[SingDanceRunLife]

Hi,

I'm new here. This is my first post.

I'm a 17 year old female, in 11th grade. I have a huge family (3 brothers, 3 sisters and my parents). I'm adopted...And I'm stressed out/possibly becoming depressed.

For the past 3 months or so, I've been having issues with my family, with stress, with school...Whatever. I'm having a really hard time coping. I blow up at my family a lot, cry, feel like a worthless person.

Anyway, that's not at all the point of this post.

The point is that I finally got up the guts to tell my parents how I've been feeling (through a letter, talking to them directly would be way too hard). A lot of what's going on with me is that I feel disconnected with my parents, like I can only talk to them about superficial things...So that was big!

I told them that because I've been feeling this way for awhile, and that because things aren't really improving, I think that I should try therapy, and maybe that would help.

When I woke up this morning, my mom came and talked to me (I posted the letter on the fridge so that my parents would get it when they woke up because it would be before I did, so I wouldn't have to be there when they read it). She said that she would support me in this if it's what I want, but she also questioned me a bit. She wanted to know more of what's going on (I left out a lot in the letter, just getting out the basics was hard enough for me), so I tried to explain the best I could.

So anyway, I assume my mom will make some calls this week...But I've got a some questions:

1. So yeah, I'm the one who brought up the subject of getting therapy, but I'm nervous. I have absolutely no idea what I'm getting myself into! Help?

2. How much will my parents be involved in the process? Right now, I want them involved as little as possible because confronting them and sharing stuff with them is extremely uncomfortable right now. That's something that I need to work on.

3. How long would you expect I'll be in therapy? I mean, I guess it doesn't actually matter, I just want a general idea just because I've felt so bad for so long, and all I want is to feel better.

4. How many sessions a week? One, two? In my life lately, there's been a lot that goes on. More days than not aren't so great. More days than not, I end up upset and crying. What I've been doing is calling one of my best friends because he always tries his best to help me out and make me feel better.

Thanks in advance.

[sunrise]

Hi SingDanceRunLife, welcome to PC. That is very brave of you to write the letter and seek help for yourself. It sounds like your mother is concerned and willing to get you the help you want at this time. That is really positive!

I have a 13 and a half year old daughter who is in therapy, so I can share a little of my experience of my teen aged daughter being in therapy.

Her therapist does not tell me anything they talk about. It is completely confidential and she has made sure my daughter knows that, so she can feel secure about sharing when they meet. (However, if my daughter were harming herself or contemplating suicide, the therapist would have to tell me.) Make sure you go over the confidentiality with your T at your first session. In retrospect, I wish my daughter had gone to a family therapist. This person could provide individual therapy to her, but to work on some things, such as better family communication, she could have called in other family members and that would have been so helpful. But this T is not family-trained, so she only sees my daughter individually. Anyway, if you think that at some point you might like to work on family communication issues, you might want to start with a family therapist (but you can also do only individual therapy with a family therapist--it doesn't mean other family members have to be involved, just that there is future potential for that if it is needed).

You can talk to your therapist about how long and often to see her/him. I think to start off, many therapists like to meet weekly with their clients.

If you have a preference about whether your therapist is male or female (many people do), please tell your mom so she can take that into account when she looks for a therapist for you. A good source of recommendations can be your family doctor.

Best of luck to you! Please stop by here and let us know how you are doing.

[SingDanceRunLife]

Thanks.

It was really hard for me to write the letter. Actually, I attempted to do this just the other day, and I did, but it was terrible, and I couldn't give it to them. So, last night, I decided that I had to do it, no excuses. I started, and told myself that there was no turning back.

I really do want change, and that was my driving force.

If I were deciding right now, no way do I want my family to be involved in this. I'm not ready for that, and I think that most of the problem is me anyway. If that ever comes up, we can deal with it then.

We (my mom and I) discussed it a little bit. We agreed on a female therapist because I would feel more comfortable with that. She said that she'll look into things, and she already has a possibility in mind (the therapist that her friend's daughter saw when she was dealing with anorexia).

[SingDanceRunLife]

Alright, so tomorrow is Monday which means that if my mom really is going to make some calls, she can. I want her to get on it, but I don't want to be all like "So Mom, you're gonna get some info today, right?" ya know? That's just weird. How can I make sure that she's actually going to do something this week, and not just sometime?

[sunrise]

I would give her a day, since she is probably very busy Monday after the long holiday weekend (if you are in the U.S.). Tuesday, you could ask her if she will be contacting some potential therapists for you this week.

[SingDanceRunLife]

Alright,

I'll ask my mom about it tomorrow.

I really do hope that she gets started on it! If she doesn't by Wednesday, I might have to do it myself. (If I do start making calls, what in the world would I be doing? I have absolutely no idea!)

[SingDanceRunLife]

My mom said that she would call...But I don't think she's done it yet, and she's not going to be here tomorrow. I'll ask her Friday to do it because I really want it done. It dragging on and on is annoying.

[sunrise]

Sing, what happened? Did you mom make any calls for you?

I'm 26 now, but when I went into therapy for the first time, I was 17-- your age. My parents were not involved in the process of what went on in therapy at all. My therapist kept everything confidential. My mom would sometimes ask me what I talked about in therapy, but I would tell her that it was private. I would be firm with her because privacy wasn't always something that was observed in my family. The only time my mom was involved with what was going on was when I was hospitalized.

I think that it was awesome of you to come forward in a way that yo felt comfortable, to tell your parents that you need help. That was very brave of you.

[SingDanceRunLife]

My mom did make the call.

She first left a message, and then the woman called back today, actually, at a good time, right when my mom was picking me up. My mom asked if she just did eating disorders because she wasn't sure since that's what she knew her for, and she said no, she does a lot of stuff with teenage girls in general.

...So, once we get our schedules worked out, she'll be the one I see, probably some weekday right after school. I mean, of course, it might not work out, but she's going to be the first try. And she sounds nice, so that's a plus. And I don't know if this sounds weird, but I wish I knew what she looked like, you know? Some people look like you can talk to them more than others...

Anyway,

Things are moving forward.

[tulips30]

I'm proud of you sing!!!!! It took alot of maturity to tell your parents what you needed and to see it thru. I really hope you "connect" with your therapist. Just keep in mind that it takes time to build a relationship with anybody. Trust doesn't happen overnight.



tulips

[SingDanceRunLife]

Thanks.

I have no idea when I'll get an update on the T front, but when I do, I'll be sure to post it.

And of course, you won't be missing me around here. I'll be around.