[Lrad123]

My therapist’s wife is a therapist and I knew this before I even met him because I agonized for about a year about whether or not to start therapy and I did a lot of research during that time. They have different last names but I had looked each of them up individually and liked them both and then somehow realized they were married. Given the number of T’s in my area, it’s sort of odd that I had them both on my list. I honestly thought I’d choose her because I sort of thought I should see a female T, but when it came down to it, I contacted him on what seemed like a whim.

Anyway, when I was a teenager (many years ago) a couple year after my dad died I saw a therapist for a single visit. I went to his house where he saw clients and when I arrived, he said I would be seeing his wife instead, because as a young female they had decided it would be better for me to see another female. I never went back after that one visit and I don’t remember what they looked like or even what their ages were. But, I always wonder if it could have been my T and his wife. It’s in the same neighborhood where he lives and close to where I see him. I know it doesn’t matter, but I think about it off and on. I wonder if I should bring it up just to get it off my chest? I also wonder how common it is for T’s to be married to other T’s. Is your therapist married to a therapist?

[stopdog]

The first one I ever hired about 35 years ago had been married and was divorced from another therapist.
This attempt -the first woman was married to another therapist (second marriage for both) and the second woman got married for the second time while I was going to appointments to a retired academic (humanities).
The common factor in all 3 was divorce.

[Echos Myron redux]

Yes. It's not his first wife. He divorced and remarried later in life to another therapist.

[nottrustin]

Neither of mine are/were to my knowledge.

T was married when she was very young and in college, for a couple of years. He was also a student. She never married again. The last 5 years of her life she was with a retired college professor.

Emdr T has only been married once and he is also college professor.

[Lrad123]

Originally Posted by stopdog

The first one I ever hired about 35 years ago had been married and was divorced from another therapist.
This attempt -the first woman was married to another therapist (second marriage for both) and the second woman got married for the second time while I was going to appointments to a retired academic (humanities).
The common factor in all 3 was divorce.

That’s interesting. I think I’ve read that therapists are no less likely to get divorced than anyone else, but I’d sort of expect otherwise given their training. I’d also sort of expect them to have well-adjusted children, but I wonder if that’s true.

[Merope]

Mine is divorced. His ex-wife isn't a therapist.

Lard, I used to think that therapists are less likely to get divorced because of their training, but now I think that while their training can't prevent divorce, it can maybe ensure that they separate in a healthier/friendlier way? Just a thought, I could be wrong.

[stopdog]

No - I think their children are just as screwed up as everyone else's.
Are the offspring of therapists really more screwed up than the children of non-shrinks?

The Psychologist as (Wary) Parent - The New York Times

Children of the Shrinks, by Lenore Skenazy | Creators Syndicate

My Mom’s a Therapist, and My Feelings About It Are Complicated

Honey, I shrunk the kids: Do therapists make good parents? | Life and style | The Guardian

I'll tell you about my (psychologist) mother | Psychology Today

https://www.zurinstitute.com/therapists-families/

[healed84]

Nope.. t’s wife is a foreign language professor at a local college.

[Xynesthesia2]

My first T is divorced and second T is married to a massage/occupational therapist. The therapists I know (either via my work or as a client) never struck me as people who are better at handling relationships than anyone else, some seem worse than the average Joe. I would not expect them to have more well-adjusted families than others, I think the fact that they are often drawn to their profession due to their own issues plays a more significant role than training.

[atisketatasket]

No. 1 is married to another therapist and they practice together. The others whose spouses I know of were an academic (in my same field), the therapist’s office manager, and a restaurateur.

[nottrustin]

I am thinking about all my therapist co-workers.

There spouses are;
Engineer
Lawyer not practicing since she is a Sahm
Nurse by training but works as an Ed tech doe special needs students
Funeral home worker

The rest I Dont know what their spouses do

[stopdog]

"There was not a specific occupation listed as Marriage and Family Therapist in the same study, however, there were multiple occupations in which a Marriage and Family Therapist may fall. McCoy and Aamodt listed the occupation “Therapists, all other” as having a divorce/separation rate of 24.20%, “Sociologists” as 23.53%, “Social workers” as 23.16%, “Counselors” as 22.49%, “Miscellaneous social scientists and workers” as 19.65%, and “Psychologists” as 19.30%. Each one of these categories had a divorce/separation rate well above the national average for all occupations of 16.96%.

The specific goal of that study was to further investigate the divorce rates of police officers as compared to other occupations. The researchers did not speculate as to why the divorce/separation rates of those in the field of psychotherapy might be so much higher."
Do Marriage & Family Therapists Have Better Marriages? – The Family Therapy Blog

Mr. and Mrs. Shrink: Therapists in Relationships with Other Therapists are Maddeningly Healthy | Observer

[piggy momma]

My Ts have all been single!!!

[ArtleyWilkins]

Nope. Not a one of them.

1st - no idea what her occupation was
2nd - no idea what her occupation was
3rd - single

[ArtleyWilkins]

Originally Posted by Lrad123

That’s interesting. I think I’ve read that therapists are no less likely to get divorced than anyone else, but I’d sort of expect otherwise given their training. I’d also sort of expect them to have well-adjusted children, but I wonder if that’s true.

