Weird things you do because of therapy

Not really sure what I’m asking here, but I’m feeling extremely stressed and would like a fun post to take my mind off other things. This will be pretty childish, but here goes...

Ever since I started therapy (or rather, ever since I grew attached to my T), I started doing some weird/silly things. For instance, I have this zodiac app on my phone (don’t really believe in the whole star sign thing, but it humours me) that tells you who you are “compatible” with ever day. On the day that I have therapy, if I happen to be compatible with Ts star sign (and he with mine) I assume we’ll have a good session because our minds will meet half way. If he happens to be “compatible” with a different star sign, I assume he’ll enjoy the company of a different client more (who is that star sign). Reallly weird and silly, but it humours me sometimes.

I once bought a drink that I saw T drink just out of curiosity.

Sometimes I imagine him burping or snoring or shaving just to remind myself that he’s human and doesn’t live in his office. I also imagine him brushing his teeth or putting his socks on. I imagine that he doesn’t bother making his bed in the morning. I imagine him being the clean but messy type maybe.

I don’t know why I have these thoughts/habits. Sometimes they come on when I’m on the bus or when I’m trying to fall asleep. Kind of weird but also sort of comforting.

Do you have any quirky habits/thoughts that have started as a result of therapy/your T?

OOooo I checked our star signs too. We only get on because he's a pisces and I'm a virgo- so we "lie opposite to each other in the Zodiac and balance each other ".

I watched a film he recommend- it was awful. (Annihilation with Natelie Portman). I've also listened to bands I saw he had previously liked on his old twitter account.

He made me more selfish . I say no to things I don't want to do and I put myself first with no regrets.

Interesting topic! I listened to a song he referenced. I read about and watched a sport I'd never watched before because he's into it. I've read a few books he recommended, but they were therapy-related books, so I don't think that counts. Oh, I did get a nontherapy book he recommended for my H for Christmas, because he said he thought H would like it (I didn't tell H who recommended it). He inspired me to exercise more and do my first 5K (though H also helped with motivating me for that). I can probably come up with others...

I also find myself using some words/phrases he uses and a couple gestures, like pointing at someone when agreeing with them, kinda like "You got it." Then I notice what I'm doing and am like "agh!"

I used to have 3 of the same apps he had. All because he suggested them though and we would talk about them from time to time.

I tried playing pokemon go for a month because he loves it....it wasn't my thing

I actually tried iced coffee, I hate coffee but he's obsessed with iced and one day I'm like, maybe it tastes like a shake, I'll find out. I did like it but realized after trying 3, I hate iced coffee unless its chocolate flavored in some way

We swapped song lists several times and I put all the songs on my play list. Haven't listened since things ended though.

Good topic, OP, quite creative.

I do a version of this too, and it kind of reminds me of when my son was younger and I'd hear things come out of my mouth just like my mother said them (my mother was not abusive but a pretty typical working mom of the 1970's, making food plans and saving coupons). I recall telling my son not to run in the house and then backtracked and thought, why not? Then it was "don't run with scissors" but they were plastic handled nose tipped flimsies, so I stopped that too.

But I very much like one thing that T says, and I've adopted it. He says, "as a man of a certain age (he's a decade older than me)" . . . usually to preface some physical frailties like an imperfect memory. I have found that the men I deal with, such as my auto mechanic, think saying something like "as a woman of a certain age, I shouldn't be driving on the road during snow" is hilarious, and chuckle in a way that pleases me. It works when excusing myself to go to the restroom, too.

I fantasized being fat and seeming to be okay with it, which my last T was. She is fat and seems completely pleased with her bulk. I was terribly jealous of her preening self-satisfied demeanor while being enormous. I imagined myself sitting around binge eating, never exercising and being perfectly okay with it, and complaining to her client (me) about her hip pain.

I realize how unacceptable these thoughts are, but that is exactly why I entertained them, and never spoke about them or acted on them in any way -- it was still fun to harbor them. Feel free to judge me for judging her. But that's what I got.

I assume you aren't personally directing "feel free to judge" to me, but I see nothing unacceptable about anyone's thoughts. They are just thoughts, fantasies, an imagined trying-on of a way of being that is quite intriguing (I find it admirable when anyone, but especially women, are perfectly content with their bodies).

