[scorpiosis37]

So, after not being in therapy for 3.5 years, I’ve started with a new T with the goal of solution-based therapy for a couple of specific issues. One is that I ruminate a lot. When i’m working On a specific project, dealing with something stressful, or simply exploring a new research question, it’s like my brain just does down a rabbit hole and can’t stop and relax. I’m not having cognitive distortions. My thoughts are rational and, in smaller quantities, useful— but I can’t seem to stop the invest thought-spiral. This is the worst when I’m trying to go to sleep. I stay awake in bed for hours, just replaying my thoughts. I asked my T for tools or skills to address this, but she came up blank. Her modalities are CBT and IFS, but I’m not sure if I really connect with either. My general opinion is that IFS is...well...not the way I relate to myself. But I’m really trying to be open-minded and give her a chance.

I told her what I’ve already tried, that didn’t work:
-meditation
-breathing
-grounding exercises
-tactile things (T suggested touching Velcro and velvet— HARD NO. My anxiety comes out when I teach, and the last thing I’m going to do while teaching grad students about scientific racism is stoke Velcro)
-yoga ( I also physically can’t anymore due to a neck injury)

Things that “kind of” help but are not long-term solutions
-massage
-watching TV as a distraction
-journaling
-calling friends/family
-venting

Any suggestions that have worked for you would be helpful!

[Pennster]

If one of your problems is staying awake for hours ruminating, perhaps you might try taking something like melatonin or tryptophan, so that the sleepiness will overtake you? Just a thought- I have found that reading until the melatonin kicks in kind of helpful as well.

[Ididitmyway]

Exercise helps me stop ruminating thoughts whenever I work up the motivation to do it, which rarely happens. But if it does happen, it works great. It clears my mind and grounds me. The effect is temporary though. It's easier for me to exercise in the summer because then I can swim in the pool, which I love. Water calms me in general. Taking a bath helps, but the standard bathtub is not very comfortable and that's what we have at home. Being out in the sun helps too. Painting too, again, whenever I get motivation and inspiration to do that. It could be anything that I am drawn to in the moment. I feel intuitively what I need in the moment to relax. One moment I can pick up a book that puts my mind at ease, another moment it's some movie, or taking a walk around the block or going out for a drink with my husband..there is always something new I could think of. I generally just go with the flow..makes life less stressful..

[Out There]

I use the ho'oponopana mantra ( it's on YouTube ) and something I've found very effective is to write things down on a piece of paper , light a tea light candle , focus on both of them in a space for as long as I feel like it , set light to the paper , burn it to ashes ( fireproof receptacle obviously ) then take it outside and throw it away , especially good if it s a windy day. Then put it behind you. This works on the subconscious , which is doing the ruminating.

[growlycat]

I find this ten minute meditation helpful when I take my lunch break in my car at work, especially the part about “imagine your thoughts as balloons, let them float away”....

[velcro003]

the only thing i've ever felt was useful was medication for me.

[atisketatasket]

You may not be able to do this depending on the class set-up, but I deal with my anxiety during teaching by moving around the classroom nearly constantly. It has the side benefit of keeping students more alert, though I’m sure it annoys some of them.

[feralkittymom]

I'm a little confused because the staying awake ruminating seems qualitatively different from anxiety while teaching.

Is the anxiety while teaching about teaching? Or is it intrusive thoughts about the unrelated current stress while teaching?


As far as the inability to turn it off to sleep, I've not found relaxation or distraction helpful. The only habit which helped me was detailed notes, lists, etc about the source of the stress, compiled before trying to sleep so that I could convince myself that I wouldn't forget or "lose" anything by taking a break. I would know I could start back up right where I left off with the next work session. It is similar to the writing technique of always stopping work when you still have ideas to write, using notes as reminders to begin again the next time. Always worked well to circumvent writer's block.

[sarahsweets]

Sometimes I will close my eyes and literally say outloud:" Stop it. Please take these thoughts from me".

What's the underlying feeling that feeds the ruminating.
Mine is adrenalin.
Ain't no mindfulness or jogging or buying flowery notebooks would stop that ****.

[scorpiosis37]

Originally Posted by Pennster

If one of your problems is staying awake for hours ruminating, perhaps you might try taking something like melatonin or tryptophan, so that the sleepiness will overtake you? Just a thought- I have found that reading until the melatonin kicks in kind of helpful as well.

