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#676
Jun 07, 2019, 12:29 PM
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Sweetie, its The Little Prince, by Antoine de St Exupery. You MUST read it. So many times that it becomes like The Godfather movies, that you can recite a relevant line at any given moment. Then you will be a grasshopper!
Except its the total opposite of the godfather, but yeah. |
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#677
Jun 07, 2019, 01:02 PM
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Quote:
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#678
Jun 07, 2019, 05:34 PM
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Quote:
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 WarmFuzzySocks
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#679
Jun 07, 2019, 05:50 PM
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Dear T,
I was actually doing okay about all that stuff with the BF until I talked with you about it. Now I'm feeling some kind of way. Gah. Dislike. (On a slightly different note, I did think it was kind of cute that you wanted to see a picture of him--it felt like you being protective of me. Especially since you said you'd never asked anyone for that before.) -C |
 LonesomeTonight, WarmFuzzySocks
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| LonesomeTonight, WarmFuzzySocks
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#680
Jun 07, 2019, 07:06 PM
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Dear T,
Of course now I'm second-guessing what I told you about the email list...But I don't want to use an email on it. Love, LT |
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#681
Jun 07, 2019, 08:33 PM
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Dear T,
I feel so sad tonight and I’ve gained enough self awareness during our time together that I understand the why of it but I’m still sad. I wanted you to know that I was sad. That when I said I wanted a break, you’d know I meant “please keep me close, I’m scared”. Inside my fractured self, there’s a little girl whom you betrayed 4 years ago and she still hasn’t forgiven you. And our therapy feels like it’s come to an impasse until she does. And I know you didn’t do anything wrong but she believes what she believes and I’m just sad and alone. |
| Elio, LonesomeTonight, WarmFuzzySocks, zoiecat
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#682
Jun 07, 2019, 09:07 PM
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I miss you so much and waver between I really trusted you in the end but in the end I can't trust you because all they were were words
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| Elio, LonesomeTonight
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#683
Jun 07, 2019, 09:26 PM
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Sometimes (like right now) I look at your psych today profile pic and see the warm and caring t that i love, that I so want to talk to. Other times I look at it and see a complete stranger.
And I really hate that in reality you are both of those things. And this is why I do not call. |
| Anonymous42961, chihirochild, Elio, LonesomeTonight
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#684
Jun 07, 2019, 09:26 PM
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I give up.
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| Anonymous42961, Echos Myron redux, Elio, LonesomeTonight, WarmFuzzySocks
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#686
Jun 08, 2019, 01:34 AM
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**** you **** you **** you
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| Elio, LonesomeTonight, WarmFuzzySocks
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#687
Jun 08, 2019, 05:21 AM
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I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE YOU BUT I AM ALSO TERRIFIED TO SEE YOU.
This contradiction in feelings is stuuuupid. |
| Elio, LonesomeTonight
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#688
Jun 08, 2019, 08:51 AM
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Dear T,
I really miss you right now and wish I could talk to you for a few minutes or see an email reply. Not anything at all to do with Thursday's session--I still feel good about. Just H stuff. But I didn't contact you last night and I won't contact you today, unless things get worse. Love you, LT |
| Echos Myron redux, Elio, WarmFuzzySocks, zoiecat
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#689
Jun 08, 2019, 10:27 AM
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You put 'with love' in your email again today. Did something happen to make you feel it's okay to write that more? Or is it just because you know it feels good to me?
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| Elio, LonesomeTonight, WarmFuzzySocks
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#690
Jun 08, 2019, 10:41 AM
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Seriously stuck in the loving space with you - either the you you, the image you, or the you in me... who knows. I like this space when it can stay from getting too something... "longingly". It is on that edge right now where sometimes (most the time) it feels good. I love you and you are out there somewhere and I can reach out to you and you are there. Sometimes the need/longing (or whatever it is) is overwhelming and I get tearful.
