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#41
Felt a little sad when you cancelled. I'd rather see you tend to your family, but I was really looking forward to seeing you today since I'm really struggling with a situation and needed to talk with you about it..
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Amyjay, atisketatasket, LonesomeTonight, Out There, SlumberKitty
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Always in This Twilight
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#42
Dear T,
Accepting your caring is really scary... Love, LT |
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Anonymous56789, atisketatasket, DP_2017, ElectricManatee, Out There, SlumberKitty
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Member
Member Since May 2018
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#43
Still miss you. Waiting sucks.
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Anonymous56789, atisketatasket, ElectricManatee, Lemoncake, LonesomeTonight, Out There, SlumberKitty
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...............
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#44
That went better than expected. Lots of worries that it will be a one session wonder. I do feel like you were more here with me today than you have been lately. I still don't like that you won't acknowledge any thing coming from you. Maybe (hopefully) you'll at least examine it.
I do still love you; however, loving someone is not always enough nor the right reason to stay involved with that person. |
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Anonymous56789, atisketatasket, ElectricManatee, Lemoncake, LonesomeTonight, Out There, SlumberKitty
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Anonymous45127
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Magnate
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#45
I was reading about intermittent reinforcement, like slot machines that keep you coming back and throwing money away, all for that one time you win and it feels so good.
And I thought about the money I pay you and the 100 mile round trip I do every week just to see you. And I thought about the way you responded to me last session, as though you didn't understand or care, and how I'm always sitting there waiting for that amazing feeling when you actually do seem to understand and care, even though you can't provide it consistently. And I was thinking, is this why I dutifully go and put myself through this every week? Just in the hope you will do or say something that will make me feel you care? Is this simply inadvertent operant conditioning? |
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ElectricManatee, Elio, Lemoncake, LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty, WarmFuzzySocks
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Anonymous45127
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Roses are falling.
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#46
I don't think I can face you.
__________________ "Love, like life, flows Through the heart. Feel the thrill of the flow And say nothing." |
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Anonymous43207, Echos Myron redux, Elio, LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty, WarmFuzzySocks
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#47
My feelings about you have changed quite a bit over the last 2 weeks... Oh I still love you don't get me wrong. But.
Need? Nope. Not anymore. Last edited by Anonymous43207; Mar 01, 2019 at 01:29 PM.. |
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Elio, SlumberKitty
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Tweaky Dog
Member Since Aug 2011
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#48
Today I was proactive, so why do I feel like I suck?
Yes, accepting the prescription feels like using a sledgehammer to crack a nut, but when I'm in that space where I can't think, I can't work. __________________ 'Somewhere up above the great divide Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few A man can see his way clear to the light 'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin |
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Elio, LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jul 2018
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#49
Dear T: See you tonight! Kit
__________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA |
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Elio
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Legendary Wise Elder
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#50
Dear Former T: Miss you so much! But I'm trying not to text you to tell you that! Kit
__________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA |
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Elio, LonesomeTonight
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Comfy Sedation
Member Since Sep 2012
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#51
I'm sorry I phoned u on your day off but it helped me feel safe to hear your kind voice. thank you. I am doing okay
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atisketatasket, DP_2017, Echos Myron redux, Elio, LabRat27, LonesomeTonight, NP_Complete, Out There, SlumberKitty, WarmFuzzySocks
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Magnate
Member Since Apr 2018
Location: UK
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#52
Sometimes life just seems normal for a moment and I forget what's happening between us. Then I remember again and my stomach drops.
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atisketatasket, Elio, LabRat27, LonesomeTonight, NP_Complete, SalingerEsme, SlumberKitty, WarmFuzzySocks
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Jun 2018
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#53
Thank you for being nice in a not scary/threatening way. And also thank you for not colluding with me in my health related paranoia stuff. And only laughing a little bit in your voice when I say dumb stuff like maybe my arm is going to fall off from an SH injury by C or maybe I have meningitis because my head and neck hurt. If you acted like you took that stuff too seriously, it would probably make me more scared. Those thoughts just happen sometimes when I am injured or sick and don't usually last very long.
I think maybe I want to talk to you more about this stuff though, because I get worried about certain categories of things, and it's kind of disabling when it happens. I am a highly logical person and I don't value emotions much at all. Some people would probably say I don't value emotions enough. But in the categories I'm talking about - when I'm feeling really sick or have a very painful injury, as well as anything to do with my dog - my ability to be rational goes out the window. Actually, those are the only categories I can think of. So it's not like this is just how everybody is - how everyone has their biases and stuff. It's not even really that I become irrational exactly, it's almost like I become temporarily delusional. For example, one of my recurring fears is that my dog will die of a SIDS-like disorder affecting dogs. Or I worry that I will die in a freak accident or from an anyeurism or something and he will be orphaned. I didn't tell you this, but one of the nights I didn't sleep last week was due to this, not yoga trauma. |
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atisketatasket, Elio, LabRat27, LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty, unaluna, WarmFuzzySocks
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Grand Member
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#54
What if I can't make friends here? What do I do then?
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atisketatasket, Elio, LabRat27, LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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Legendary Wise Elder
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#55
I miss my former T. But if I tell you that current T, since I've been seeing you since Sept. won't that make you feel bad? So that's something I can't talk to you about. Kit
__________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA |
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atisketatasket, DP_2017, Elio
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Legendary Wise Elder
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#56
Dear Former T: why do I torture myself with missing you so much? Why did I text you to tell you that I'm missing you so much that I'm crying? And when is this going to stop? (the missing you part). Kit
__________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA |
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atisketatasket, DP_2017, Elio, piggy momma
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Always in This Twilight
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#57
Dear T,
I hope it's OK I sent you the link to that song. If you could just send some quick reply by tomorrow night (no rush!), just saying, 'thanks, I'll check it out' or something, I'd appreciate it. But I don't expect you to listen to it. I should have just played it today in session. I was just scared to. I'm still processing everything. But I've been generally OK. And I've talked to H some about it. So...I think those are good things? Love you, LT |
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Elio, SlumberKitty
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Grand Magnate
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#58
I don't view therapists as interchangeable parts. They're separate people and you had a relationship with your former T. I don't think that will make your current T feel bad. It's totally normal to miss them.
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atisketatasket, Elio, LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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...............
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#59
Hi Dr. S,
I am feeling better today. I want to email you and let you know that I am feeling better. I don't want to intrude after everything I've said. I also feel really bad for making such a fuss of things. I know you thanked me for sharing. Still, some reason it feels bad that I went threw this cycle. I am not sure if I can accept the non-stated response that you have not changed and did nothing to contribute to my change in perception of you. I think I could accept it more if you actually said it. Maybe it's not true and you don't want me to know the truth because me knowing that I affected you in a frustration way might not be good for me at this stage of everything. Anyway, I guess we'll see what Monday brings in terms of interactions. me |
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atisketatasket, LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty, WarmFuzzySocks
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Poohbah
Member Since Mar 2018
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#60
1. The fact that you were still somehow under that impression even though I told you that that wasn't what my doc said makes me feel good. I know it shouldn't. I know it's not a compliment. But it means that based on appearance you find it plausible/likely.
2. Why were you thinking about me/my childhood while shaving this morning?? Do you think about me outside of the office often? Do razors just remind you of me? (Ok, that last part is a joke, but the question still stands) |
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Elio, LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty, WarmFuzzySocks
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