I’ve tried melatonin as well as ambien, trazadone, lunesta, Zquil, amitryptaline, and a few other sleep meds. I love the idea of them— and they often work for like 3 days— and then my body adjusts to them and they fail to actually put me to sleep. It’s actually pretty frustrating because if they actually worked, that would be the perfect solution for sleep.

[scorpiosis37]

Originally Posted by Ididitmyway

Exercise helps me stop ruminating thoughts whenever I work up the motivation to do it, which rarely happens. But if it does happen, it works great. It clears my mind and grounds me. The effect is temporary though. It's easier for me to exercise in the summer because then I can swim in the pool, which I love. Water calms me in general. Taking a bath helps, but the standard bathtub is not very comfortable and that's what we have at home. Being out in the sun helps too. Painting too, again, whenever I get motivation and inspiration to do that. It could be anything that I am drawn to in the moment. I feel intuitively what I need in the moment to relax. One moment I can pick up a book that puts my mind at ease, another moment it's some movie, or taking a walk around the block or going out for a drink with my husband..there is always something new I could think of. I generally just go with the flow..makes life less stressful..

I do exercise regularly, but I haven’t found it to have much of an effect on the ruminating. In fact, when I run, my mind often goes through all of the thoughts. It’s good for my body though and enjoy it.

[Anne2.0]

I have struggled with insomnia of the wake up and ruminate type (always fall asleep easily) off and on since I was 12. These are some of the things I think you haven't tried that have worked for me:

acupuncture
getting plenty of b-vitamins and taking a supplement
l-theanine: L-Theanine: Scientific review on benefits, anxiet, dosage, side effects | Examine.com

and CBD oil. My T told me about theanine and said you can take it when you wake up and that helps some people.

Also, once I realize I'm in a rumination spiral I get up, go to my office, and write down in a notebook each thing I am ruminating about like a bullet point. I don't use my computer because I think that screens are a stimulant. I don't always review the writings, but sometimes I have a good idea or two in there or something that's on my mind that I hadn't yet been able to crystalize, like an upcoming anniversary or a need to prod one of the people I work with about something.

[scorpiosis37]

Originally Posted by feralkittymom

I'm a little confused because the staying awake ruminating seems qualitatively different from anxiety while teaching.

Is the anxiety while teaching about teaching? Or is it intrusive thoughts about the unrelated current stress while teaching?


As far as the inability to turn it off to sleep, I've not found relaxation or distraction helpful. The only habit which helped me was detailed notes, lists, etc about the source of the stress, compiled before trying to sleep so that I could convince myself that I wouldn't forget or "lose" anything by taking a break. I would know I could start back up right where I left off with the next work session. It is similar to the writing technique of always stopping work when you still have ideas to write, using notes as reminders to begin again the next time. Always worked well to circumvent writer's block.

My ruminating/anxiety is mostly work-related, so it’s about teaching, publishing, networking, etc. My stress comes from my job. So when I’m having trouble sleeping at night, I’m mostly worried about teaching the next day, the 500 emails I haven’t responded to yet, the edits I have to do on an article, the pressure to publish even more, the meeting with my department chair, etc. In the classroom I don’t have intrusive thoughts, but I do feel anxious anytime I ask a question and there’s a “pause” before a student raises their hand or students look like they haven’t understood my explanation for something. The thing is, I have high teaching evaluations so I know I’m doing a good job. But I’m a perfectionist and I’m always pushing myself to do even better. I think it’s something that’s drilled into us all through grad school, as well as an unhealthy sense of competition in academia.

I completely agree with you about relaxation and distraction not working. The list-making and notes you describe have been helpful for me as well. I have a list section on my phone that I use to write things down at night, for the next day. When I do that— and accomplish those tasks the next day— I feel a lot better. I think where I get hung up is that I can’t always finish my lists the next day and wind up transferring Monday’s to-dos onto Tues, then Wed, then Thurs, and then I feel overwhelmed. But the act of writing down everything so I don’t forget and have a place to start the next day is helpful.

[scorpiosis37]

Originally Posted by Anne2.0

I have struggled with insomnia of the wake up and ruminate type (always fall asleep easily) off and on since I was 12. These are some of the things I think you haven't tried that have worked for me:

acupuncture
getting plenty of b-vitamins and taking a supplement
l-theanine: L-Theanine: Scientific review on benefits, anxiet, dosage, side effects | Examine.com

and CBD oil. My T told me about theanine and said you can take it when you wake up and that helps some people.

