Dear T: I really need to tell you something XL

WarmFuzzySocks · May 28, 2019 at 05:37 PM

T, remember when I said I wasn't anxious about meeting with the kids' dad's therapist? That was true. When I said it. A week ago.

The meeting is tomorrow.

velcro003 · May 28, 2019 at 08:29 PM

T: You are right. I am only holding on by my fingernails and I can see no way out. I'm scared.

3rd rock · May 28, 2019 at 09:00 PM

I think you are blaming the victim. Everything is my fault. The ineffectiveness of your treatment isn't your fault. You don't listen to me when I tell you what I need.

LabRat27 · May 28, 2019 at 09:37 PM

That wasn't as awkward as I thought. Thanks. Still never want to discuss it with you ever again, but good talk.

Elio · May 28, 2019 at 10:01 PM

I think we might be getting closer to being back on track. Well that is until I need what I needed before and it blew up; and I have to process through all of it again. You are still somewhat split. Not as bad as before. I'm clearly back to loving you and that feels good.

Echos Myron redux · May 29, 2019 at 09:31 AM

Well that was really quite something. "People don't say that to me very often". You don't say?

SheHulk07 · May 29, 2019 at 10:05 AM

I think I may have figured out what may contributing to my sudden increase in anxiety, but I don't want to solely blame it on a physical thing. However I did just increase my thyroid medication on the 10th so the timing fits.

May 29, 2019 at 12:36 PM

Lots of dreams lately but you have not been in any of them. Hmph!

LabRat27 · May 29, 2019 at 05:56 PM

T who isn't my T,
I have no good reason to want or need a hug today. Can you offer one again anyway? Can that be a regular thing? I doubt it, but it would be nice.
I'm sure you'd give me a hug if I asked, but I don't want to be weird and needy and desperate and pathetic.
I'd like to get a hug from you without a motorcycle jacket with full level 2 armor. I didn't get to really feel your arms around me. God, that sounds stupid. I'll still wait to put my jacket on until I get to my bike this time though. Just in case you ask.

susannahsays · May 29, 2019 at 06:36 PM

Yesterday, did you say, "You're right, I'm really angry," or "You're right, you're really angry?" I think it was the former, but I'm not 100%. I don't want to ask you and make you think I can't handle it if you're angry. I can. I'm just irritated because I'm not sure if that's what you said. Then again, your tone and words suggested you were rather angry. So I guess even if you didn't say so, I know you were.

May 29, 2019 at 08:08 PM

I am sorry about the email, truly I feel so stupid asking to come home, who do I think I am? Who do I think you are? It would be nice though.

velcro003 · May 29, 2019 at 08:56 PM

Any reason you stopped hugging me? Am I giving out an extra "don't hug me" vibe? You've rubbed my back twice, which was nice too. I will never say this to you.

Lemoncake · May 29, 2019 at 09:21 PM

I haven't been home since Christmas, but i'm actually having fun. Maybe it's cause i'm only here for three days but It's nice to just spend time with my kid sisters and Belle .

LabRat27 · May 29, 2019 at 11:07 PM

Possible trigger:

ok now I like actively want to die and I need you. I don't want to wait until Friday.

LabRat27 · 12:10 AM

I want to imagine what you would say and hear your voice in my head but I can't
I really should ask you for something physical, even a note or something, so that I have something I can hold onto
But I'm too ashamed and embarrassed and worried you'll think it's stupid

My brain is really bad right now.

Possible trigger:

if I still had my suture kit I'd be using it tonight

May 30, 2019 at 04:34 AM

I totally misunderstood everything, I was taken in.

11:31 AM

It was still the right thing to do, even if I feel a little sad at the realization that I kinda ran away.

LabRat27 · May 30, 2019 at 12:20 PM

I want to text you to confirm our appointment time for tomorrow. I know what time it is. I don't need to confirm it. But I want to feel some little bit of connection even if it's just that.
Pathetic, right?
Don't worry, I won't actually do it.

Possible trigger:

I'll hurt myself instead. But telling you that would be manipulative, so I won't tell you

May 30, 2019 at 01:17 PM

yeah if i could stop thinking about you that would be so nice.

Echos Myron redux · May 30, 2019 at 01:54 PM

Well your new supervisor is an interesting fellow isn't he? You didn't choose him for my benefit did you?

