[lunatic soul]

Doc said it can't be healed because its my being.
Ups and downs are torturing me in never-ending circle.

I know that there is DBT therapy but not in place Im living.
I see current T for year, she helped me but no one can help when its about being high to really down.
I started to have panic attacks and suicidal ideas and wishes, I almost called emergency to take me to psych hospital.
I told here months ago I had romantic relationships with my ex T/doc. I called him and he told me not to go in hospital but he prescribed medication. I didn't take medication for few months, he put me on SSRI and it got worse, I had panic attacks all the time and hypomanic symptoms. at nights I had fever. I took antipsychotics because I felt I will lose my mind, I couldn't eat, sleep.

I think its useless to take medication because it makes so many side effects (anxiety, pain attacks, nightmares, hypomania when you feel like on stimulants but not happy)

I would like to talk to someone who has borderline personality disorder.
Is any of you are free from this or getting better?

I have tried lots of medications, I don't believe in them.

I believe that therapy can help but how?
Im not in progress or if I am then I get back to where I started.

Maybe hypnosis? Untraditional therapy?

[piggy momma]

BPd is a personality disorder and as such, you are never “cured” but with a lot of work you can definitely get better. Meds don’t help BPD in itself; they can help comorbid symptoms but BPD is more about thoughts and emotions and not biological processes.

If you can’t access DBT maybe try CBT? I’m BPD and I’ve never done DBT and don’t really have any desire to. I think a really skilled CBT therapist can do just as good a job.

Whatever you do don’t self-medicate. And if you really want some relief from your symptoms you are definitely looking at some intensive therapy. And if you ever feel unsafe definitely go to emerg.

Hi lunatic soul

I am sorry that you are having these issues. I also have been labeled BPD. There is light at the end of the tunnel, and it isn't an oncoming train. But you need to find better help.

First; stop talking to your ex T/Doc. In my mind, he needs to be reported and fired. A counselor needs to control himself and refuse romantic relationships with patients.

Second; you need to talk with your doctor and start taking your medication. I am a ER Surgical Intern and I still take medication. Medication brings to my life hope and freedom from losing my balance. It gives me strength and allows me to work and function in the world. Yes, medication has side effects and you need to be upfront with your doctor and he/she should work with you to find the balance that you so badly.

Psychopharmacology can sometimes be a guessing game. (Some say it is a science but it is a science with holes in it.) What works for me may never work for you. But a good doctor will work with you and make changes until they and you figure it out.

I would be happy to chat with you on this. We can meet in a private room in the chat if you would like too. Just send me a message.

Raven

[FriendlyJoe]

I'm 38 and I'm still the same person. But i have learned to live with it the best I can. I'm also bipolar 1 along with BPD. I'm always up to try new things as I'm open to anything especially if it betters myself.

Talking to others with the same lifestyle does help. I've been doing that for awhile now. Listening to music helps me relax but In the end i still have my extreme lows and highs. That's just who I am.

Hang in there and talk with others like yourself.

[ChickenNoodleSoup]

From what I have heard from others, while it's not really possible to get completely rid of all the issues, it's possible to learn to handle them well enough that you usually don't even notice it's there. This is a lot of work, but not something that's out of reach.

DBT is not the only thing that can help. My T uses a combination of psychodynamic elements (transference focused therapy, developed to help with BPD) and some DBT. My T isn't trained in DBT, but he still has some knowledge about it. Maybe it would be possible for your T to read up on it a bit to maybe teach you some new tools that you can use?

I find that I'm slowly making progress and getting better. There's days that are bad and then there's good days. I feel I can manage my emotions more, and if things get out of hand at least I notice and know what skills I can use to calm myself down. I personally take meds, but they don't help with the BPD part, they help me to manage my anxiety. Medication is certainly not necessary in order to get better.