I doubt it. I've found my therapists' families to be pretty "normal." Two of the three have been married for over 50 years now. Their sons were pretty normal from what I was aware of. They expressed willingness to strangle their offspring from time to time. Sound pretty normal to me. LOL! My 3rd was divorced quite some time ago and his kids were as prone to typical problems as anyone else's kids.

[nottrustin]

T is see to always say that therapists do not corner the market on perfect lives or mental illness. They are just as messed up as everybody else. She also said that despite having her as mother and all her mistakes her son turned out very well adjusted, happy and successful. She use to also say that I was way more successful in marriage so she would give me alternative perspectives when I had marriage issues but ultimately what I was doing was working so she would never question it.

[Anne2.0]

Originally Posted by Lrad123

Anyway, when I was a teenager (many years ago) a couple year after my dad died I saw a therapist for a single visit. I went to his house where he saw clients and when I arrived, he said I would be seeing his wife instead, because as a young female they had decided it would be better for me to see another female.

I think it might be useful to bring it up because I think this was a lousy thing to do to a teenager who just lost her father. Idiot therapists. Side benefit might be that you might learn for sure whether it was him or not. Don't you think this early experience, especially so close in time to your father's death, might impact how you think and feel about therapy?

But, no, my T isn't married to another T. He's married to a very successful artist, and his previous wife was also an artist. He has no children. I think he's in a good marriage now but I don't think that's because he's a T, I think it's because he did some work on himself in and out of therapy and created better stuff in his life in all kinds of ways. I think therapists might be like the shoemaker's children who have no shoes-- like the lawyers I meet who do stupid legal stuff in their own personal life, without wills and such. Like the cardiologist who smokes and drinks. Etc. Every profession has its blind spots in people's personal lives, therapists are no exception. When I was in law school I had a group of friends who included clinical psych students; they were no better at relationships than the rest of us. I do think people in various professions (lots of lawyers married to lawyers for example) marry people in the same profession because that's who they tend to meet. Maybe therapists are more likely to marry therapists, but I doubt it's all that more different for them and I doubt their divorce rate is any lower than anybody else's. Haven't seen any stats on that though.

[Anne2.0]

Originally Posted by piggy momma

My Ts have all been single!!!

A side effect of them being priests?

[SlumberKitty]

My former T was single.

My current T, I have no idea if she is married, although I think she was at one time, but I've never heard her talk about a husband or partner. She has a grown up son though, at least one.

[Lrad123]

Originally Posted by stopdog

"There was not a specific occupation listed as Marriage and Family Therapist in the same study, however, there were multiple occupations in which a Marriage and Family Therapist may fall. McCoy and Aamodt listed the occupation “Therapists, all other” as having a divorce/separation rate of 24.20%, “Sociologists” as 23.53%, “Social workers” as 23.16%, “Counselors” as 22.49%, “Miscellaneous social scientists and workers” as 19.65%, and “Psychologists” as 19.30%. Each one of these categories had a divorce/separation rate well above the national average for all occupations of 16.96%.

The specific goal of that study was to further investigate the divorce rates of police officers as compared to other occupations. The researchers did not speculate as to why the divorce/separation rates of those in the field of psychotherapy might be so much higher."
Do Marriage & Family Therapists Have Better Marriages? – The Family Therapy Blog

Mr. and Mrs. Shrink: Therapists in Relationships with Other Therapists are Maddeningly Healthy | Observer

I don’t think that staying married is necessarily a reflection of being successful in relationships. My husband is from a country where marriages are arranged and no one gets divorced even if the relationships are not good or are abusive. In some circumstances getting divorced may be a more honest/authentic solution. Just a thought.

[stopdog]

I made no comment on the desirability of marriage regardless of longevity in any fashion. I don't care whether anyone is married or divorced.
Just giving the study information and link to an article.

[Lrad123]

Originally Posted by stopdog

I was making no comment on the desirability of marriage regardless of longevity in any fashion.
Just giving the study information and link to an article.

Yes, I, however, like to find meaning in things Thanks for the links. I haven’t had time to read them in detail yet - just read your brief synopsis.

[stopdog]

It was not my synopsis - I gave the link to the quote.

[Lrad123]

Originally Posted by stopdog

It was not my synopsis - I gave the link to the quote.

Right. I was referring to the abstracts/summaries you provided with the links.

[susannahsays]

I am not surprised that therapists have a higher divorce rate. While I do think many get into the profession due to their own issues, I also think the profession itself likely puts stress on a marriage. Listening to people and "connecting" with them all day is exhausting even for the most social of individuals. I have read comments on the psychotherapy sub from many therapists expressing how they just want quiet time when they get home. I imagine this would be even harder for therapists who are introverts. I personally enjoy plenty of alone time as an introvert, and if I were a therapist, I would be too emotionally spent after work to connect with a partner. I also wonder how many of them have trouble not slipping into therapist speak sometimes in their personal lives where it is not appropriate. If my partner were a therapist and they said something to me using therapist phrasing or lingo, I would likely find it condescending. There is also the issue of jealousy to consider. I think it is quite likely that some partners of therapists find the fact that their partner spends so much time listening to others' secrets and being exposed to their private emotions rather... I'm not sure what the word I'm looking for is. But I do think there could be some jealousy, especially if the therapist partner isn't very emotionally available due to being burned out from work.