Also, once I realize I'm in a rumination spiral I get up, go to my office, and write down in a notebook each thing I am ruminating about like a bullet point. I don't use my computer because I think that screens are a stimulant. I don't always review the writings, but sometimes I have a good idea or two in there or something that's on my mind that I hadn't yet been able to crystalize, like an upcoming anniversary or a need to prod one of the people I work with about something.

Thanks! I just ordered L-theanine and B vitamins from Amazon so we’ll see if those work for me.

I do think writing things down is helpful. I do it quite a bit when I’m in a thought spiral and I’m at home.

[Middlemarcher]

Truthfully, the most helpful thing for me has been a small dose of Klonopin before I go to bed. I don’t love taking it, but it’s effective. It still takes work to shut off those thoughts, but it’s possible.

The other helpful thing for me has been developing containment imagery, an idea I took from reading about EMDR. I have a safe that I imagine, with various locks and seals and such. You come up with whatever image seems most secure to you. I imagine putting my worries in there one by one (money stuff, job stuff, relationship, therapy, illness, etc), then close it up. If I find myself starting to ruminate again, I repeat the exercise. I have to repeat it much less often than I used to, thanks to a lot of stubborn practice.

[mcl6136]

I'm learning a third language and practicing my second one (raised bilingual).

It has worked wonders.

"When you learn a new language, you get a new soul"
Czech proverb.

I am also a professor and run a private business as well, and a person with a hyperactive mind, so I understand this very well. I actually developed an alcohol addiction in my 30's because I used drinking to help me relax/sleep and, of course, it made everything a million times worse in the longer run. It was hands down the most difficult thing in my life to overcome so I personally would not advocate relying on drugs, not even supplements.

What I have found most important before any relaxing and coping strategies is to admit and define my realistic limits when it comes to work (and everything else, but especially work). Then don't take on work, start projects etc beyond those limits, no matter what. My academic job is more research (with lots of supervising and mentoring junior staff) than teaching and I need to consciously limit it no matter how exciting a new research direction or project might be. Having great administrative staff helping me is also essential although there are naturally periods when such people are not available and my workload (and anxiety) gets worse. I think it is not really necessary to compete with colleagues that live an obviously crazy, unhealthy, constantly spinning professional life and it is important that we do not measure our self worth in that relative way. It does not even usually work in the longer run and most likely just leads to burnout, loss of motivation, a host of mental health issues etc.

What is most important for me is to create a reasonable balance in my life with other activities, self care, fulfilling personal relationships etc. I also actually use this forum primarily to take breaks and focus on something that is not essential. If I don't respect my limits, I find that no amount of relaxation and whatever techniques work. Exercise is good also because it creates breaks and shifts focus, and I make sure that I consciously shift my mental focus as well when I exercise and don't allow myself to think about work too much. If it is just yet another way to have time to think about work-related things, it really helps very little.

I also think that reasonably good diet and sleep hygiene is essential. I also have the kinds of sleep issues that I fall asleep easily but wake up many times and often can't go back to sleep... have had this pattern since my teens. I try not to worry about it too much and use the time when I am up early for something productive or just relaxing (sometimes hang out on this forum, for example). Usually a pretty good night's sleep will follow 2-3 more disrupted nights.

I could go on for a long time but the key for me, again, is balance. No amount of professional achievement and respect is worth it if we become nervous wrecks as a result and live that way.

Speaking of coping though, one of the first things that crossed my mind reading the OP: why do you actually see a therapist whose approach does not seem appealing and it does not click with you? My last T specializes in working with high-achieving, often anxious professionals and advertises that he helps create balance in people's life. That was also what a lot of my therapy was focused on but it did not help at all without actually acknowledging and working around my natural limits. I still often forget it though and push myself too far... usually my body reminds me quickly especially now that I am older (soon 45). I also especially tend to have the constant mental hyperactivity more when I push myself in unhealthy ways or when I am not doing time management well, for example procrastinate.

I have personally found that therapy mostly just added to my stresses than took away from it because it was yet another thing to obsess about, including even more instrospection that I already tend to overdo by default.

[giggles6211]

One technique that has helped me to fall asleep (or fall back asleep) when I am ruminating is 8:16:32 breathing. You breathe 8 times on your back, 16 times on your right side, and 32 times on your left side. You count each breath on the exhale. Begin by breathing in deeply through your belly and then exhaling fully. Pause at the end of the exhale momentarily and then breathe in/exhale. We naturally pause after inhaling but try to go right into the exhale and pause at the exhale.