Waiting for your reply. |
| LonesomeTonight, NP_Complete, SalingerEsme, WarmFuzzySocks
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| SalingerEsme
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#691
Jun 08, 2019, 12:07 PM
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Even with what we put into place last session, I am still scared of the territory we are going to end up covering. Much like that
__________________
'Somewhere up above the great divide Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few A man can see his way clear to the light 'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin |
| atisketatasket, Elio, LonesomeTonight
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#692
Jun 08, 2019, 07:01 PM
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ok, having a hard time with the wanting of mommy (you?) today. I don't know why as I have no more than normal stresses.
Whatever we touched on Thursday must be something internally threatening, otherwise, I don't understand where the need, fear?, anxiety is coming from. Whatever it is, my system is on high alert and can't take much stimulus. |
| atisketatasket, LonesomeTonight, WarmFuzzySocks
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#693
Jun 08, 2019, 11:57 PM
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Dear No. 3,
I am thinking about one of the things you did and realizing even more now what a really *****y thing it was to do. ATAT |
| chihirochild, Elio, LonesomeTonight, NP_Complete, unaluna, UnderRugSwept, WarmFuzzySocks
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#694
Jun 09, 2019, 08:06 AM
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T, last session sucked. Then you were gone a week. I have so much going on inside. I need my circle, I need for us to sit on the floor, I need you to be light and almost playful even though it won’t match my affect... I know you would give me all of this if I asked... and I doubt I will be able to. I need to talk about trust and I need to talk about shame... but I know where the shame is coming from and I don’t know if it is OK to talk about that yet.
__________________
There’s been many a crooked path that has landed me here Tired, broken and wearing rags Wild eyed with fear -Blackmoores Night |
| LonesomeTonight
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#695
Jun 09, 2019, 09:03 AM
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Dear T,
Well, I'm trying one of those Paint Nite things tonight, like you suggested I do. Part of me thought I shouldn't do this one, because it's flowers, which is what I had the really bad feedback from when I was a kid. But then, it's "abstract roses," so they aren't supposed to be realistic. And maybe this is exactly what I need to break through and feel OK taking some sort of art lesson again? Or to realize that painting is really not for me, in which case perhaps I could try the local pottery class or the glass-fusing class or the jewelry-making class or...I just need to get out there and stop being so afraid of failure or embarrassment. I've managed that with yoga or going for walks, time to venture into a different area. And there will be beer at least. Love, LT |
| chihirochild
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#696
Jun 09, 2019, 02:34 PM
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Monday I'll tell you about the legal route I'm pursuing
I'm not sure whether to tell you I'm trying again with the other route. I'm just trying to make sure I have an option available ASAP. But to be completely honest I don't necessarily trust that the IN (S)- will work as well as IM racemic, and I like the control and freedom of being able to do it myself. I know all else being equal you'd prefer I go the clinic route... Will you disapprove of this now that it might not be my only option? P.S. I engaged in more recreational activities and it put me in a better mood for now. Is becoming slightly less weird to acknowledge with you at least. Maybe because we're not talking details beyond saying "an event." I've been talking to that friend about the details and he's been giving me **** in a teasing way, so I am talking to someone at least. I think I've mentioned this, but he's gay so absolutely 0% chance of this backfiring with it turning into him having feelings for me or something. |
| LonesomeTonight
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#698
Jun 09, 2019, 07:08 PM
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Oh T, I’m really upset now... and I can’t say it to you for many reasons, so many reasons, all of which you know. I would be a terrible person if I say anything. And yet, you know how much it means to me for you to answer... how badly I’ve been struggling and why... and yet, you’re not answering. So... I don’t know... it seems I’m always on the losing side, T...
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| LonesomeTonight
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#699
Jun 09, 2019, 08:41 PM
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I wish I could talk to you, not these other moronic T's. just you. I really messed up and I hate myself so much. I've been crazy depressed and not really eating all weekend. Wishing I could see you even for just 1 minute. Cruelest punishment I ever had, was losing you
__________________
Grief is the price you pay for love. |
| LonesomeTonight, WarmFuzzySocks
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#700
Jun 09, 2019, 08:45 PM
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1 year ago today you took your last breath. I have tried to have a good day. I tried to honor you today and spent my day with my family. It sucks though and is so painful
__________________
Last edited by nottrustin; Jun 09, 2019 at 09:24 PM. |
| LonesomeTonight, unaluna, WarmFuzzySocks
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| Closed Thread |
This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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