[MoxieDoxie]

Parts integration, IFS, EGO state therapy seemed to be what really helped MY BPD. Yeah it took 6 years of therapy but it has been tamed. Not gone but tamed. The roller coaster ride of emotions are more of the kiddie ride in the amusement park compared to the most scariest ride.

Not one therapist would ever say BPD was it was my being or I was so broken to the core I could not get better. That is so wrong it was said to you. What a shame.

Yes I still struggle but my best adult self is in the drivers seat more often and I do not fall back to self harm or the constant need for attention from T. Even though at the moment I am keeping myself from emailing him and letting him know I am self medicating with alcohol. LOL oh dear I do still struggle when life is throwing me curve balls.

[koru_kiwi]

have you looked into neurofeedback? it helped me calm many of my symptoms (including my anxiety and emotional dysregulation) of CPTSD and DID, which there tends to be a lot of overlap with BPD. if you do consider NFB, look for a practitioner who is familiar with Sebern Fisher's NFB protocols for healing developmental trauma.

Sebern Fisher

[lunatic soul]

Originally Posted by CallMeRaven

Hi lunatic soul

I am sorry that you are having these issues. I also have been labeled BPD. There is light at the end of the tunnel, and it isn't an oncoming train. But you need to find better help.

First; stop talking to your ex T/Doc. In my mind, he needs to be reported and fired. A counselor needs to control himself and refuse romantic relationships with patients.

Second; you need to talk with your doctor and start taking your medication. I am a ER Surgical Intern and I still take medication. Medication brings to my life hope and freedom from losing my balance. It gives me strength and allows me to work and function in the world. Yes, medication has side effects and you need to be upfront with your doctor and he/she should work with you to find the balance that you so badly.

Psychopharmacology can sometimes be a guessing game. (Some say it is a science but it is a science with holes in it.) What works for me may never work for you. But a good doctor will work with you and make changes until they and you figure it out.

I would be happy to chat with you on this. We can meet in a private room in the chat if you would like too. Just send me a message.

Raven

My exT/doc is now my current doc but I realized that he sees me not who I am but who he thinks I am. He can't handle my emotions, Im thinking of going to another doc.

What medication are you taking? Just interesting.
If I take medication or if I don't take there is no difference so it seems helpless. I have tried so many medications in my life but nothing ever helped me except illegal which lead me to abuse and ended up in hospital.

[lunatic soul]

Originally Posted by ChickenNoodleSoup

From what I have heard from others, while it's not really possible to get completely rid of all the issues, it's possible to learn to handle them well enough that you usually don't even notice it's there. This is a lot of work, but not something that's out of reach.

DBT is not the only thing that can help. My T uses a combination of psychodynamic elements (transference focused therapy, developed to help with BPD) and some DBT. My T isn't trained in DBT, but he still has some knowledge about it. Maybe it would be possible for your T to read up on it a bit to maybe teach you some new tools that you can use?

I find that I'm slowly making progress and getting better. There's days that are bad and then there's good days. I feel I can manage my emotions more, and if things get out of hand at least I notice and know what skills I can use to calm myself down. I personally take meds, but they don't help with the BPD part, they help me to manage my anxiety. Medication is certainly not necessary in order to get better.

I told my T about DBT at last session, I hope she read about it, if no I will tell her about it.
I don't want to change my T, I see her for year and we have good and therapeutic relationship but she is not CBT. she has helped me me a lot but I can't change my borderline being, I know what I should act but knowing and realizing what you know is different things. Im trying but then something breaks me and first thing I want to do when Im broken is abuse drugs. Now I don't do it.

[ScarletPimpernel]

If you're aware of your behavior, that's the first step. When I notice that I want to act out, I'll tell my T exactly what I feel like doing. So if I want to push her away, or test her, or am feeling clingy, instead of acting on it, I tell her. She then helps me through whatever is. Hopefully, over time, I'll learn how to redirect my impulses on my own. And I have been able to. I know better than to act out now. Though sometimes I still need T's help.