Not only does this take some concentration, which is hard to ruminate then, it activates your parasympathetic nervous system, which controls rest and digestion. It also slows down your sympathetic nervous system, which controls the cortisol stress levels and fight/flight.

Happy breathing. . .and, hopefully, happy resting without rumination.

[feralkittymom]

Sounds like classic Imposter Syndrome, which is certainly embedded in academia--and compounded by the fact that often no one will admit to it.

Does your University host a women's research/writing/professional development circle? Although I've never been in a position to join one, I've had friends who have, and they've found it very supportive and useful for these sort of professional concerns. In my experience, Ts don't generally understand the issue unless they hold academic appointments. Some sports/performance Ts can help in some ways, by focusing on the individual, but they often lack the understanding of the academic culture.

[scorpiosis37]

Originally Posted by Xynesthesia

I am also a professor and run a private business as well, and a person with a hyperactive mind, so I understand this very well. I actually developed an alcohol addiction in my 30's because I used drinking to help me relax/sleep and, of course, it made everything a million times worse in the longer run. It was hands down the most difficult thing in my life to overcome so I personally would not advocate relying on drugs, not even supplements.

What I have found most important before any relaxing and coping strategies is to admit and define my realistic limits when it comes to work (and everything else, but especially work). Then don't take on work, start projects etc beyond those limits, no matter what. My academic job is more research (with lots of supervising and mentoring junior staff) than teaching and I need to consciously limit it no matter how exciting a new research direction or project might be. Having great administrative staff helping me is also essential although there are naturally periods when such people are not available and my workload (and anxiety) gets worse. I think it is not really necessary to compete with colleagues that live an obviously crazy, unhealthy, constantly spinning professional life and it is important that we do not measure our self worth in that relative way. It does not even usually work in the longer run and most likely just leads to burnout, loss of motivation, a host of mental health issues etc.

What is most important for me is to create a reasonable balance in my life with other activities, self care, fulfilling personal relationships etc. I also actually use this forum primarily to take breaks and focus on something that is not essential. If I don't respect my limits, I find that no amount of relaxation and whatever techniques work. Exercise is good also because it creates breaks and shifts focus, and I make sure that I consciously shift my mental focus as well when I exercise and don't allow myself to think about work too much. If it is just yet another way to have time to think about work-related things, it really helps very little.

I also think that reasonably good diet and sleep hygiene is essential. I also have the kinds of sleep issues that I fall asleep easily but wake up many times and often can't go back to sleep... have had this pattern since my teens. I try not to worry about it too much and use the time when I am up early for something productive or just relaxing (sometimes hang out on this forum, for example). Usually a pretty good night's sleep will follow 2-3 more disrupted nights.

I could go on for a long time but the key for me, again, is balance. No amount of professional achievement and respect is worth it if we become nervous wrecks as a result and live that way.

Speaking of coping though, one of the first things that crossed my mind reading the OP: why do you actually see a therapist whose approach does not seem appealing and it does not click with you? My last T specializes in working with high-achieving, often anxious professionals and advertises that he helps create balance in people's life. That was also what a lot of my therapy was focused on but it did not help at all without actually acknowledging and working around my natural limits. I still often forget it though and push myself too far... usually my body reminds me quickly especially now that I am older (soon 45). I also especially tend to have the constant mental hyperactivity more when I push myself in unhealthy ways or when I am not doing time management well, for example procrastinate.

I have personally found that therapy mostly just added to my stresses than took away from it because it was yet another thing to obsess about, including even more instrospection that I already tend to overdo by default.

Thank-you. It’s helpful to hear from someone who understands the stress and pressure of academia. I agree I need a better work/life balance.

The reason I just started seeing this T (I’m only one month in) is because she’s about the only one who takes my insurance and is available on the day I don’t teach. I’m really not sure if I want to continue or not. I’m not sure if I need to be more “open” to her techniques because they could help in the long run (as she claims) or if therapy will only add to my stress, give me one more thing to worry about, and cause me to do more introspection (which I already do plenty). I told her I feel I’ve already processed my childhood, I already know myself inside out and backwards, etc. I really just want to feel less job anxiety. Because I work all the time, my social life is also suffering. The new therapist’s response was that even though I have already talked about all of my “stuff,” she doesn’t think I have processed it or overcome it. She thinks I need to do that in order to really be rid of anxiety. I don’t know if that’s true or if that’s ********. She’s trying to get me to do IFS and have my intellect and my body have a better “relationship.” While I agree that my body is being neglected right now because I push myself 24/7 with my job, I don’t know that it’s necessary or productive to turn this into an IFS thing and pretend like my body and my intellect are 2 different people that need family therapy. To me, that sounds silly. I already know that I need a better work/life balance. What I want are practical strategies to help me achieve that. I feel guilty when I’m not working, because academia has beat that into me. How do I know if I just have academia-induced anxiety or the kind of anxiety that needs to be explored with a therapist who digs into my life history? So far, I just feel frustrated by this process. But when I tell her that I don’t know if this is the right approach for me or that I don’t think it’s helping, she tells me that I’m being “resistant” and I need to “trust her.” But I don’t trust her. I’m really not willing to Substitute anyone’s judgment for my own or trust someone just because they are a therapist.

