[Omers]

My T is awesome and is doing really great work with me. He is super supportive even when he is challenging me or inviting me out of my comfort zone. He is trying to build up my internal resources because I don’t really have a support system any more. He sees me and my needs more than anyone else in my life ever has and is willing/able to try and meet those needs where it is appropriate. Yesterday he took my hand in his hands and held it for a while so I could feel the connection and ground a little before leaving... but then it is 167 hours (this time 335 hrs) of painful contrast until the next session. This SUCKS! My hubby is trying to be supportive but his idea of supportive (I fixed the window on the car while you were with T) doesn’t really feel supportive... and... T called me out on being attracted to neglectful, abusive, controlling men and then lumped my hubby and my father into the same group... I can’t argue with T, he is right... but it makes it even harder to try and focus on the positive things my hubby does do. When I go into work it is full of petty drama with everyone trying to out drama everyone else. I just want to scream over the PA system that no ones pain is any better or worse than anyone else’s... this isn’t a competition! My son is another red hot mess that I cannot even begin to explain (this weekends adventure in parenting a 19 y/o was him literally shredding his mattress by hand down to the springs)...
T is transparent enough with me that I can see some of his quirks and foibles that would drive me crazy outside the context of therapy. So... no delusions of wanting to move in with him or have any kind of relationship with him other than therapy. Hell, there are times I truly feel sorry for his wife... but I am sure she has her quirks too...
Oh to be able to be a hermit between sessions... a cabin in the middle of nowhere just taking care of my needs and my animals needs until the next session. Cooking, quilting, canning, preserving, gardening, foraging... simplicity.

[BudFox]

I found this quite manipulative. The therapist plays a seductive game, with the oh-so-understanding persona, but at end of the hour you're gone and the next customer rolls in, and a similar performance is given, and whatever is stirred up by this process you need to stuff down for the next week, and the therapist's caring goes dormant, until you show up again with credit card at the ready at which point caring is switched on again. And in response to this engineered caring, people who are starved for connection or understanding are bound to regard the therapist as a savior, and become trapped, forever chasing that feeling, even though the therapist is just doing what they are paid to do, which isn't difficult or extraordinary.

This is considered a healthy relationship model.

[Omers]

Originally Posted by BudFox

I found this quite manipulative. The therapist plays a seductive game, with the oh-so-understanding persona, but at end of the hour you're gone and the next customer rolls in, and a similar performance is given, and whatever is stirred up by this process you need to stuff down for the next week, and the therapist's caring goes dormant, until you show up again with credit card at the ready at which point caring is switched on again. And in response to this engineered caring, people who are starved for connection or understanding are bound to regard the therapist as a savior, and become trapped, forever chasing that feeling, even though the therapist is just doing what they are paid to do, which isn't difficult or extraordinary.

This is considered a healthy relationship model.

I have been in therapy for 20 years with 8+ Crappy therapists. Most of them were really good people, who honestly cared... just crappy therapists. Got nothing out of it for all the time and money spent. I got to know a few of them outside of their offices as well as several that I have not worked with. Yes, it is a profession, they are making money for their time and to cover the expenses of insurance, their office, their training and their continuing education. I do not believe in any way, shape or form that they are emotionally prostituting themselves out for a buck at the emotional expense of their clients.
Now, as for my current T... back the F off. I do not have a doubt in my mind that he truly cares about me and my well being. I know that he thinks about me at various points throughout his week when I am not sitting there with my credit card. As someone that worked in the field of business consulting what he does is very similar but with higher stakes, less control, more stress... and he charges $40 more per hour than the company I cunsulted for charged for my time. He has his PhD and maintains a professional license. I have a B.A. and a big mouth. I got to leave my work at the office or in the training room every night. He is regularly available to me via phone or email. Less so when he is on vacation or family time but he is still available for emergencies. To say he does not care is a cynical bag of crap that does no one any good. In the 3 months that I have worked with him I am seeing growth in myself and I am getting positive feedback from those who know me best. His theoretical approach is existential humanistic which allows for him to be more open, real and transparent with me than therapists of other schools of thought. There is some mutuality. However, seeing as this is a goal oriented relationship that is all about me and my needs I think it is fair that he also benefits through payment for his time.

[BudFox]

By "I found this quite manipulative", I meant my experience of the 167 hrs thing, not your situation.

[Omers]

Ok! Sorry for blowing up on you. I have had my share of bad experiences as well.