[Rive1976]

My counselor says she doesnt have a crystal ball. She says that alot when saying she doesnt know what exactly it is I am dealing with but in the last year I have been seeing her she has diagnosed me with OCD, PTSD, and OSDD, mentioned Borderline, Autism, Bipolar and Attachment disorder. I totally agree with the PTSD and OCD. Its like everytime I talk to her she mentions a new thing. She said everything doesnt have to fit in one category but I am a very black and white thinker. The most frustrating thing right know is my OSDD diagnosis. She said that the random chatter in my head ( off the wall thoughts is OSDD and the thinking bad things are funny is OSDD as well. The more I talk to OSDD people the more I feel I cant relate. So I thought hmmm maybe I am borderline. I relate with them better but not as far as the chatter goes and thinking bad things are funny. So because I dont know what specific disorders I am dealing with I dont feel I am getting anywhere in therapy. I do not do well without therapy and I doubt any other therapist could get any closer to understanding. I feel like I am stuck.

[here today]

How would you describe what you are dealing with? In ordinary language, not DSM? What has therapy done for you so far? What happens when you are without therapy, how is it that you don't do well? Would it be OK with you to keep going to therapy, just to keep things from getting worse? Or are there things you would like to do with your life, or ways you would like your life to be, that you would like therapy to help you with?

[NP_Complete]

This quest for a diagnosis seems to be very distressing to you. I understand you want to put a name to what you're experiencing. I wonder, though, if it might be easier for a while to put the diagnosis on the back burner and just focus on your symptoms and work on getting some relief from your symptoms.

[Rive1976]

I just feel like I am going crazy. I noticed this thing when I was in my 20s where I noticed that I thought horrible things were funny. It isnt a nervous thing. Its a weird kind of evil grin I have. Then I have these random things pop in my head like hey little shroomy, hey pippa, I dont want to get kicked out of here( the group I live in but I am not in danger of that, I dont want to be touched like that, I dont want to die, I am going to cut you( me talking to me in my head etc.) Therapy so far has helped me sort some thingd out but not these issues. When I dont have therapy I feel like I dont have anywhere to vent and sort things out. I have no friends and no family support. I just want to be able to sort everything in therapy to live a more productive life but I am getting no where.

[Rive1976]

Originally Posted by NP_Complete

This quest for a diagnosis seems to be very distressing to you. I understand you want to put a name to what you're experiencing. I wonder, though, if it might be easier for a while to put the diagnosis on the back burner and just focus on your symptoms and work on getting some relief from your symptoms.

I understand that I totally do but when I have a therapist that labels things and treats me for things under a diagnosis I dont know I have it makes it hard. For instance she thinks it would be helpful to talk to my parts. Let them know they are safe etc. when I am not even sure I have parts. I am not saying we couldnt just focus on the symptoms but how when neither one of us know which direction to take its hard. She thinks I need to do one thing while I am like for what if I dont have parts. The relief she is trying to give may not be what I actually need if I diagnosed wrong. Does that make sense?

[Betty_Banana]

You work on symptoms,issues and struggles in therapy you don't treat the diagnosis.It's the person that's being treated not the label.

What diagnosis would you like to have?Which one would appease your obsession with the need to know?

[NP_Complete]

You can tell your therapist that you're not interested in a diagnosis at this point because it is causing you distress and that you do not feel that doing parts work is going to be beneficial at this point in time. You've mentioned that you find some of your thoughts troubling. Surely your therapist can work with you on that topic without having a diagnosis. Or whatever else you are struggling with and want to work on. Betty is right; treat the individual not the diagnosis.

[Omers]

I have CPTSD, Autism and an attachment disorder... if you want to bounce thoughts about those around with someone. Some have thought I may be DID but it has never officially been dx’d and it would be hard with the autism.

