How to help yourself if you're borderline

Have you tried diet and exercise?
You can start by eliminating dairy, wheat, sugar and see if that helps your mood
.
Are you getting sleep?

I would try supplements.

Throw away some of the meds and start over with your doctor. Sometimes more can be worse.

I read people grow out of BPD when they reach 40-50, not sure if that's the case for everyone.

Here's some information you could try out. I wouldn't expect miracles, but I think food and supplements can have a great impact on well-being and are often overlooked for treatments.

You also sound "wired", high strung, or hypervigilant. I wonder why that is?
Some here report taking Latuda but not sure if that's available in your nation.

Table 2 Antidepressant Foods

Antidepressant foods: An evidence-based nutrient profiling system for depression

I saw new doc today.
She said I need to take antipsychotics and mood stabilizer but not antidepresants.
She said Im not just borderline but she thinks Im bipolar too.
From one session she can't be sure about diagnosis but she said it sounds like bipolar.

You do sound like you have mixed states. There's also a consensus from multiple sources that adding an antidepressant to a mood stablizer does not provide benefits--the doctor who prescribed that may not be up to date on medications. I think you have a better informed doctor. Hope it helps you get better soon.

Yes she said that it's not ok to mix antidepresants with mood stabilizers, it suprised me because usually docs prescribed me that combination.
New doc said that she thinks I will get better. Its not easy to believe when all other docs were said that it's my personality and I can't change it.
I'm looking pessimistic to my new medication therapy but okay, I will try.
Im so sick of being on meds, I hope I won't need them soon.

Think about the diet and sleep hygiene too...it can really impact your moods. Also seeing an endocrinologist to rule out things like thyroid or adrenal can be worthwhile.

I only take medications here and there but learned to be my own advocate. Although it is a lot of guessing, having updated knowledge can make a difference. Though not an official source of evidence, here's a really great summary:

Psychopharmacology

It also mentions Zyprexa as a good AP augmentation for mixed states though many others are used.

You sound so wired and distressed, it's almost as I can feel it when I read your words. I get angry when I see people on so many medications and believe most people should never be on more than 3--I doubt even the best doctor in the world knows what effect is coming from what drug and think it is laziness to prescribe so many, it kind of is like throw everything and see what sticks. But so very common (at least here in the US it is). And your doctor is not the only one to prescribe mood stabilizers with ADs, I see it all the time. Take care.

ps don't feel bad about not having positive effects of meds. Like this states, antidepressants for one, only 7% of people when evaluating over a year.

-Utilizing the original HRSD tool and counting all patients who entered study, initial remission rate was 25% and cumulative remission rate was 38%.
-7.1% remission rate for those who stayed in study up to 12 months. This is an undisputed number.

Thank you, I know that eating and vitamins has big influence on physical and also psychological health.

She put me on cariprazine, she said it's very new med which helps very good if you have schizophrenia or bipolar disorder.
I have also 4 other meds and I need to stop taking SSRI.

Beware of fish oil.

I recently started a high dose of krill based fish oil, and the agitation is so bad it feels like one of those metal cheese graters on my brain. Fish oil seems to have negative side effects for some:

Insomnia and exacerbation of anxiety associated with high-EPA fish oil supplements after successful treatment of depression

Fish Oil Causing Depression or Anxiety? Consider Acetylcholine. - Mental Health Daily

I can't find any real studies on this but this seems to happen to other people. I wish psychiatrists actually could help with this kind of stuff. It gets old to hear "ask your doctor" but they never know anything.