Dear T: I really need to tell you something XXXIX

Omers · Apr 09, 2019 at 10:01 PM

T, I was so happy and excited all day. I am going to have you AND Pdoc... but my joy set my son off and now I am down again. I keep thinking about the hug and how it made me feel. I also keep hearing you tell me “you are really good at disassociation”. Is it Monday yet.

Echos Myron redux · Apr 10, 2019 at 10:39 AM

Nice sesh dude.

Lemoncake · Apr 10, 2019 at 02:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lemoncake

15 days, 12 hours, 7 minutes and 8 seconds...

Day 5 and I'm actually doing okay! Just tired though.

14 days, 13 hours, 28 minutes and 22 seconds.

Apr 10, 2019 at 03:20 PM

Dear T,

When I feel your presence, it calms me down. Thank you.

--EG

Omers · Apr 10, 2019 at 03:25 PM

T, thanks for replying even though your reply doesn’t feel right. I think I am just misreading it because I wanted a different answer. Something shifted when you were away for a week. The hug last session sent the emotions right over the top. I’m sad I don’t know how to connect with you and how to be present with you. I am sad and frustrated I have to wait so long between chances to try again. I bounce from dissociative to hyper vigilant without any rest in between. I want to be in that in between space, that balance spot. I am feeling let down by your reply and angry at myself for feeling let down... but it is all a big circle.

LabRat27 · Apr 10, 2019 at 03:32 PM

How does it make you feel?
Not your thoughts about it. Not your reaction to how I feel about it.
What is your initial personal emotional reaction to the concept itself, before your therapist brain kicks in?

Echos Myron redux · Apr 10, 2019 at 04:35 PM

Oh and your hair is getting long again. You look like Philip Pullman. And I know you will have cut it by the next time I see you. You always do.

susannahsays · Apr 10, 2019 at 06:15 PM

I almost walked out of the session today. You weren't very nice to me there in the beginning.

Elio · Apr 10, 2019 at 09:14 PM

ok, how do I even talk about this splitting that is going on, you know about, I know about it - I can't seem to reconcile it and I'm too embarrassed that it has/is happening.

Why do I have to be so messed up at such a young age? And why can't you just be mommy, letting me live there for a while?

What will you think if I actually do bring in that chair? Can I trust you if I bring it in? I hate this.

susannahsays · Apr 10, 2019 at 09:19 PM

Did you move your chair???

DP_2017 · Apr 10, 2019 at 10:00 PM

I bet as much as you love snow, you are *****ing about this blizzard. I wish i could text and complain about it with you, like we used to

God I miss texts from you. I don't get that happy feeling anymore when I get a text alert.

I miss you like crazy still.

junkDNA · Apr 11, 2019 at 03:04 AM

remember when I texted you "I'm all growed up" and you texted back that that gave u chills s

Echos Myron redux · Apr 11, 2019 at 11:17 AM

I'm in love with you again this week. Sigh.

Lemoncake · 02:20 PM

Day 6

Week 1 is nearly over. I went 30 mins into my normal session time without even realizing it.

I did gym and I was mainly happy today, just stupidly tired.

Possible trigger:

I had forensic pathology though which will be my first exam. The doc was going on about the police cases he worked on but the worst thing was all the photos he showed us. The suicide victims. The wife cut up by her husband. The young kids on the autopsy tables and the dead baby beaten to death.

13 days, 14 hours, 58 minutes and 51 seconds...

LonesomeTonight · Apr 11, 2019 at 01:47 PM

Dear T,
I totally peeked a couple times to make sure you didn't have your eyes open during the 3-minute meditation/breathing thing. And you didn't. Wonder if you checked, too? (Probably not, if you do this daily, like you said.)
Love,
LT

Omers · Apr 11, 2019 at 04:57 PM

T, I hate my brain right now. If I am brave I am going to have a lot to talk about Monday and maybe some strange requests. I want to have you call me and leave me a message telling me you won’t hurt me but I don’t know when you are leaving for the weekend... and honestly, I don’t know how a I would respond to it. Hopefully I will have a new project to show you.

DP_2017 · Apr 11, 2019 at 04:59 PM

Baby T

Ugh stupid winter ruining everything. At least I still can go tomorrow. Hopefully I'm able to get in and read the letter right away instead of wasting time and not getting around to it.

