Did rupture/repair work for you?

Feb 02, 2019, 08:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by susannahsays

I think you can have ruptures without transference. For example, the therapist can do something legitimately or objectively wrong that can provoke a rupture that has nothing to do with transference and everything to do with the transgression.

I'm not disagreeing with you. Yes, if someone acts like an azzhole or tells an insulting joke or whatever, of course. But i'm talking with someone helping me every week and not acting like a jerk, so it's unlikely and is largely because there is no transference.

Glowworm80 · Feb 02, 2019, 10:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by octoberful

My transference is gone, so we don't have ruptures anymore.
.

Can I ask what you mean by it is gone? Did you have intense transference for your therapist before? When and why do you think it subsided? I ask because I have intense ET for my T. I’ve been told it won’t always be that way but I can’t see the end.

Feb 02, 2019, 10:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Glowworm80

Can I ask what you mean by it is gone? Did you have intense transference for your therapist before? When and why do you think it subsided? I ask because I have intense ET for my T. I’ve been told it won’t always be that way but I can’t see the end.

Gone meaning it doesn't exist about 90 percent at this point. I relate to my T as who he is. The attachment feelings are gone, so I feel an adult bond with him rather than the in love feelings or painful needs for soothing and nurturing. (although I do feel some its about 10% now).

Yes, my transference was intense as it gets. I think that having an observing ego and an adequately trained and experienced T allowed me to continue working through it. My T works psychoanalytically, so working through it was the focus of the therapy and the reason it has been resolved. It was the most grueling, difficult work.

Sexual feelings arose quite often for a couple of years. For the most part, they represented very young feelings expressing in an adult body. For example feeling the excitement of my 4 year old self as a child. A little girl feels excitement seeing her father, but with an adult body, the excitement feels sexual.

It took 5 years, but my trauma history is severe. How long have you been at it?

Feb 02, 2019, 11:07 PM

Sorry for all the edits, I always click the post button before I'm finished writing..

Just wanted to say that many times I questioned the utility of it all, but it was worth it. I do however continue to believe working through it with a T who isn't trained and experienced to do it is likely not worth it and can result in worse outcomes. It really is a gamble..

BudFox · Feb 03, 2019, 01:35 PM

Another problem I had with the repair concept... was yet another way the client is encouraged to chase external validation.

Meanwhile the therapist is likely getting high on being in the overlord position and bestowing "corrective emotional experience" upon those in need. Sounds a lot like covert co-dependency.

Many of the forms of "help" therapists offer seem likely to lead to major dysfunction. Examples below. So infantilizing. If this kind of thing occurred outside therapy I imagine many therapists would pathologize it to the hilt.

Helping clients understand themselves and other people.
Helping clients learn to love and accept themselves.
Teaching clients how to effectively resolve emotional, relational and professional conflicts.

Lrad123 · Feb 03, 2019, 02:25 PM

Things have definitely shifted after what I guess I’d consider a rupture when he decided to stop replying to emails after previously responding for about a year. I haven’t quite decided what I think of it all yet. I think he’s generally a nice person, but I vacillate between thinking he’s good and wise vs. he has no idea what he’s doing.

here today · Feb 03, 2019, 02:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BudFox

. . .

Helping clients understand themselves and other people.
Helping clients learn to love and accept themselves.
Teaching clients how to effectively resolve emotional, relational and professional conflicts.

On the other hand it might be interesting if therapists asked for feedback or a customer satisfaction rating on these. Especially "Teaching clients how to effectively resolve emotional, relational and professional conflicts". That's a good one -- tell the person you have a conflict with that you don't have the emotional resources to continue the job, and bail. I give my last T a "Very Dissatisfied" on that, but who's counting.

fille_folle · Feb 03, 2019, 03:38 PM

I've never had a rupture with a T before. It sounds terrifying.

starfishing · Feb 03, 2019, 05:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by susannahsays

I think you can have ruptures without transference. For example, the therapist can do something legitimately or objectively wrong that can provoke a rupture that has nothing to do with transference and everything to do with the transgression.

Completely agree. None of the ruptures I've experienced in therapy were due to transference. Some were significant misunderstandings, some were inadvertent errors, some were just plain old incompetence, but all were gounded in the real relationship and objective interactions between me and the therapist.

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