If you're struggling with SH, I found that tattooing those areas help. I haven't SH in almost 4 years (come May). Instead of SH, I look at the beautiful artwork which reminds me that I'm beautiful and loved. Plus, you don't want to ruin someone's art!

DBT and CBT, especially challenging your thoughts, is very helpful. DBT also incorporates mindfulness and a ton of coping skills.

Medication helps for all the comorbid illnesses like depression, anxiety, ptsd, etc. I take a SSRI for depression, an anti-anxiety for anxiety, a mood stabilizer, and a anti-psychotic for SH and SUI thoughts, and another med for ptsd nightmares.

[sarahsweets]

I am not borderline but my son's ex girlfriend is. When things were good she took medication and went to therapy. I think medication can really help with some of the symptoms of BPD.

[lunatic soul]

Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel

If you're aware of your behavior, that's the first step. When I notice that I want to act out, I'll tell my T exactly what I feel like doing. So if I want to push her away, or test her, or am feeling clingy, instead of acting on it, I tell her. She then helps me through whatever is. Hopefully, over time, I'll learn how to redirect my impulses on my own. And I have been able to. I know better than to act out now. Though sometimes I still need T's help.

If you're struggling with SH, I found that tattooing those areas help. I haven't SH in almost 4 years (come May). Instead of SH, I look at the beautiful artwork which reminds me that I'm beautiful and loved. Plus, you don't want to ruin someone's art!

DBT and CBT, especially challenging your thoughts, is very helpful. DBT also incorporates mindfulness and a ton of coping skills.

Medication helps for all the comorbid illnesses like depression, anxiety, ptsd, etc. I take a SSRI for depression, an anti-anxiety for anxiety, a mood stabilizer, and a anti-psychotic for SH and SUI thoughts, and another med for ptsd nightmares.

I agree, tattoos help to not do SH. I did one months ago on my cuts, yes I have thoughs of cutting myself but I know I wont do cuts on other places on my body. Its good suggestion.

Doc prescribed me SSRI and mood stabilizer and benzos and z-drug for sleep. I got mania. I couldn't eat, sleep, even sit. I cleaned my house every day, doing everything just not to sit in peace because if I stopped to do something active, I had panic attack. I was afraid that it can lead to psychosis so I took antipsychotic at night, it really helped me but I still woke up three times at night and had fever like symptoms.
This hell lasted for three weeks, I had conflict with my doc/ex lover so I couldn't discuss my therapy, I sweared myself not to call him but I dod, he didn't answer to my calls. Sure it was mistake to ask psychiatric help to him, but he is jealous if I go to another doc. My current T told me thousand times that he can be my friend, lover etc but he can't be my doc. Now I see why. He has delusions about me.

I want to stop taking SSRI because I think it wasn't normal what happened because of this medication. I will call another doc tomorrow but I hope that I won't damage my brain if I took SSRI for three weeks and then stop.
I told my doc that I had mania when I took SSRI before and then horrible depression, depression which is after mania is the worst one. He didn't think it's a reason not to take antidepresants saying Im not bipolar.

[SalingerEsme]

I am so sorry for all your suffering, and that ups and downs are torturing you. Is there a chance you have Bipolar instead of BPD? They have such different treatment protocols. Antipsychotics like Seroquel are not typical for BPD. Could you see another really great Pdoc who can look at your case with fresh eyes? Neurofeedback is a nontraditional treatment that helps me. It does seem like the correct low doses of the right medications could give you a chance to stabilize. I am sorry you are hurting so much. It vividly comes through your post, and I hope you find the right person to help you. The hospital might help find the right medications that help way more than have side effects?

Originally Posted by lunatic soul

Doc said it can't be healed because its my being.
Ups and downs are torturing me in never-ending circle.

