. So it protects you ( and your pain ) , and it means well , but you have to get another part to try to convince the protecter that it's safe to go there. I use DBT skills although I'm don't have BPD , so I'm unsure about how this might work with BPD. Hope that helps !

This might help give you a basic overview.

Internal Family Systems Therapy | Psychology Today

I have bpd and early on we worked with part theory even though he's psychodynamic/psychoanalytical. We didn't use those terms either though.

I always used to feel so fragmented and I believe it's trauma that causes this. I felt like I had 3 parts, which were very distinct. Two of which were children aged 4 and 7 and my current age. It was about identifying and giving space to allow each of them to talk. The youngest did nothing but cry because at that age I didn't really have words. Two years on I feel more whole. I actually feel each part less.

Similarly he said he was okay also look at inner child work when I brought it up. It might sound woo, but if you're interested I would really recommend the series Homecoming which is available on youtube by John Bradshaw.

Dr. Janina Fisher has many resources on line about IFS/ parts work. I believe it was pioneered by Dr. Schwartz and is a very caring effective therapy acknowledging people are made up not just of one sense of self, but many selves called "parts". The childhood part who is injured, the high functioning part that earns a pay check etc. . Dr. Fisher works with DID and very traumatized people who are fragmented into distinct alters. In other therapy it helps embrace deeply embedded conflicts below consciousness to explore the way in which one part might work against or in concert with other parts, how one part may be I the driver's seat at different moments etc.

Can you tell me a little bit more about your part theory experience?

Sorry to hijack this thread some, how do you feel about not feeling your parts as much. I am 3 yrs in and this last year, I've noticed that I don't feel each part as much. However, with that, I don't seem to feel the gifts each part held as well. Losing the good with what has felt like an integration of the the parts (or quieting of them) has left me very confused on if I'm truly integrating, if they are fragmenting themselves, or if I'm banishing them.

Fragmenting themselves - meaning that what I recognized as 3 distinct younger parts were more like committees and now each element of the committee is being able to be singled out (slowly).

Also, I've wondered if integration means losing some elements of the parts I like, do I really want integration. Sometimes/often I miss having the feeling of "we" as there's been more "I" in my thinking. Most the time I don't know who the "I" is, it just feels more singular even when there is conflicting thoughts/feelings/wants/needs.

Have you experienced anything like this? I'm not even sure I'm making sense.

You are making sense.

To be honest I hadn't really thought about it and I'm not sure how I feel now that you've brought it up. I don't really know if I'm better off or if I've lost something that I can't replace. It used to feel like I was just three different people at the same time, each coming out depending on the situation. I don't hear that younger chatter in my head anymore and just very rarely I doubt they're even there. I understand the gift part. I feel like I have lost that creativity and wonder.

But ho hum I already struggled with identity to begin with and more than anything I feel like I had a chameleon soul, no me just mimicking my environment.

I gave each one a different name, and he would talk to whoever wanted to talk. and with time he got very good at recognizing each one. I also tended to switch between each back and forth though, so not consistently one throughout the whole session.

When I was ready he said that although each was there they made up me and that I had overall control. That seems so obvious but it was like a lightbulb moment.

We did not officially follow IFS. As things developed and unfolded for me, I felt like there were 3 distinct younger parts that I referred to as the young boy (~3-4), the older boy (10-13), and the younger girl (11-14). I mapped out my memories/history as well as parts of personality traits that felt like they fit into these ages. Like Lemoncake, I let them each speak as they came out. Similar to DID but not DID (clearly not DID), they each have their own way of speaking and being. I'm fairly sure that my T got good at recognizing which part was presenting at any given time when the dialog was ongoing. For about a year now, the parts have been weird, quiet, different. Now, I am not so sure she is able pick up on when something starts flowing from a specific part. They are not completely gone. They do seem to be more fleeting and maybe even more guarded. So we'll be talking about something and I'll say/feel something that is significantly out of place for the level of emotional intensity of the discussion, as if some part took control of the ship for a moment.

