[Keyplayer]

Hi Guy`s

Next week my therapist and I are going to start "Inner Child Work" and tonight she gave me a brief synopses of what will be taking place.

I was told I would be in a relaxed state , and taken as far back as possible and to find a person or an object or thing or anything you can mentally grab onto for emergencies incase you remember something that bothers you , you will have that object or remembrance to comfort you .

I told her , "I don`t have anything all I had was my nanny and she died when I was 9 ( my moms - mom ) , aside from that my mom worked ,dad worked , granddad worked , so when ever I came home from playing out or going to school , it would always be my nanny to fix me something to eat and to patch up a scrape.

Mom and dad where there every night , but all I remember is my mom getting ready for another day of work and my dad watching tv , having a highball !!

We had a dog named Tammy , buy it was my dads dog more than mine.
Probably because my dad would share his beer with her !! She loved the stuff.

So what am I supposed to do , I can`t make something up , and most of the stuff that happened , happened after I lost nanny.

When my grandmother died , my life fell of a cliff , and I can never really remember climbing back up.

All ideas and thoughts would be greatly appreciated , thanks in advance

Take care

Keyplayer 

[nottrustin]

How about a picture or your Nanny or something that reminds you of her?

[Keyplayer]

Thank nottrustin ,

I don`t have a picture of her , I don`t have pictures of any of my late family , my mom and dad , all I have is as my memory of them.

I must move past my complicated grief syndrome , and I was the one that wanted to try inner child work , I think my T might be thinking it is to soon , but is welling to give it a go.

Take care , thanks again

KP 

[nottrustin]

How about something that reminds you of her?? For instance of age liked gardening-pictires of flowers. I'd the qas something special you would do together like going to a certain restaurant something to trigger those memories. If you have a blanket she made that...

[Seelenna1982]

So this object or memory is being used to comfort you when you hit a moment of something troubling. It seems you have a strong comforting connection to your nanny. I’d find a specific memory that feels very content and calming to you. Something you can really visualize, think back to the smell the feeling of the air on your skin, anything that you can really grasp. It doesn’t have to be connected to the memory you’re working on.
Tbh, it could probably be something fictitious like a calm place you make up and go back to when you become too disturbed.

[Keyplayer]

Hi nottrustin ,

Thank you , but nothing , only memories. It would be great if I did have something that could ground me.

I was 9 when she passed , after my life was full of unanswered questions.

She never knitted or anything like that , I remember we used to do puzzles together , she would always tell me to find the edge pieces first to make the frame !! LOL , just grandma stuff , stuff she would do or we would do until my mom came home from work.

My mom and dad loved me , but my nanny was there for me.

I remember the day my mom got the news and how it destroyed her life and I remember my dad trying to comfort her in the dinning room.

The day she died , a Tuesday in May of `63. My dad and I just came back from getting an ice cream , and we saw the doctors car parked out front , I remember saying to my dad , nanny`s gone , isn`t she ? My dad just said , I think so, Soon I remember the hurst coming and her being placed in a black bag and carried out of her bedroom.

Crap == memories

When my mom died at home the nurse asked if I wanted to say good bye to my mom , I told her I already have and could not wittiness another member of my family being placed in a black bag and taken from there home.

More crap == memories

I am ok , I am now 66 , I was 9 when Nanny died and my mom passed in 2005 in June and my dad in 2015 , in June.

Needless to say , June is not a good month.

I had the holiday break , like many , I thought no big deal. Until I stopped going to bed at night , it wasn't`t until therapy started last week , that I was able to go to bed a sleep.

I write phrases , many of which I have shared in the "Creative Section" , but still many more that are to dark and triggering to share.

Last week I wrote "3 AM" , it was my darkest piece yet , although not intended , it reads like a suicide note , although I am not and never have been suicidal.

My T and I have talked about death and I even told her tonight with all my faith , I am still scared to death of dying.

She wanted to read "3 AM" , I warned her it is dark , the darkest piece my work to date you will read , she said" it`s ok I would like to read it because of all the clients I have , you are the one I worry about the least when it comes to suicide".

I am just messed up , and it all started the first or second Tuesday in May 1963.

Now you know more than I == LOL

Take care , thanks

KP 

[Anastasia~]

Keyplayer HIII
Just be yourself, let your T know how it is going for you. Nobody knows what will or won't come up, so don't push yourself. YOu will do fine whatever you do!!!! Take care

Me

[Keyplayer]

Thanks Seelenna1982 ,

But I was only 9 , a traumatic 9 year old , so I remember times with nanny , but would that be enough ?

Thanks for your input

KP. 

[Keyplayer]

Hi Anastasia ,

Thank you for your most valuable suggestion

I guess I really can`t do any worst than now !! I am just at a point where I can see the horizon , but I want to touch the sun before it sets , if you catch my meaning

I hope all is well , thank you again.

KP. 

[nottrustin]

Not bugging you really. Just trying to be helpful.

Could you tell T about those good memories and ask her to mention them if you need to be grounded. If I need to be grounded during trauma work I have a ring knit square that reminds me of a safe time or T will ask me something about my kids. Just a couple of ideas.

[Waterloo12345]

I haven't done this myself but I read that the safe object can be a place you frequent now that makes you feel safe and calm? Or other people have said they have used a fictious character they identify with that gives them comfort.

From what not trusting said above I realise I'm similar in that if I'm dissociating and I'm asked a professional work type question, I snap out if it and adult me takes over to answer and engage with the question. I guess anything that works to stop the spiral? Good luck- I love your touching the sun phrase.

[MoxieDoxie]

I also could not come up with a real person. The therapist said for me to make up a fictional person or use someone that I admire or a character from a TV show. I always used a strong bad as female character like Ripley from Aliens.

[Keyplayer]

Thanks nottrustin , that is great advice , never bugging , but always helping , so thanks

KP 

[Keyplayer]

Thank you all for your kind words and advice

I am dealing with another issue now , a weekend storm that might dump as much as 3 feet of snow , yuck , I do not like snow !! Not when I must shovel it , must remember to take it slow .

Thanks again , take care

KP 

[nottrustin]

Originally Posted by Keyplayer

Thank you all for your kind words and advice

I am dealing with another issue now , a weekend storm that might dump as much as 3 feet of snow , yuck , I do not like snow !! Not when I must shovel it , must remember to take it slow .

Thanks again , take care

KP 

I totally understand this we are in the same boat.. I am not from the same state but very close. We have a long planned trip in another state which requires us to go through your area.. I NEED that trip