[Wiggle118]

So...two weeks ago my T asked me what so wanted for myself after I leave my current (male) partner, I wasn’t brave enough to say I wanted a girlfriend but I did email her the following day.

Last week, she chatted about my home situation initially, and then asked me again what I wanted for myself after I leave my partner. I found it hard to answer again and we talked a bit about why this might be, and suggested I think about it over the week before our next session. We also talked about working on improving my self confidence and being more assertive, and agreed to work on this going forward.

Since then I have thought about why I struggle to talk about my sexuality, but in our session today T did not mention it at all. It was like last week never happened. I worked with this T last year and the same thing happened then...seemed to get a plan together and then it’s completely forgotten the following week.

So has she forgotten or I am meant to be the one to mention it? I don’t really know what we’re doing to be honest. T made some “final” type statements - wishing me all the best with certain things. I don’t think she’s going to cut me off, she confirmed for next week.

Any ideas?

[velcro003]

Hmmm...maybe she is giving you space to bring it up yourself since you were having a hard time talking about it?

[susannahsays]

Maybe she doesn't want to be too pushy.

ETA: The inverse of you being the one who is meant to bring something up would be the therapist is meant to bring something up. I don't really think it's her responsibility to bring up things you want to talk about. Only you can know what those are.

[stopdog]

I think some forget, some wait for clients, and some will bring stuff back up. I found it most helpful when the second one would bring things back up from the previous appointment. I found it least helpful when the first woman would act like she wasn't sure who I was from week to week.

[nottrustin]

On my experience it could be any od rhe reapond you listed. I have has times where T has forgotten things like that. If I bring it up she will admit forgetting. Other times I have ignored the topic because I dont want to or am not ready for the discussion.

She may also recognize your discomfort with the topic so giving you space until you being it up.

[kaleidoscopeheart]

It could be many reasons but I would not be surprised if your T was just waiting for you to bring it up. If it would be easier, when that question comes up could you just mention that you had emailed her? That might jog her memory if she forgot or it could be an easier opening to discussing it. In my experience, my T waited for me to mention it before we talked about it. I think he didn't want me to feel pressured and I appreciated that. Good luck!

[Rive.]

Did you check with her if she never broached it?

It is not solely up to the therapist to - inevitably - bring topics up but there is a shared responsibility for the client to do so as well.

I am not sure what went through her head: she forgot, or seeing you were speaking of working on self-confidence and assertiveness maybe she left the ball in your court... or she did not want to impose her agenda.

Clients ought to have a vested interest in their well-being, so I think it is fair to bring things up if T doesn't (for whatever reason). It would also show a client's engagement i.e. wanting to improve and working at it, rather than passively waiting for T to lead.

Originally Posted by stopdog

I found it least helpful when the first woman would act like she wasn't sure who I was from week to week.

WHAT?!?! I’m sorry - that is awful!

Many therapists do wait for a client to assert that something is important instead of trying to bring it up themselves. What’s ‘unspoken’ is supposedly quite significant.

I always took my therapist’s lack of follow up or check-ins on certain topics as avoidance or incompetence. It could have been deliberate? This is the only field I’ve experienced where nearly any therapist behavior can be excused as technique, so I’m really not sure....