[Rive1976]

Originally Posted by NP_Complete

You can tell your therapist that you're not interested in a diagnosis at this point because it is causing you distress and that you do not feel that doing parts work is going to be beneficial at this point in time. You've mentioned that you find some of your thoughts troubling. Surely your therapist can work with you on that topic without having a diagnosis. Or whatever else you are struggling with and want to work on. Betty is right; treat the individual not the diagnosis.

Yes but how she wants to treat my symptoms is in a way that falls under a diagnosis. She wants to do parts work. I mean she has told me labels dont matter only under billing does it matter and she files me under PTSD to make sure she gets paid. The problem is she is not treating my symptoms if she is doing parts work and I dont have parts. If she is saying ok I want uou to talk to your parts. Tell them you are safe. Tell them things you would have liked to hear as a child etc. and I have no parts how is treating my symptoms? She is saying everything I am going through at this very moment is because of parts. She said she didnt care what I called it its all dissociation. I only dissociate in therapy I am dissociating in everyday life.

[Betty_Banana]

The problem is she is not treating my symptoms if she is doing parts work and I dont have parts

I'm too lazy to search right now but I do remember you talking about your parts.So how's that not treating your symptoms?

Why do you keep doing this to yourself Dnester?why do you insist on all this doubting and questioning? It's normal to have questions and doubts but my gosh it's mentally exhausting just reading about all of yours and I can't imagine how draining it is for you.And it has to be having effects on pretty much all other areas of your life.

I would like to see you just try to trust your T a little,let her take the lead for a bit and you go along for the ride.You've said numerous times you're not going to change T's so why not go with the flow for awhile?What have you got to lose? Is fighting every thing she says doing you any good?Are you benefitting in any way?

What if you make the decision to let go and trust her for one day?Like,when you get up tomorrow morning tell yourself "just for today I will trust that my therapist knows what she's doing and I am confident that she can help me" and then do your best to not talk about it,not read about symptoms online,not compare yourself and your experiences with anyone else,don't try to figure out what's wrong with you,don't try to fit your symptoms into any illnesses and just allow yourself to relax a little.

I'm sure it will be hard to do but once you can do it for an entire day and feel what it's like to just "be" and the peace and serenity that comes with it you will want more of that.Or even try half a day and see how that goes.I think it might really help you out and lessen your stress and anxiety and will probably improve other areas of your life too.

[Rive1976]

Originally Posted by Betty_Banana

I'm too lazy to search right now but I do remember you talking about your parts.So how's that not treating your symptoms?

Why do you keep doing this to yourself Dnester?why do you insist on all this doubting and questioning? It's normal to have questions and doubts but my gosh it's mentally exhausting just reading about all of yours and I can't imagine how draining it is for you.And it has to be having effects on pretty much all other areas of your life.

I would like to see you just try to trust your T a little,let her take the lead for a bit and you go along for the ride.You've said numerous times you're not going to change T's so why not go with the flow for awhile?What have you got to lose? Is fighting every thing she says doing you any good?Are you benefitting in any way?

What if you make the decision to let go and trust her for one day?Like,when you get up tomorrow morning tell yourself "just for today I will trust that my therapist knows what she's doing and I am confident that she can help me" and then do your best to not talk about it,not read about symptoms online,not compare yourself and your experiences with anyone else,don't try to figure out what's wrong with you,don't try to fit your symptoms into any illnesses and just allow yourself to relax a little.

I'm sure it will be hard to do but once you can do it for an entire day and feel what it's like to just "be" and the peace and serenity that comes with it you will want more of that.Or even try half a day and see how that goes.I think it might really help you out and lessen your stress and anxiety and will probably improve other areas of your life too.

I just cant get past the fact I feel like I am wasting time. Maybe when I see my old Psychologist I will tell her I dont want to do parts work and just focus on my symptoms and she may give me different more helpful advice. Maybe things will fit more. Its only two months away. She has experience in alot of things not just dissociative disorders.