As far as goals around the parts, my T's goal was more about me finding a way to work with the different parts than integration. While integration was a possible so was learning how to talk with each part and work with the parts to meet the needs of being heard by each part and then being able to make informed decisions based on everything.

I'm sorry if this is a bit confusing some of it is hard for me to describe.

Feel free to PM me any questions.

Ok, Im confused. This isnt DID I am speaking of. I dont have anything in me that feels like a child. I do have chatter but its me talking to me during trauma work and late at night when I am thinking of trauma work. I do havd this other side to me but I thought that was borderline personality disorder as it came about in my early twenties.

Correct, mine is not DID either. And I do think it looks different for each person. What I describe is how it was/is experienced by me and for me. I think it might present to me this way because these ages are when I had my biggest issues growing up and I believe where I have developmental gaps. And maybe it looks this way to me because it is the way that I was able to accept and work with the concept.

Here is one book that describes a different way of looking at it: https://www.amazon.com/Parts-Work-Il.../dp/0979889715

From what I gather one of the advantages of seeing this type of internal landscape and dialog as separate parts from the self is that it might help one separate out threads of thoughts and to look at them from a sort of outside perspective. This might enable one to link things together, find patterns, see when or what causes them to appear or get louder, which ones are helpful, which ones are not so helpful... and so on.

Thanks for this thread everyone who posted.

Derek Scott makes a number of informative vid on YouTube check him out

I have been studying IFS lately and it sounds fascinating. I have not yet taken the blunge in getting a therapist but I have been exploring. I have tried to run through IFS on my own. I notice they always warn not to be blended with a part, stay in Self. But if you are not in the part, how can the part answer the question you ask? I ask a question from Self. And I don't feel the part enough to come up with am answer.

Anyway, I am a big fan of parts therapies- Resource Therapy, Big Mind, etc.

Just wondering how people’s Ts talk to their child parts. Basically, what that interaction looks like, and whether people’s Ts comfort their child parts and what that looks like.

EMDR T and I are just starting to explore IFS. Ther eay she explained it to me is it ok isn't DID. She that sometimes I say things like "a part of me wants to do x but I know I can't because of y". I have said a few times when needing reassurance " "I feel like a child but I am not" she said those are the parts she is talking about. My parts work well together. My problem is that my protector part has been so good at protecting my child part from feelings and emotions that it is becoming an issue.

I have DID and my T uses a blend of IFS and structural dissociation theory as a lens to view my alters/parts and I. Thinking about the alters as an internal family system works for DID just as it does in non-DID. Everybody has parts of themselves, aspects of themselves that operate in certain situations. Everybody has defense mechanisms that can be conceptualized as being held by protector parts. Every one has the ability to be playful and silly, which can be conceptualized as child parts. Everyone has a range of different aspects of self, each which might be appropriate in one situation but not in another. (Think playful silly self inappropriate in a professional work meeting).

When a child is traumatized the traumatized self states might remain more separate and distinct from each other so the whole person can avoid the conflict and pain held by trauma memories. That separateness can exist on a really wide scale from almost normal self-integration to completely separate autonomous DID alters. The beauty of IFS is that it isn't even necessary to define where on that spectrum the self states fall. You can use it to treat the whole self regardless of the extent of the separation, and know that the self states are perfectly normal aspects of all human beings.

Someone asked about T comforting child states - My T never, ever comforts my child alters. She consistently without fail calls on my compassionate adult alter to do that. Why? It is useless to my healing if we are dependent on her for self-regulation. It is imperative we learn to do that ourselves. If a disregulated child part is out in therapy our T will use all the tricks we have to ground an adult part in the present and then do sets of eye movements (EMDR) to get the most compassionate adult part to soothe and protect the child. She insists we are consistently able to do this before we do any trauma processing.

We can't yet. Nearly there though.