[Merope]

I was reading a different thread and it got me thinking...how do you bring up transference in session? My T doesn’t bring it up unless I do or unless it follows from something else I say that’s related.

I always feel awkward just bringing it up, especially at the beginning of a session. I find it a bit odd to go from “how’s your week been?” to “so I feel so attached to you that I sometimes get physical symptoms at the thought of losing you”.

I’d like to say it in person too, not in writing. I don’t want to hide from this, awkward as it may be. It would do me good to open up like that.

But I’m scared lol. He already know about my transference but we never really discussed it in depth. I’d like that, but I just don’t know how to even start to talk about it.

[DP_2017]

Well if you put it in writing, it can become a in person topic, the weirdness out initially saying it is gone though, so it's easier. That's what I did. For me, after that, I got to a point with him where the comfort was so high, I'd say whatever. We usually laughed it off and carried on

I can't say anything else because I don't have it at all with current T. It's a very different feeling.

Just know, you are NOT the first, they are trained to deal with this and they expect it. It will be ok

[piggy momma]

I just brought it up one day. I didn’t write it out or practice it. I just said - this is what’s going on. We talked about it quite regularly after that. It was never scary or taboo or not allowed. It was just a thing we acknowledged and worked with.

[Echos Myron redux]

I check in with it every week now. I often start with "I missed you a lot this week" or I didn't think about you so much, did you notice I didn't email?" and go from there. But it's taken a while and a lot conversation about my feelings to get to the point where I feel okay about it.

Have you thought about just saying what you've said here, that you struggle with how to approach it?

[kaleidoscopeheart]

Originally Posted by Echos Myron redux

Have you thought about just saying what you've said here, that you struggle with how to approach it?

Excellent suggestion.

When I brought it up with my T I wrote it on a piece of paper and we discussed it then. He knew the feelings were there and it just helped to have everything out in the open finally. There was (and is... I'm not gonna lie) a lot of shame around my feelings but T normalizes them and we talk about it fairly often now.

[Merope]

Thanks all!

Did your T bring it up more after you opened up about it or do you tend to be the one who opens up a discussion about transference?

[kaleidoscopeheart]

Initially he was more than happy to talk more indepth about it and now T brings it up occasionally but more often its me. He leaves it to me to lead the sessions though. T has no problems discussing the feelings that I have AND the way he feels as well. It has become a very open and direct topic between us.

“so I feel so attached to you that I sometimes get physical symptoms at the thought of losing you”.

This is the way I would bring it up.

Don't lose sight of the possibility that talking it through might lead to relief from the anxiety you are experiencing.

[susannahsays]

I don't really understand the purpose. If I did, I guess I would just say, "I am experiencing significant negative transference to you right now that is causing me to hate your guts to an irrational degree."

[Echos Myron redux]

Originally Posted by Merope

Thanks all!

Did your T bring it up more after you opened up about it or do you tend to be the one who opens up a discussion about transference?

I still am usually the one to raise it, but that doesn't just go for transference, he won't usually raise a topic unless it relates somehow to what we're talking about. The only times he has raised it are when we are discussing our relationship more generally, because it's a significant part of how we relate, and relevant to the conversation.

[Favorite Jeans]

Originally Posted by susannahsays

I don't really understand the purpose. If I did, I guess I would just say, "I am experiencing significant negative transference to you right now that is causing me to hate your guts to an irrational degree."

I might need to lead with this tomorrow. I have told her before that I hated her. She always seemed fairly amused to hear it. Like I’d made her day in fact.

[Merope]

I’ll try to bring it up without beating around the bush. You’re right, being honest and on on point is probably better.

[SummerTime12]

I feel the same way! We’ve talked about it, but it’s always so difficult for me to bring up. It does feel awkward at first because there’s really no conversation we have that leads up to it naturally. When I want to talk about stuff related to me and him, I usually will spend the first half of the session avoiding whatever he tries to talk about, which clues him in that I have something else on my agenda. Then I eventually just spit it out.