[Lrad123]

I have one more session this coming week before T goes on vacation for a week. We started to talk about it last week and I feel like I’ve already sort of said my goodbye in my mind, so I’m thinking of skipping this week. Last week I had said I wished he could send me an email while on vacation and he basically said he wouldn’t which didn’t come as a surprise and I’m basically ok with. Part of me wishes he would, but I also realize I’d function ok without it and he deserves a vacation without having to think about clients. It would just be nice. He believes we should talk about all of this in person and that the email relationship is enabling something which is why he no longer replies to emails. I tend to to feel more distant a few days after our session and then I feel a bit closer once I see him, but since he’s going on vacation I could avoid another cycle of those yo-yo emotions and just remain more or less distant until he returns. On the flip side, I sort of think that one of my issues in therapy is probably to learn not to avoid feeling emotions, so maybe I shouldn’t run away from this. Curious about people’s thoughts or maybe similar experiences. I know people have all sorts of reactions to their T’s vacations.

[susannahsays]

Hmm. I think it's very interesting that you are planning to skip two sessions prior to the vacation, and also after he declined to email you. I mean, maybe it's as you say, and you feel like you've already said goodbye... But do you honestly think that's what's going on? You're doubling the time without sessions. That seems significant somehow.

[Lrad123]

Originally Posted by susannahsays

Hmm. I think it's very interesting that you are planning to skip two sessions prior to the vacation.

I’d just be missing one session

[Waterloo12345]

Go go go

You may be running before you can be pushed or leaving before you can be left. Been there! I didn't actually not go but I wanted it. I did retreat. We did talk about not wanting to come but otherwise kept it very light.

Or you may be punishing him for not agreeing to email on holiday- which is only really punishing yourself. He's not gonna call and beg you to come to session. Been there too.

That distance thing - do you experience in life that when someone is not there they are effectively gone/don't exist/dead to you? That may be what you are feeling with your t after a few days. Just another manifestation of the insecure attachment gig.

[susannahsays]

Originally Posted by Lrad123

I’d just be missing one session

I thought you moved to twice weekly. But I guess he could be leaving at any time.

[Lrad123]

Originally Posted by Waterloo12345

Go go go

You may be running before you can be pushed or leaving before you can be left. Been there! I didn't actually not go but I wanted it. I did retreat. We did talk about not wanting to come but otherwise kept it very light.

Or you may be punishing him for not agreeing to email on holiday- which is only really punishing yourself. He's not gonna call and beg you to come to session. Been there too.

That distance thing - do you experience in life that when someone is not there they are effectively gone/don't exist/dead to you? That may be what you are feeling with your t after a few days. Just another manifestation of the insecure attachment gig.

I don’t think I’m punishing him for not agreeing to email. If anything I might be punishing myself for asking. Or maybe I’m just trying to show myself and maybe him that I don’t really rely on him all that much. Sort of confusing. For sure there’s some kind of insecure attachment going on - avoidant or maybe fearful avoidant. I’m trying to trust my gut, but also to do the thing that feels the most difficult because, after all, that’s why I’m in therapy. Part of me likes the idea of not going, but maybe that’s the exact reason I should go.

[Lrad123]

Originally Posted by susannahsays

I thought you moved to twice weekly. But I guess he could be leaving at any time.

Yes, you are right, but one week per month I can only go once/week because of a work conflict and this just happens to be that week.