I don't even think it would be "bad" to raise them with a T (where's CE who told his T he didn't care for her "underperforming hair"? It's a good story behind it and I apologize if I'm not remembering it accurately). Insulting someone is one thing, but raising an issue that is obviously in the room (T's appearance or your judgments about it) seems okay in therapy to me. I've discussed "mansplaining" in sessions and talked about how 99% of the world's atrocities are committed by men (this is a fake statistic) and how it must be embarrassing to be a man when you read the paper every day about a man doing something awful. If it's okay to discuss his gender with what's on my mind about men, I don't see why it wouldn't be okay to discuss any issues you have with the therapist's other traits. Again, if it's not just done for the purpose of being insulting. For me, I'd be intrigued to understand how it felt for you to imagine yourself in the scenario you paint and what it means (not asking you to share unless you want to). I see something symbolic in it (maybe about self-indulgence?), but then again I see symbolism everywhere.

mirroring - it all seems so hokey to me

The therapist's obsession with abuse has rubbed off on me somewhat. I think I've also become more outwardly empathetic than before, which is interesting, because the therapist isn't the type to overwhelm you with empathy. I'm not saying she's cold and unfeeling, just that she's not the type to gush. I didn't interact with the previous therapist more than once or twice, as C did the talking, but she was more of a gusher. Anyway, I guess these two things aren't exactly "weird," but they are definitely out of the ordinary for me.

Edit: Also, the angry texts I have sent the therapist (I have not done so since October) are something weird I have done because of therapy. I haven't done that to anyone besides the therapist.

I went into a small room with a strange woman and handed her money to sit there and do nothing. I think the whole concept of therapy is weird.

With T because she talked about gardening bring a good and healthy coping skill I started to get into it. It had the added benefit of giving us something to connect with besides therapy. This was very important to me. I cant say I live gardening but I have grown to love the beauty of the flowers.

Emdr T is a huge outdoors person especially when it comes to hiking and running. She often talks about it being great physically and physically. I told her I would try the hiking and nature walks. I have been on a couple and It is nice.

I'm not addressing this to you personally. And I've spent a bit of time thinking of my own feelings (probably envy but also disgust) about my T. The fact is, I never raised it with her. For all I know, she is NOT content with being grossly overweight. And since the relationship, therapy, is over, I will not get a chance to do so. I just think it is kind of weird that I fixated on it, because I wasn't that curious about her in any other way. Part of me just longed for the opportunity to be an inert and nearly disabled person due to my own eating habits AND BE LOVED ANYWAY. But all of this is based on (probably faulty) assumptions.

Also, I don't really feel that it is great for someone to be content with their body when they are abusing it with over-eating.

Sorry if this is a downer:

I give up my own autonomy in exchange for me to feel relief that the therapy relationship is okay. I can't think of any other relationships like this. It is great and has helped me tremendously but I am having trouble switching back to normalcy.

Thanks for this post, it helped me figure out the above.

That seems pretty profound. Can I be wrong, can I be to blame, and still be worthy of love?

I'm a regular at a coffee shop that's nowhere near where I live or work. Sometimes I wonder if the baristas can tell which regulars are in the area to go to the mental health clinic.

Same here! It's definitely odd that I have a regular twice a week coffee shop in an area that's completely out of the way from where I live and work. And the overall fact that I am very familiar with businesses and traffic patterns in that area occasionally comes up in odd conspicuous ways.

I've read a fiction book she likes, I've listened to music because she likes it, I sang because she used to sing professionally in the past, I began playing the keyboard because she's into music and I thought I should do it too. Because I've been embarrassed for not liking neither music nor movies for a long time before therapy. I think it makes me extremely boring. When my T said she's into music I decided to force myself /try it, because it seems less boring and a smaller waste of time than movies. So I have something for small talk with people :-D once I ate an ice-cream when she mentioned she'd eaten it recently.

Deep down, I don't think so. And I act accordingly much of the time. It's sad, I know.

Post on this ludicrous forum.

Yes, it is sad. But I don't get the sense that this belief is fixed in stone, or like a stone itself, weighing you down. I've been told I act as if I'm unloveable, and sometimes I feel very much in touch with my lovableness, and pretty much everything in between.

I've learned a few things from my last Ts email communication style that I am now using in my professional emails. Not only from him though, more recently I worked with a lawyer who had a very similar style just even better and higher quality in content. I do not miss any of my Ts at this point though and it was quite a long time ago (>2 years). I would not even talk to first ex-T if I ran into him in the city. Second T I would be happy to have a few words with but that's about it.

Posting on this "ludicrous forum" (as SorryOozit described it) is something I am quite happy about even >2 years post-therapy. It is a harmless and yet interesting distraction activity. I get to hear the experiences of a greater variety of people than the ones I typically interact with offline.

Well said. I'd certain post in any forum titled The Ludicrous Forum. Sounds like fun.

Oh don't get me wrong, I enjoy that it's ludicrous here and that I am even more ludicrous by being here.