I know that there is DBT therapy but not in place Im living.
I see current T for year, she helped me but no one can help when its about being high to really down.
I started to have panic attacks and suicidal ideas and wishes, I almost called emergency to take me to psych hospital.
I told here months ago I had romantic relationships with my ex T/doc. I called him and he told me not to go in hospital but he prescribed medication. I didn't take medication for few months, he put me on SSRI and it got worse, I had panic attacks all the time and hypomanic symptoms. at nights I had fever. I took antipsychotics because I felt I will lose my mind, I couldn't eat, sleep.

I think its useless to take medication because it makes so many side effects (anxiety, pain attacks, nightmares, hypomania when you feel like on stimulants but not happy)

I would like to talk to someone who has borderline personality disorder.
Is any of you are free from this or getting better?

I have tried lots of medications, I don't believe in them.

I believe that therapy can help but how?
Im not in progress or if I am then I get back to where I started.

Maybe hypnosis? Untraditional therapy?

[lunatic soul]

Originally Posted by SalingerEsme

I am so sorry for all your suffering, and that ups and downs are torturing you. Is there a chance you have Bipolar instead of BPD? They have such different treatment protocols. Antipsychotics like Seroquel are not typical for BPD. Could you see another really great Pdoc who can look at your case with fresh eyes? Neurofeedback is a nontraditional treatment that helps me. It does seem like the correct low doses of the right medications could give you a chance to stabilize. I am sorry you are hurting so much. It vividly comes through your post, and I hope you find the right person to help you. The hospital might help find the right medications that help way more than have side effects?

I have diagnose BPD for 8 years. My current T says Im bipolar but she is not doc. Doc says Im not bipolar.
I think Im not bipolar because my mood switches too fast, I feel high and then down, it can happen in one day.
I read that if you are bipolar you feel high for at least month. I can feel like this but if someone hurts me I fall down and want to die. Im very unstable. When Im high Im not happy. I feel like on drugs. This period is over, I feel like myself but I don't feel ok at all.

I didn't hear about neurofeedback. I can google about it.

I take SSRI, mood stabilizer, benzos and typical antipsychotics. I take medication only for three weeks and it made everything worse.

[Waterloo12345]

Does Cptsd resonate?

[lunatic soul]

Originally Posted by Waterloo12345

Does Cptsd resonate?

Sorry I didn't understand what you mean.. :/

[ScarletPimpernel]

With borderline, you don't really experience mania. I agree with the other poster that it sounds like bipolar. Now, you could have both borderline and bipolar.

Borderlines have an intense fear of abandonment, black and white/all or nothing thinking, impulsive, issues finding their identity, and sometimes (but not always) SH. Typically, there is trauma in early childhood. I like to think of borderline as being emotionally delayed. A lot of times, people with borderline are emotionally behind in age. So you could be 30 and have the emotional maturity of a teenager. Or 20 and feel like a child.

Good news about borderline is it gets better over time. You naturally "grow up". With therapy, you can make progress faster. But even without therapy, it will get better.

[Travelinglady]

I think what helped me the most was coming to terms with the anger I felt from my childhood. And yes, medication to help keep me calm.

[lunatic soul]

Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel

With borderline, you don't really experience mania. I agree with the other poster that it sounds like bipolar. Now, you could have both borderline and bipolar.

Borderlines have an intense fear of abandonment, black and white/all or nothing thinking, impulsive, issues finding their identity, and sometimes (but not always) SH. Typically, there is trauma in early childhood. I like to think of borderline as being emotionally delayed. A lot of times, people with borderline are emotionally behind in age. So you could be 30 and have the emotional maturity of a teenager. Or 20 and feel like a child.

Good news about borderline is it gets better over time. You naturally "grow up". With therapy, you can make progress faster. But even without therapy, it will get better.

