T said to stop from becoming psychotic I used things to keep me sane as a very young baby.
Perhaps, the light in the centre of the room.
Perhaps the known sunlight in the room.
Perhaps the sound of birds outside the windows.
Even the empty woman that was my 2nd mother.

Or I think too... I created addiction.
I dreamt once I was searching for comfort.
Searching for a can or bottle of something Nice.
After so many years clean, in the dream I find 1 bottle of beer.
I drink it. I feel the immediate relief of having to hold myself together dissappear.
I dream other parts, of me are relieved too.
Then as the dream continues, the delight fades. My dream is replaced by empty Spaces. By seeing people but then not seeing me.
But that drink!? It sure was glorious?! The whole world within and without drank with me.

Only they didn't. On waking I realise the world doesn't gasp a drink like I do. The gasping is in me. It's the mother I created as a young baby. It was a very young mind trying to gain control of its uncontrolled world it found itself.
Take that phantasy away and one comes down to earth with a bang. One finally gets to feel the emptiness. The addiction is the 3 ball juggler. Terrified to drop the ball for fear of being in the world again.

T said, I was very creative. I created splits, to survive.
The addiction keeps them splits alive.
The addiction is an attempt at creating a mother.
The split must die.

Look into the emptiness. It's just the man being the curtain.

[feileacan]

From which position were you writing it: the psychotic, the drunkard, the observer or the one who looks (can look) into emptiness? Or from somewhere else? Have you become psychotic in sessions?

The observer. And yes in sessions I have.