The biggest issue I have with setting limits on my time is that I do not have tenure and therefore I am rather beholden to my department chair. I told her in December that I feel I have too many service obligations, and she basically told me to suck it up. Just today, I was told— not asked— to take on yet another thing I do not want to do. I tried to get out of it, but I was told it was mandatory. How do I create work/life balance when I feel like I’m not in control of my obligations? I have no intention of taking on anything else voluntarily, but I’m barely doing what’s already on my plate. From the outside, I look like I’m doing well. But internally, I’m so exhausted I’m at the end of my rope.

I completely get that pressure. My experience with it in general (in academic work environments) is that it is usually not evenly distributed pressure on all faculty members even though the process of getting tenure is the same for everyone (kind of). Like with many things, the people in positions of power usually sense who are easier to put demands on and manipulate and who will not comply with that easily. I don't know if this is relevant at all in your case but it could be compared a bit to therapy when the T manipulates the client to fit into their fave mold and follow. From what I have seen, it really helps to have rock solid boundaries and refuse unwanted maneuvers in academia as well. Of course one cannot become too antagonistic but usually it is still a pretty broad spectrum unless it is a particularly rigid and poorly managed department/institution. I think there is often a difference between being open-minded and being vulnerable to manipulation, but many people in powerful positions can skillfully blur this difference and play games with it. If you feel that this is relevant, maybe it's something to explore in therapy even if you feel it is already clear to your consciousness but still affects your practical situation. Including with the T, who also sounds like trying to entice you to follow their lead/approach claiming it is for your benefit, just be patient for it. These are just my thoughts of course, I have no clue if they click with your experience at all. But I do remember your story about the former T who became an abusive "friend", or a much earlier post from you when you described being too accommodating.

I very much relate to neglecting my body and both physical and mental health in order to fulfill my professional standards and aspirations. For me, not even for external demands usually but primarily my own. Don't know how old you are but, in my experience, it is something relatively easy to do and not perceive as a problem when we are younger - that was the case in my 20s and early 30s, until I started one project that required so extremely crazy schedules and I had very little help, I could no longer just cope naturally and ignore the limitations - then, to expand my limits, I started using drugs and alcohol. Then, after a while, I ignored my work as well, made mistakes, became reckless to just get it done more quickly so that I can escape and drink, got into a really unhealthy romantic relationship to compensate and provide some instant gratification (and another escape)... and eventually seriously neglected my work and my own standards as well. I am very lucky that I did not manage to destroy my career with all of that but there are definitely long-term, irreversible consequences. The reason I am talking about the limits is because I had a very poor sense of my limits when I was young, not relative to external demands and obligations, but my own... and learned to respect my limits in a very hard way. It also led to an annoying, now seemingly permanent motivational deficiency that comes and goes - I may have had some predisposition but I think I definitely fried my brain in some ways with my choices and behavior.

As for the anxiety, I personally do not believe that it can be cured just by "processing" childhood experiences. It is often not caused by childhood experiences primarily but by inborn, biological factors. Of course early life struggles often exacerbate it but it is a physiological condition just like any other and requires practical strategies to get better, talking to someone will do very little if the lifestyle remains the same. I actually find some CBT-ish techniques helpful to cope with anxiety, including remaining aware that it is primarily an internal, physiological condition which generates the feelings, then I sometimes project the feelings onto external things and environment. That sort of projection can kinda help in the moment to mimic a sense of control - if I completed this challenging situation or that, if I understood myself truly well, if I reached more security etc etc... it will be easier. Of course resolving problems and challenges that way can indeed help a lot but it will not eliminate the original source of anxiety in those of us who are prone to it. It helped me more to accept that I am an anxious person by default and will likely always have challenges due to it, whatever I do in my life. In some way, if I have to have a chronic condition, this is still much better than many of the physical ailments people have... What I can do to manage it better is to regulate my lifestyle as much as I am able to and to make better choices.