SummerTime12 · Apr 11, 2019 at 06:41 PM

You’re really messing with my head

Dear T: I really need to tell you something XXXIX

piggy momma · Apr 11, 2019 at 06:55 PM

It’s Thursday and I haven’t emailed or texted you yet this week. I guess it’s been a quiet week. I’ll see what I can drum up over the weekend for you

nottrustin · 08:08 PM

T I am really missing you. Today all of a sudden I thought about you and a huge rush of sadness came over me about all the things on life you are not here for. Then my daughter was contacted by my brothers family. You are the only person who truly understands how hard cutting him out of our life has been. He is so toxic for me but has beautiful children. Plus the signs of your presence has stopped.

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Dear T: I really need to tell you something XXXIX

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Echos Myron redux Magnate Member Since Apr 2018 Location: UK Posts: 2,161 6 1,834 hugs given	Apr 10, 2019 at 10:39 AM #782 Nice sesh dude.
	Reply With Quote

Anonymous56387 Guest Posts: n/a	Apr 10, 2019 at 03:20 PM #784 Dear T, When I feel your presence, it calms me down. Thank you. --EG
	Reply With Quote

LabRat27 Poohbah Member Since Mar 2018 Location: CA Posts: 1,009 6 2,354 hugs given	Apr 10, 2019 at 03:32 PM #786 How does it make you feel? Not your thoughts about it. Not your reaction to how I feel about it. What is your initial personal emotional reaction to the concept itself, before your therapist brain kicks in?
	Reply With Quote

Echos Myron redux Magnate Member Since Apr 2018 Location: UK Posts: 2,161 6 1,834 hugs given	Apr 10, 2019 at 04:35 PM #787 Oh and your hair is getting long again. You look like Philip Pullman. And I know you will have cut it by the next time I see you. You always do.
	Reply With Quote

susannahsays Grand Magnate Member Since Jun 2018 Location: Somewhere Posts: 3,355 5 1 hugs given	Apr 10, 2019 at 06:15 PM #788 I almost walked out of the session today. You weren't very nice to me there in the beginning. __________________ Life is hard. Then you die. Then they throw dirt in your face. -David Gerrold
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susannahsays Grand Magnate Member Since Jun 2018 Location: Somewhere Posts: 3,355 5 1 hugs given	Apr 10, 2019 at 09:19 PM #790 Did you move your chair??? __________________ Life is hard. Then you die. Then they throw dirt in your face. -David Gerrold
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DP_2017 Grand Magnate Member Since Aug 2017 Location: A house Posts: 4,412 6 665 hugs given	Apr 10, 2019 at 10:00 PM #791 I bet as much as you love snow, you are *****ing about this blizzard. I wish i could text and complain about it with you, like we used to God I miss texts from you. I don't get that happy feeling anymore when I get a text alert. I miss you like crazy still. __________________ Grief is the price you pay for love.
	Reply With Quote

junkDNA Comfy Sedation Member Since Sep 2012 Location: the woods Posts: 19,301 (SuperPoster!) 11 8,149 hugs given	Apr 11, 2019 at 03:04 AM #792 remember when I texted you "I'm all growed up" and you texted back that that gave u chills s __________________
	Reply With Quote

Echos Myron redux Magnate Member Since Apr 2018 Location: UK Posts: 2,161 6 1,834 hugs given	Apr 11, 2019 at 11:17 AM #793 I'm in love with you again this week. Sigh.
	Reply With Quote

LonesomeTonight Always in This Twilight Member Since Feb 2015 Location: US Posts: 20,768 (SuperPoster!) 9 75k hugs given	Apr 11, 2019 at 01:47 PM #795 Dear T, I totally peeked a couple times to make sure you didn't have your eyes open during the 3-minute meditation/breathing thing. And you didn't. Wonder if you checked, too? (Probably not, if you do this daily, like you said.) Love, LT
	Reply With Quote

DP_2017 Grand Magnate Member Since Aug 2017 Location: A house Posts: 4,412 6 665 hugs given	Apr 11, 2019 at 04:59 PM #797 Baby T Ugh stupid winter ruining everything. At least I still can go tomorrow. Hopefully I'm able to get in and read the letter right away instead of wasting time and not getting around to it. __________________ Grief is the price you pay for love.
	Reply With Quote

SummerTime12 Grand Member Member Since Mar 2013 Location: USA Posts: 876 11 601 hugs given	Apr 11, 2019 at 06:41 PM #798 You’re really messing with my head
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piggy momma Poohbah Member Since Oct 2018 Location: Canada Posts: 1,073 5 70 hugs given	Apr 11, 2019 at 06:55 PM #799 It’s Thursday and I haven’t emailed or texted you yet this week. I guess it’s been a quiet week. I’ll see what I can drum up over the weekend for you
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