My T Lied To Me ( for no reason?)

I am so thankful to everyone. I feel much better after processing this here with you. There's no grey area that it is a solid and complete lie with incontrovertible evidence. There's nothing but grey area about why unless I ask. After thinking about the comments here and sitting with it, I do see what Anne means. This was early enough in therapy that the coincidence of our shared experience maybe range some alarm bells for him, because he was trying to educate me about our different roles. Actually, it would have been a very social conversation, and a very social tie as opposed to a therapy relationship involving those "did you know so and so" and "do you remember xyz".

Also, I don't think the person he is now is probably thrilled with these college antics.

I can see constructive reasons for this lie now, but I do remain disturbed by the ease and skillfulness of it, the eye contact that was/is ever-ongoing and so intense. I don't like someone looking into my eyes and lying, even if it is for an excellent reason. Especially since a big topic is trust, and can I learn to trust him as a "corrective experience" ( his term), and be vulnerable enough with a male human to tell the whole story to my SO.

I guess I need to see if it feels like a white lie or a big lie by our next session, and go to work and do real world stuff over the weekend . I don't know how this person became so crucially important - it bother me bc I have a supportive SO and lots of clients and friends of my own, but I am preoccupied with this one person being a kind of safety figure . He is the only person to whom I;ve confided my whole life story, and it bothers me he lies easily bc I wonder if he really IS keeping confidentiality and all the other things he promises.

That would really bother me.

I expect politicians or lawyers to lie through their teeth but I would expect authenticity from my T. Hence, however uncomfortable that would make me feel (and it would), I would bring it up.

If they could lie about something trivial and be such a good liar, it would even make me question the authenticity of our relationship.

I guess it depends on how much it bothers you and if you are able to continue working with him and/or be able to trust him.

If it's that important to you, that is more reason for it to become a therapy topic.

Don't forget, you are only asking a question. (I know that doesn't make fear disappear, but think of perspective.) It can be simply, T-you said this the other day, but back x, I remember you x. Do you really think asking a question could lead to termination? Think about that...

It may not be a big deal to him at all, then all this fretting and guessing for nothing. Good luck and hugs!

(edit - I hope my posts don't come off dismissive. These discussions were daily in my therapy as we worked through such transference projections but he never got offended of such things like T, i feel really scared you are going to turn into a monster like X, T, i feel really scared you are pretending or trying to trick me like X, etc. ...so trying to put myself in your shoes )

Am I thinking of someone else, or did he lie to you about something before? Like saying he liked dogs when he hates them, iirc?

If it’s a pattern, and it’s a pattern for no good reason, you’d have to decide how much it affects you. I know you like him, but talking about clients on social media and lying to them doesn’t suggest professional or boundaried, so the question is really whether he is worth it.

Here’s hoping it turns out well for you.

Wow. you have an amazing memory. Yes that did happen.

Yes, I really put a lot of investment and attachment into this relationship, and he is my first therapist. He feels familiar to me, bc we are the same age . He is funny, and sensitive, and really takes a huge responsibility for dealing with my case when he has a full practice and could replace me with a much easier client. I do feel like he works hard to help me and like he reaches me in an important way. But yes, this stuff is troubling.

I didn't know that was him, sorry. .

To add to ATATs point, this may speak to you.

Psychological Honesty

So I will change my original answer. That would be a dealbreaker for me, and confronting the issue and handling it maturely would add to my confidence about being sure of myself and true to myself and my values.

I had too much trauma from too much deception but understand this may not be a big deal everyone. It The only thing that matters is if it's important to you.

My T and I have a deal that we both don't lie to each other. Of course, she doesn't have to be 100% open. There are boundaries. But she won't lie to me. And I know she's been honest because some of her answers have really "stung".

Hi,

Honestly I would ask him if I were you, given it's bothering you. I don"t why you're going to therapy in the first place (and I'm not asking either), but personally I feel it's important trust remains a constant of your relationship with him.

As others say, I concur that T's all lie at some point or another. I've experienced it with the one who diagnosed my C-PTSD. It was a silly lie, in the sense that I could easily find out about it. I know why she lied. She thought doing so was in my best interest, but it wasn't what I wanted for myself. She was trying to force my hand on something, probably because she felt too overwhelmed with my case. I didn't confront her, we hadn't seen each other for long. I just looked for another one later on, and that one was way more adequate for me, and it's been over a year since we started working together now, which is the longest I've seen a T so far. I'm pretty sure this one lies to me too, but I haven't caught any (yet).

Your case is obviously different, because you've been seeing him for a while already. You shouldn't be afraid to ask him why, I think as as long as you're non-confrontational about it it'll be fine. From what I've read it was either to protect himself, or your therapy space, or both. Remember that your T even as friendly as your relationship with him is or as familiar as he feels, isn't your friend. Otherwise, he wouldn't charge anything at the end of each session.

I can understand your fears, but as fantastic as any T is at the end of the day we are also employing them.He doesn't hold all the cards.

Trust for me is like a mirror, each time it's broken you get a crack. You can still use it but it's kinda hard to see clearly with a broken mirror. If there's no trust there's no basis for anything more.

This is where I land too. I have misgivings based on things that have happened with him in the past, and his ability to lie while looking right in your eyes is chilling. I immediately flashed back to when ruh roh suggested that your T might have psychopathic traits (although please forgive me for not remembering why that came up before). It also gives me pause that you don't feel safe confronting him, but of course I can't know from here whether that's because of your perception and feelings about confrontation or because of the reality of the situation with him.

I can't know that my T has never lied to me, but I do know that if she doesn't want to answer my question or talk about something personal, she will just refuse to disclose. That, coupled with a few necessary "stinging" truths (to use Scarlet's word) in the past, makes me feel that I can trust my T to be straight with me. I think I would feel too shaky and unsteady about the relationship if I didn't think I could trust her.

This would be so very painful for me. But if your T is not relational and has not responded well to conflict in the past, I can see how bringing it up would be tough. Not sure how healthy it is, but I am quite good at compartmentalizing, and in this situation I might be able to put it aside given all the good you experience in your relationship with him. This is so tough. Good luck.

My T is pushing himself to learn how to treat my DX I believe, and puts consistency, caring, and sincerity into the effort; he is also very attentive, quick thinking, extremely funny, and has a turn of phrase that keeps me curious. On the other hand, he just isn't honest. I don't know if it is characterological, and part of him for real, or if he simply feels he owes nothing of his true facts to patients. I'm far from perfect or easy, so I am going to try and be forgiving as he has been forgiving of me at times. If this still bothers me as much in a month, I'll bring it up in the ways we talked about here. I just feel bereft when I get confronted with the reality that the what seems like a pure & safe space has some of the problems of the real world. I guess that is the point- to dose them in small enough units to overcome them.

Lemon, this is a perfect metaphor. There are a few cracks in the mirror now. As the weekend passed by busy with work and clients for me, this fear of my T grew & grew. I am dreading my next session this week. I don't have enough sense of self to really know if this is the smallest deal ever, and I am making way too much about it and overreacting or if it is a little bit psychopathic to look in someone's eyes so deeply ( his trademark ) and simply lie with that much dexterity. More, it shows me how much this T has inched into being the most important person in my life, when it used to be my SO and friends, and before that my H and friends. It is like there is too much at stake to bring it up, in case he feels "busted", cornered, or caught. The Reddit thing was enough of that.