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Magnate
Member Since Jul 2013
Location: United States
Posts: 2,741
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#21
I also looked into caregivers support groups but none close enough to me. I will ask at the hospital on Monday.
__________________ When a child’s emotional needs are not met and a child is repeatedly hurt and abused, this deeply and profoundly affects the child’s development. Wanting those unmet childhood needs in adulthood. Looking for safety, protection, being cherished and loved can often be normal unmet needs in childhood, and the survivor searches for these in other adults. This can be where survivors search for mother and father figures. Transference issues in counseling can occur and this is normal for childhood abuse survivors. |
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chihirochild, Elio, here today, LonesomeTonight, unaluna
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#22
Unless he told you that you couldn’t, it seems to me that the healthy thing to do is to just to email your therapist as often as you need to.
There’s plenty of time later to cultivate interests and work through dependency issues. IMO the important therapy thing right now is to get you through this crisis in one piece. |
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Elio, LonesomeTonight, rainbow8
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Always in This Twilight
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 20,768
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#23
Quote:
Yes, I told my T recently how I often find his feedback useful, like giving me different perspectives on things (how someone might be reacting to what I say, etc.). But there are also times when I just need support (and not to be challenged), and I've been trying to tell him when it's those times. This sounds like one of those times for you, Moxie. You can work more on your coping skills when you're not trying to deal with your H's surgery. |
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Aug 2012
Location: Anonymous
Posts: 3,132
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#24
Quote:
Suggestion: every hospital i've ever been in has social workers on staff. Call the oncology dept (or probably urology, wherever his doc is) and ask if you can make an appointment with the social worker, hopefully during the time when he's there in surgery and/or recovering. Another suggestion: hospice-- hopefully he never needs it and I realize you aren't a patient, but these folks knew the most about resources in the community for caregiver support and groups of all kinds. They are really hooked into knowing what's out there. |
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LonesomeTonight
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LonesomeTonight, MoxieDoxie, rainbow8, SlumberKitty
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Magnate
Member Since Jul 2013
Location: United States
Posts: 2,741
10 365 hugs
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#25
Quote:
__________________ When a child’s emotional needs are not met and a child is repeatedly hurt and abused, this deeply and profoundly affects the child’s development. Wanting those unmet childhood needs in adulthood. Looking for safety, protection, being cherished and loved can often be normal unmet needs in childhood, and the survivor searches for these in other adults. This can be where survivors search for mother and father figures. Transference issues in counseling can occur and this is normal for childhood abuse survivors. |
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LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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Magnate
Member Since Jul 2013
Location: United States
Posts: 2,741
10 365 hugs
given |
#26
Quote:
__________________ When a child’s emotional needs are not met and a child is repeatedly hurt and abused, this deeply and profoundly affects the child’s development. Wanting those unmet childhood needs in adulthood. Looking for safety, protection, being cherished and loved can often be normal unmet needs in childhood, and the survivor searches for these in other adults. This can be where survivors search for mother and father figures. Transference issues in counseling can occur and this is normal for childhood abuse survivors. |
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here today, LonesomeTonight, rainbow8, SlumberKitty
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Legendary
Member Since Mar 2018
Location: United States
Posts: 10,760
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#27
@MoxieDoxie I am very sorry to hear about your husband. Remember to take care of yourself while taking care of him.
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MoxieDoxie
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Aug 2012
Location: Anonymous
Posts: 3,132
11 129 hugs
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#28
I hope it is easier for you than it was for me. It was the hardest thing I've ever done. On the plus side, it was good to know I could show up for someone who was dying and be present for them. It was good to know I could do the right thing under difficult circumstances.
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Amyjay, LonesomeTonight, rainbow8, SlumberKitty
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here today
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Magnate
Member Since Jul 2013
Location: United States
Posts: 2,741
10 365 hugs
given |
#29
He said a very endearing kind thing to me as he knows my husbands surgery is on Monday. He said I did not need to be in crisis to call him and to please use him as a support resource and to call him if I need to just connect. That amazes me.
__________________ When a child’s emotional needs are not met and a child is repeatedly hurt and abused, this deeply and profoundly affects the child’s development. Wanting those unmet childhood needs in adulthood. Looking for safety, protection, being cherished and loved can often be normal unmet needs in childhood, and the survivor searches for these in other adults. This can be where survivors search for mother and father figures. Transference issues in counseling can occur and this is normal for childhood abuse survivors. |
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LonesomeTonight, LostOnTheTrail, SlumberKitty, Taylor27
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rainbow8, Taylor27
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Aug 2012
Location: Anonymous
Posts: 3,132
11 129 hugs
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#30
Quote:
So take him up on it. Call every day if you have to. He means it. |
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LonesomeTonight, MoxieDoxie
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Magnate
Member Since Oct 2018
Location: USA
Posts: 2,788
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#31
Quote:
My therapist was a vital source of support. Sometimes it was just an extra phone call. Sometimes it was an extra session. He often called me directly when he knew something in particular was going on like my husband being in the ICU. But he was always available. At one point, my therapist's office was literally across the hospital parking lot, and he came over during his lunch hour and sat with my husband while I ran to get some lunch and run an errand. I'm fortunate now; our children are grown and I can ask them to help with their Dad. They can take a shift in the hospital so I can go home and take a shower, or they can just come sit at home so I can go to the grocery store or rehearsal. Do you have other people you can call on for that kind of physical relief on occasion? It doesn't even have to be family. Maybe friends or his or your coworkers? Church members? Even an hour can make a great difference. Take the moments you find for yourself. So sorry you are dealing with this. There is very little harder. |
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LonesomeTonight, Taylor27
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LonesomeTonight, Taylor27
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healing from trauma
Member Since Dec 2017
Location: Alberta
Posts: 30,425
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#32
That is so good of your t to let you know he is there for you. With my first t she was always there for me when thing got hard at home with my Grandpa no matter how many times i called her she was there and she would always let me know if she had to take time off. So that was reassuring to know she was there for me and her support meant so much to me. With my previous therapist i could call at anytime and he would call me back during office hours if need be. It's always good to have a therapist that offers that type of support. Hugs, i hope your husbands surgery on Monday goes well and also know we are here on pc for you. Hugs
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MoxieDoxie
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