[Betty_Banana]

Originally Posted by Dnester

I just cant get past the fact I feel like I am wasting time. Maybe when I see my old Psychologist I will tell her I dont want to do parts work and just focus on my symptoms and she may give me different more helpful advice. Maybe things will fit more. Its only two months away. She has experience in alot of things not just dissociative disorders.

Maybe you feeling like you're wasting time is kinda right.But maybe not because your T is completely wrong about everything she says but rather because you are unwilling to actually work with her? How can you expect to make the progress you want if nearly all your time is spent questioning and doubting her?

[here today]

After years and years of therapy that got nowhere I was diagnosed with what is now OSDD (then DDNOS) about 11 years ago by a specialist in trauma and dissociation. I didn't talk to my parts, I just tried to get in touch with them to allow them to "be" in the therapy. They are now just feelings and impulses, that I can choose to act on or not, but it was extremely difficult work. I felt like one of my parts was evil and the work involved getting in touch with a lot of trauma and hurt, too, which was very painful. And left me feeling like a lot of my life had been wasted. Eventually my last T and I hit a snag and she terminated me, but most of the work was done and I have continued it on my own. I had no idea how hard it would be going into it.

If you don't want to do parts work then I would guess that you have a good reason. Maybe now is not the time. Maybe never will be. If you can live with the weird things that pop into your head and thinking horrible things are funny, that's a choice. There are certainly worse things in life. Getting some more information about dissociation and trauma and the difficulties and risks of treatment seems like a good idea to me, no matter what you decide to do eventually. It makes sense to me that you would want to talk it over with the most knowledgeable person on your team. Parts work may be about child parts but dealing with it is definitely not child's play!

[Rive1976]

Originally Posted by Betty_Banana

Maybe you feeling like you're wasting time is kinda right.But maybe not because your T is completely wrong about everything she says but rather because you are unwilling to actually work with her? How can you expect to make the progress you want if nearly all your time is spent questioning and doubting her?

I try to trust her. I go to therapy and have a good session it seems. Then when I get home her suggestions arent helping me because I do my homework. Like last week my homework was to talk to my parts. So I get home do that and I feel like an idiot because I dont get any response back.

[Rive1976]

Originally Posted by here today

After years and years of therapy that got nowhere I was diagnosed with what is now OSDD (then DDNOS) about 11 years ago by a specialist in trauma and dissociation. I didn't talk to my parts, I just tried to get in touch with them to allow them to "be" in the therapy. They are now just feelings and impulses, that I can choose to act on or not, but it was extremely difficult work. I felt like one of my parts was evil and the work involved getting in touch with a lot of trauma and hurt, too, which was very painful. And left me feeling like a lot of my life had been wasted. Eventually my last T and I hit a snag and she terminated me, but most of the work was done and I have continued it on my own. I had no idea how hard it would be going into it.

If you don't want to do parts work then I would guess that you have a good reason. Maybe now is not the time. Maybe never will be. If you can live with the weird things that pop into your head and thinking horrible things are funny, that's a choice. There are certainly worse things in life. Getting some more information about dissociation and trauma and the difficulties and risks of treatment seems like a good idea to me, no matter what you decide to do eventually. It makes sense to me that you would want to talk it over with the most knowledgeable person on your team. Parts work may be about child parts but dealing with it is definitely not child's play!

Yeah, lets just say I do have parts for a minute. I want to be different in many ways. The is though I feel like if I have parts they are there for a reason. Why mess with it?

[here today]

That's a perfectly decent way of looking at it. If you go messing with it, you could end up with something worse than you've got now. It's a very difficult process to go dealing with that. If you don't want to I definitely think there's probably a good reason. Maybe work on some other things first. Investigate it some more. Be sure you're ready, and that that's really the issue. I thought I was ready but even then I went into stuff I had no idea was there. Which is the whole point of dissociation -- it cuts off overwhelming emotion that may be disruptive and difficult to deal with. That causes other issues, like maybe in your case, but it's a trade-off.