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Always in This Twilight
Member Since Feb 2015
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#21
I'm not sure I see this as trying one last time to get a response from your T--to me it just seems like you're done. I doubt getting an invoice would really *count* as an email response to you. I mean, if he emails saying, "I really hope you won't terminate, please come in and let's talk this through," that would be a response. I can also understand wanting to terminate over email and not in person. If you know you definitely want to terminate and aren't going to change your mind, then what's the point of paying for another session? Or if you're afraid he's going to convince you to stay, and you are just ready to leave.
I hope he believes you. I think if you refrain from sending him anything else, especially since he's out of the office, then he should see it as final. If he thinks you're using it as an excuse to get an email reply, I imagine he might just send you the invoice. And possibly say something like, "I received your termination email, here is your final invoice." and possibly something about your being welcome to return if you wish in the future. |
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underdog is here
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#22
Not getting a response in the form of invoice would seem even better to me. The therapist not sending an invoice is hardly going to hurt the client. I would block the guy's email if was me. Takes the concern out of one day opening up your email and finding something - that I believe would be highly unsatisfying- there.
__________________ Please NO @ Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live. Oscar Wilde Well Behaved Women Seldom Make History - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. |
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SalingerEsme
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Poohbah
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#23
Quote:
Also, if the person has decided to terminate then the T really can't convince anyone to stay. Ok, maybe "anyone" is not correct - maybe there are people who would find difficult to leave, even if they wanted to. But the OP does not seem like one of those people. They have repeated many times that they are very independent person and my guess is that if they really thought that this treatment is totally useless then it would be very difficult for any T to convince them otherwise. I'm just very interested to see what comes out of it. Even it the OP indeed terminates (even if only accidentally because the T does not let themselves to be manipulated and the OP cannot swallow their pride in order to go back) I think the whole treatment has not been useless - the total independence barriers have been broken and it's not possible to establish them again to the same state they were before starting that therapy. |
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unaluna
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underdog is here
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#24
Don't let the therapist be in control. I would not go back to this one. There are plenty of therapists in the sea. Find one who works the way you want if therapy is something you think will help you.
I believe in quitting by email or letter or phone message. I don't believe in paying them to tell them I am quitting. I had no need to discuss it. It was not up for voting. I decided when to be done with those people and simply did it. __________________ Please NO @ Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live. Oscar Wilde Well Behaved Women Seldom Make History - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. |
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#25
I am glad you explained it this way. I guess my confusion lies in emailing at all...written word is never as good as a phone call or session. Its very hard to become independent and practice skills you are presumably learning in therapy if you can email whenever you want. Personally if I was the therapist I wouldn't allow emails or texts for anything other than scheduling. And if email was allowed to be sent by the client I would set up an auto reply and not respond until we next talked.
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Poohbah
Member Since Sep 2016
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#26
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Sure, a therapist can decide to not use email for anything else than scheduling. That just means that they are not suitable therapist for some populations. I suppose that's fine. |
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koru_kiwi, LonesomeTonight
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Magnate
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#27
If it's over, then it's over. I dont see the point of a goodbye session except if the client feels they need closure and if op doesnt then that is their call.
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here today, koru_kiwi, LonesomeTonight
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Legendary Wise Elder
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#28
I used to believe that a termination session was necessary until I terminated with a T over the last Summer. The termination session was the worst session out of the four that we had. I was definitely left nonplussed. If I had it to do over, I'd totally just quit via text. Save me some money and forget that crap.
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LonesomeTonight
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LonesomeTonight
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Always in This Twilight
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#29
Quote:
With both ex-T and ex-MC, I basically terminated at the end of my last session with them. With ex-T, I didn't necessarily intend to terminate permanently, but I just told her at the end of a session that I was taking a break and seeing a different T for a bit saying that I'd either come back regularly or at least do a termination session. I never went back, realizing if I did a termination session, it would be for her, not me. With ex-MC, I'd been debating termination for a few months, then in the last couple minutes of the session, I said I felt we needed to terminate (I'd discussed it with H before). I imagine we could have come back for a formal termination session, but didn't see the point. Current T said that true "termination sessions" are fairly rare in his experience, that often a client will come in, then at the end of the session just say, "OK, so this was my last session." Or they'll cancel and not reschedule. |
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SlumberKitty
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SlumberKitty
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Grand Poohbah
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#30
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circlesincircles, Echos Myron redux, koru_kiwi, LonesomeTonight, NP_Complete, stopdog
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Magnate
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#31
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Poohbah
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#32
I see no point in taking sentences out of their contexts. I wrote a long post to explain my thinking but you just take one sentence out of it in order to completely distort the meaning of everything I wrote. Way to go!
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unaluna
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#33
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Another lifes experience. We can't know what's right or wrong until we do it. |
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#34
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I would be surprised if there wasn't an element of calling his bluff/manipulation in this decision. But I also believe the other reasons too. The OP had had enough and part of her wants to move on. It seems to me to be a mixed bag of feelings. Complex. As it usually is with humans |
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Poohbah
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#35
Quote:
Also, well-intentioned responses are always welcome whether they are sarcastic or not, and whether I agree with them or not. FWIW, I asked my T to send my final invoice via snail mail and not email, so for that particular matter, I wasn’t trying to get an email out of him. Who knows what crazy tricks my unconscious is playing on me though. |
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LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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koru_kiwi
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#36
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Your post resonates with some of my own experience and my thought is.... What does him responding to your emails mean to you? I think you need to look beyond the surface and ask yourself what am I really needing/wanting here? Last edited by Anonymous49675; Feb 15, 2019 at 06:12 PM.. |
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underdog is here
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#37
I think one should find a therapist that operates in the way one wishes. There are lots of them out there and it is possible to find those who will respond. It is also possible that therapy is just not the thing for right now.
__________________ Please NO @ Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live. Oscar Wilde Well Behaved Women Seldom Make History - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. |
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SlumberKitty
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Poohbah
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#38
Quote:
Ok well, thanks for asking the question, I guess. Maybe by replying to your question I might have a little better understanding. I’m open to anyone else’s interpretations because apparently I’m pretty slow at figuring these things out. |
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Anonymous56789, LonesomeTonight
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koru_kiwi
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Poohbah
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#39
Yeah, you make a ridiculous amount of sense, but it feels more complicated than that. I’m quite good at being sensible and logical and doing the “right” thing, but for me, therapy has been about trying to understand what I don’t understand and maybe giving into something that feels weird and different and scary. At this point in my life, that’s what I’m drawn to, for better or for worse. It might end up driving me crazy though.
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AustenFan
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#40
Quote:
Perhaps you are finding a bit of that here? You are now swinging further to the otherside. Somewhere in between would be ideal but easier said than done! Instead off just ripping 'the pacifier away', it should be an on going discussion. How do you feel? How does he feel? Finding out these answers surrounding the emails could be extremely telling. Merely taking it away is probably not helpful in therapy |
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koru_kiwi, LonesomeTonight
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