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Dear T: I really need to tell you something XL

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velcro003 Elder Member Since Oct 2008 Posts: 7,361 15 25 hugs given	May 28, 2019 at 08:29 PM #582 T: You are right. I am only holding on by my fingernails and I can see no way out. I'm scared.

3rd rock Veteran Member Member Since May 2019 Location: Canada Posts: 526 4 5,852 hugs given	May 28, 2019 at 09:00 PM #583 I think you are blaming the victim. Everything is my fault. The ineffectiveness of your treatment isn't your fault. You don't listen to me when I tell you what I need.

LabRat27 Poohbah Member Since Mar 2018 Location: CA Posts: 1,009 6 2,354 hugs given	May 28, 2019 at 09:37 PM #584 That wasn't as awkward as I thought. Thanks. Still never want to discuss it with you ever again, but good talk.

Elio ............... Member Since Sep 2006 Location: in my head Posts: 2,911 17 8,779 hugs given	May 28, 2019 at 10:01 PM #585 I think we might be getting closer to being back on track. Well that is until I need what I needed before and it blew up; and I have to process through all of it again. You are still somewhat split. Not as bad as before. I'm clearly back to loving you and that feels good.

Echos Myron redux Magnate Member Since Apr 2018 Location: UK Posts: 2,161 6 1,834 hugs given	May 29, 2019 at 09:31 AM #586 Well that was really quite something. "People don't say that to me very often". You don't say?

SheHulk07 Magnate Member Since Oct 2013 Location: CO Posts: 2,305 10 871 hugs given	May 29, 2019 at 10:05 AM #587 I think I may have figured out what may contributing to my sudden increase in anxiety, but I don't want to solely blame it on a physical thing. However I did just increase my thyroid medication on the 10th so the timing fits.

Anonymous43207 Guest Posts: n/a	May 29, 2019 at 12:36 PM #588 Lots of dreams lately but you have not been in any of them. Hmph!

Anonymous42961 Guest Posts: n/a	May 29, 2019 at 08:08 PM #591 I am sorry about the email, truly I feel so stupid asking to come home, who do I think I am? Who do I think you are? It would be nice though.

velcro003 Elder Member Since Oct 2008 Posts: 7,361 15 25 hugs given	May 29, 2019 at 08:56 PM #592 Any reason you stopped hugging me? Am I giving out an extra "don't hug me" vibe? You've rubbed my back twice, which was nice too. I will never say this to you.

Lemoncake Luna's offical mini me. Member Since May 2017 Location: Cafe Nervosa. Posts: 9,700 (SuperPoster!) 6 10.2k hugs given	May 29, 2019 at 09:21 PM #593 I haven't been home since Christmas, but i'm actually having fun. Maybe it's cause i'm only here for three days but It's nice to just spend time with my kid sisters and Belle . __________________ "Love, like life, flows Through the heart. Feel the thrill of the flow And say nothing."

LabRat27 Poohbah Member Since Mar 2018 Location: CA Posts: 1,009 6 2,354 hugs given	May 29, 2019 at 11:07 PM #594 Possible trigger: ok now I like actively want to die and I need you. I don't want to wait until Friday.

Anonymous42961 Guest Posts: n/a	May 30, 2019 at 04:34 AM #596 I totally misunderstood everything, I was taken in.

Anonymous43207 Guest Posts: n/a	May 30, 2019 at 11:08 AM #597 It was still the right thing to do, even if I feel a little sad at the realization that I kinda ran away. Last edited by Anonymous43207; May 30, 2019 at 11:31 AM..

LabRat27 Poohbah Member Since Mar 2018 Location: CA Posts: 1,009 6 2,354 hugs given	May 30, 2019 at 12:20 PM #598 I want to text you to confirm our appointment time for tomorrow. I know what time it is. I don't need to confirm it. But I want to feel some little bit of connection even if it's just that. Pathetic, right? Don't worry, I won't actually do it. Possible trigger: I'll hurt myself instead. But telling you that would be manipulative, so I won't tell you

Anonymous43207 Guest Posts: n/a	May 30, 2019 at 01:17 PM #599 yeah if i could stop thinking about you that would be so nice.

Echos Myron redux Magnate Member Since Apr 2018 Location: UK Posts: 2,161 6 1,834 hugs given	May 30, 2019 at 01:54 PM #600 Well your new supervisor is an interesting fellow isn't he? You didn't choose him for my benefit did you?