Your texts about BPD describes me.
My T who is not doc says Im bipolar, none of docs think Im bipolar, I asked it three times or more.
I have SSRI induced mania. Honestly I don't know how people acts when they are manic, Im not in good mood all the time, it switches from euphoric to disphoric, its never normal. I am really tired of this and meditation doesn't help. I was in meds for half year, I still had ups and downs, I took 300-400 mg Lamictal which is almost overdose but it didn't help me.
It seems useless to take meds because it never stabilized my mood. I will see another doc but I think if meds don't help then it's not way to health.
I feel hopeless very often because years come and go but mental health stays the same, nothing good.
Docs say therapy may be only help. Friends say I don't have progress in therapy.

I am sure that people here are well meaning, but please don't listen to strangers on the internet regarding your diagnosis. No one here can diagnose you and in many ways your actual diagnosis is irrelevant; how you manage your symptoms will have the most positive impact on your life.

[susannahsays]

There is no specific medication used for BPD, it just treats any symptoms you're experiencing. DBT is considered the gold standard of treatment for BPD. Many people with BPD do experience rapid mood changes that sometimes resemble bipolar disorder. The way you can tell the difference is that mood changes in bipolar disorder do not respond to changes in situation. Someone with BPD might be triggered to the depths of depression one moment by something bad happening, and experience euphoria the next when something really great happens.

[Waterloo12345]

Originally Posted by lunatic soul

Sorry I didn't understand what you mean.. :/

My bad. There is a lot of diagnostic overlap with BDP and CPTSD and lots of misdiagnosis of the two as well as rapid cycling bipolar at least in the UK.

The rapid mood changes are also a feature of complex post traumatic stress disorder.

There is a good sub reddit on cptsd that may give you some insights.

[granite1]

Originally Posted by koru_kiwi

have you looked into neurofeedback? it helped me calm many of my symptoms (including my anxiety and emotional dysregulation) of CPTSD and DID, which there tends to be a lot of overlap with BPD. if you do consider NFB, look for a practitioner who is familiar with Sebern Fisher's NFB protocols for healing developmental trauma.

Sebern Fisher

she was my T for quite a few years

[koru_kiwi]

Originally Posted by granite1

she was my T for quite a few years

i met her (and her husband) when hubby and i went to a weekend neurofeedback training seminar she hosted for a small group at the clinic of my NFB practitioner. it was at a time when she was visiting my country with Bessel van Der Kolk for a big truama conference. it definitly was a unique opportunity and an interesting weekend hanging out with my NFB T, Sebern and the other practitioners from various backgrounds.

Originally Posted by Waterloo12345

There is a lot of diagnostic overlap with BDP and CPTSD and lots of misdiagnosis of the two as well as rapid cycling bipolar at least in the UK.

The rapid mood changes are also a feature of complex post traumatic stress disorder.

There is a good sub reddit on cptsd that may give you some insights.

yes, i also agree with what Waterloo said, it's definitly worth looking into CPTSD and even into developmental truama. many clients are wrongly diagnosed with BPD because CPTSD is not a formally recognised in the DSM (yet) as a disorder. the truama researchers, like Bessel van Der Kolk and Judith Herman, have been trying to get it recognised.

i strongly recommend that you read Bessel's book 'The Body Keeps the Score'. he talks about this very issue in it and also discusses other treatments that are evident to be better for dealing with complex truama than just using talk therapy and/or pharmaceuticals. in my opinion, it's a must read for anyone who is struggling from early child hood truama and neglect and who are struggling to move forward from their traumas using the traditional mental health methods.

The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma - Kindle edition by Bessel van der Kolk MD. Health, Fitness & Dieting Kindle eBooks @ Amazon.com.

[lunatic soul]

Thanks for explaining about CPTSD, I will read about it.
I think most of us suffer because of trauma in childhood but maybe Im wrong. I talked about my trauma with current t, she helped me understand how it influenced me and relationship to others. But knowing is not being healed.

It would be great if I could live without meditation and help myself with only therapy but it's hard to control myself, impulses and also behavior, sometimes I need some medication to calm myself and protect myself from stupid or dangerous behavior.
I can't get out if this for years and it makes me feel hopeless.