One strategy that works pretty well for me if I can stick to it is maintaining a routine in my life. I find this challenging because I was not conditioned for routines in my childhood/youth and did not care to establish much early on given I saw little reason as my jobs always had a lot of flexibility, I don't have a family/kids etc. It more came in middle age (these days) and of course it is not easy at all to change my old habits. But it can be the most helpful thing, even in shorter periods. For example, I try to schedule everything and try not to allow serious deviation regardless how I feel in the moment. Surely it does not always work and I sabotage my own plans, but if it works 1/3 of the time, that is already better. It involves turning off my work email around 7pm daily and not be available that way except in rare cases where I know in advance something very urgent must be taken care of. I know it may be hard for someone who does a lot of teaching because students are not famous for respecting the professor's time and life by default. Some of my colleagues who teach a lot set times for the students during which they are available either via email or in person and make this very clear at the beginning of a new class, then no or very little compromise. I do similar with the grad students whose thesis work I supervise, some are pretty respectful to start with but others don't seem to have a sense of normal adult boundaries and bombard me with everything, not just stuff related to work. It was a process for me to learn not to engage in that way much unless it directly affects the work and is about their performance/time management. I won't listen to pure vents and their emotional challenges without a good reason. I learned it via making a few mistakes and complicating my life with them.

I also try to take at least one day off (if possible, two days) each week. Not always weekends, but when it is best for my schedule. I keep in my schedule little self care activities that don't take much time but make me relaxed and happy regularly, especially those relating to my body (you mentioned massage, that helps me as well). And I try to divert some of my attention from from diving into my thoughts and feelings so much. When the rumination cycle starts, it can help me to get into taking care of some chores and generally practical things - there is always something that needs attention. But what helps me more than any amount of mental exercise is taking care of my body - something that I am most prone to neglect, especially during times of high anxiety and stress.

I hope you will find a strategy that helps to reduce the stress, it is so very important! You probably know just as well as I do that many people burn out and leave academia for exactly the same reasons that you are experiencing. I have considered it on/off as well throughout my career and currently am thinking about becoming 100% self-employed and focusing on my business full time, for different reasons now but part of it is certainly wanting more autonomy

[sarahsweets]

I mean to mention this before. My husband and I do this together and I do it alone too. I call it the "worst case" game. Here's how it works: Pick a topic you are ruminating on (usually its a stressful or unpleasant topic). So Lets say I am worried for when my daughter gets out of rehab- a very legit concern. Husband I will make eye contact and take turns
"worst case scenario: Me-She leaves rehab-go"
(husband) "She uses drugs again-go!"
(me) "She gets mugged or worst buying drugs"
(H) "She never gets into sober housing"
(M) "She never gets a job"
(H) "She does terrible things to make ends meet"
(M)" she gets arrested"
(H) "She likes jail and commits crime to go back"
And on and on and on until there are no more worst cases I can think of. It really helps to say out loud all the things I worry about rational or irrational. When it is just me I write them down. Its almost like giving your mind permission to stop the ruminating or a shift in gears onto a different topic.

[downandlonely]

I had a hard time in academia because of the flexibility of the schedule. I find it helps me to have a regular 8 to 5 job and to go to bed and wake up early.

Originally Posted by sarahsweets

I mean to mention this before. My husband and I do this together and I do it alone too. I call it the "worst case" game. Here's how it works: Pick a topic you are ruminating on (usually its a stressful or unpleasant topic). So Lets say I am worried for when my daughter gets out of rehab- a very legit concern. Husband I will make eye contact and take turns
"worst case scenario: Me-She leaves rehab-go"
(husband) "She uses drugs again-go!"
(me) "She gets mugged or worst buying drugs"
(H) "She never gets into sober housing"
(M) "She never gets a job"
(H) "She does terrible things to make ends meet"
(M)" she gets arrested"
(H) "She likes jail and commits crime to go back"
And on and on and on until there are no more worst cases I can think of. It really helps to say out loud all the things I worry about rational or irrational. When it is just me I write them down. Its almost like giving your mind permission to stop the ruminating or a shift in gears onto a different topic.

I like this, too and often do my versions. It can really help to discuss it with someone else, preferentially someone who is not as involved in the same situation, to get reality checks. I guess a therapist can be used this way as well.